Friends, Nubblites Intramural Basketball is back.
This year, 8 of us have formed a powerhouse team to take on the world, right from the lovely campus of Ball State.
Let's meet our players:
Orgazmo - Stout, yet keenly insensitive to others. Look for him to be looking for someone to pass the ball to, harassing members of the other team when they miss shots, and cherry picking two minutes into the game 'cause he's too tired. Orgazmo's verbal inconsistancies as far as kindness is concerned is his best asset.
tonguegina - Skinny, and worthless too! Look for him to be shooting threes using both hands to release the ball with. We're hoping someone on the other team will set him off sometime during the year. At this point, we will see an onslaught of 3s, or a physical confrontation. Either one works for me.
Dirty Harry - Small, yet surprisingly strong. We are hoping to see Dirty be the first player ejected from a game this season after he clothslines an opponent for no apparant reason, spits on him, and calls him a "cunt". Our goal for Dirty is to see him score one basket this year, and yell "I am the God of basketball".
Ugly Bastard - Tall, yet irrestistably annoying. Look for Ugly to be sitting on the bench the first few games due to an injury. An injury that isn't even real, and is being faked to avoid embarrassment on the court. You will hear him yelling threats and taunts at the opponents throughout most of his time on the bench.
Trout Sniffer - Short, yet unbelievably dimwitted. Look for Trout to be the only person on the team who scores a basket the whole year. Also look for him to be the only person on the team to say "a foul???" to the refeeres if they ever whistle him. Also look for him in another location than the gymnasium, because his attendance to games may be impared due to an alcohol problem.
Rudy - Good, yet charmingly lazy. We hope to see Rudy trying to land a drug deal while getting ready to box out the opposition during a free throw attempt. If Rudy can successfully get the other team high, we will win, and we will have sex with their girlfriends after the game. Rudy is key.
f3lix - Gifted, yet not in any important areas. The outlook for f3lix is a season full of misplaced comments while sitting on the bench talking to Ugly Bastard nonstop. He will probably see some playing time after tonguegina injures a leg in the early stages of our first game. We hope f3lix can come in, and badger an opponent or two, before slipping up, and saying something that makes no sense.
kzx25k1 - Large, yet it's not a good thing. The goal on the year for kzx25k1 is to keep the seat on the bench warm with his robust hind, so in case he ever does get to play, tonguegina has a warm seat to sit in. kzx25k1 has no real abilities, other than stammering around for a long time after being dealt a verbal bash.
That's our line up for this year.
Our goal as a team is to piss off our opponents as much as we can, thus hopefully causing them to forfeit the game to our advantage.
Stay tuned...
-Ugly Bastard
[ February 04, 2004, 12:48 AM: Message edited by: Ugly Bastard ]
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