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Old 10-30-2002, 12:51 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Alright, I'm sure many of you have already heard of this online (or, if you live in Chicago, newsstand paper) newspaper, but that Maddox site reminded me alot of The Onion, except that the Onion does it with more style.

Almost everything in the site is fucking hilarious, and definitely worth your time.
www.theonion.com
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Old 10-30-2002, 06:43 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Yes, the onion is the classic comedy good for at least a weekly read. Amazing site with amazing stories.
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Old 10-31-2002, 01:06 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Yeah, and the cool thing is, in this month's upcoming newspaper, me and wintergrey sort of collaborated and made our own fake article for the Warsaw Tiger Tracks. Besides a few other articles, it's the only thing worth reading in the rag.
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Old 11-01-2002, 09:41 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Here's a short article from the newest Onion.

Daytime-Talk-Show Mixup Leads To 1,000-Pound-Man Makeover
NEW YORK—In a mix-up Ricki Lake producers called "deeply regrettable," 1,000-pound Willard Hoskins, 37, was removed from his Paramus, NJ, home by forklift and transported to the posh Richard Stein Salon on Madison Avenue for a thorough beauty makeover Monday. "Let's see Willard's stunning new look!" Lake told the studio audience as Hoskins was wheeled out in a sequined black garment made from two king-size bed sheets to the accompaniment of throbbing disco music. "Wow, you look great!" The episode is believed to be daytime television's worst mix-up since Maury Povich sent a group of disfigured children to boot camp in 1999.

HAH! There's also a fake headline that reads:

"Mudslide Kind Of Fun Until The Dying Part"
and also..."Phone Sex Ad Masturbated To For 0 cents a Minute"....makes me laugh so much.

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Old 04-18-2010, 11:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Amazing New Hyperbolic Chamber Greatest Invention In The History Of Mankind Ever | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing.

― Terence McKenna
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Old 04-18-2010, 11:56 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Not funny.
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Old 04-19-2010, 07:20 AM   #7 (permalink)
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nope

#YOLO
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Old 04-20-2010, 02:10 AM   #8 (permalink)
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yeah it's pretty much THE WORST ARTICLE EVER WRITTEN!

Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing.

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Old 04-29-2010, 07:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Pickup Truck Stoled | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:04 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Study Reveals Dolphins Lack Capacity To Mock Celebrity Culture | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing.

― Terence McKenna
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Old 10-12-2010, 12:53 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Old 12-22-2010, 10:02 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Repeal Of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Paves Way For Gay Sex Right On Battlefield, Opponents Fantasize | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Quote:
Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), one of many conservative politicians who staunchly oppose the change. "If this is repealed, what's to stop all-night sex romps from breaking out while U.S. servicemen are hiding in a bunker, or crawling around an irrigation ditch bathed only by the light of the moon, or, say, the dozens of other situations I've already thought through in elaborate detail?"

Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing.

― Terence McKenna
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Old 02-25-2011, 08:14 AM   #13 (permalink)
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NASA Completes 52-Year Mission To Find, Kill God | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Quote:
"Gotta give Him credit, though, God was defiant right up until the end. Scrappy bastard spit right in my face just before I pulled the trigger," added Sullivan, smiling.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:03 PM   #14 (permalink)
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How To Get A Guy To Notice You While You're Having Sex With Him | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network
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Old 04-12-2011, 10:57 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Im taking a psych of women class with a forum I'm supposed to have a certain amount of posts per week in. I'm definitely posting this with that just right touch of ambiguous outrage that I've perfected over the course of this semester.

Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.
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Old 04-13-2011, 12:10 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Does the public have access to the forum?
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Old 04-13-2011, 01:33 AM   #17 (permalink)
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No, I have to sign in with my student ID.

Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.
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Old 04-13-2011, 10:38 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Can we have your student ID?
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Old 04-13-2011, 10:05 PM   #19 (permalink)
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No because you dicks will sign in and make me look like I don't respect bitches.

Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.
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Old 04-13-2011, 10:47 PM   #20 (permalink)
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We just want to watch.

Honest.
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Old 04-13-2011, 10:57 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Can you at least post screen shots? I would like to wreak havoc playing devils advocate in a class like that.

Post this too and start a discussion about the standards they should use to prosecute men accused of rape; http://news.cincinnati.com/article/2...702/304130047/
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Old 04-14-2011, 11:40 AM   #22 (permalink)
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I have to pretend to be pro-woman in my posts so I'm not sure how I'd spin the rape thing. They get crazy when the r word is mentioned. I'll get around to posting about the other one later and cut and past the responses here.

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Old 04-14-2011, 06:54 PM   #23 (permalink)
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I don't get it, if you dissent at all or show another opinion you get a bad grade? That sounds like bullshit to me..
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Old 04-14-2011, 07:13 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Sounds like a liberal arts college course to me.
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Old 04-14-2011, 10:11 PM   #25 (permalink)
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No, it's not so much about dissenting and getting a bad grade as it about a complete waste of my time. I realize that you're all about fruitless diatribes, but id rather do without the nonsense.

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