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Old 06-03-2008, 07:52 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default How to makeover your ass

Quarterly, I remove my ass hair and take care of odds and ends below the waist. I know many completely shave their nether-regions, but I find this distasteful because I like to maintain a strong, healthy mane which make women faint in awe when they set their eyes upon it. However, in the crack, I practice complete deforestation.

Pros:

* Assurance no fecal matter is hanging from your curlies after you wipe after a shit.
* Fresh, free feeling
* Reduced S.W.A.C. and odor
* A sleek look, much like a new Porsche

Cons:

* It may hurt to fart for about 24 hours

Neutral/Relative:

* Farts are much louder, more "flappy," and less muffled

Preperation:

You will need 3 tools: a small towel, a non-comedogenic lotion (like cetaphil), and Nair.



Apply a thick, even layer of Nair to cover the hair from the midsection of your chode to the tip of your crack. Care not to apply on your asshole or it will sting, if you accidently do, just suck it up. I mean deal with the pain, not literally try to suck it up your corn hole. Limit moving or walking around. After 5 minutes, gently wipe off Nair and hair in one firm motion with your damp towel. Hop into the shower and rinse the rest of the loose hair and Nair off. It is easier to do this in a bath. After you are done washing, dry your ass. Now apply the lotion liberally to the entire asscrack area, including your butthole. This will ensure your skin won't be irritated, dry up, and crack along your asscrack, preventing several days of asspain.

If requested, I will post before & after pictures next quarter.

Good luck!

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Old 06-12-2008, 01:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Done.
Didn't bother with the girly hair removal crap, a razor works fine.

there is little I wouldn't do for a dolphin.

Last edited by Heaven Can Wait; 09-10-2008 at 02:04 PM.
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Old 06-12-2008, 02:31 PM   #3 (permalink)
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If requested, I will post before & after pictures next quarter.
This. I'm requesting this.
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Old 06-12-2008, 06:46 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I too am waiting for Before and Afters.
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Old 06-12-2008, 09:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Thirded.
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Old 06-12-2008, 09:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
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You guys are really desperate for content..

there is little I wouldn't do for a dolphin.
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Old 06-12-2008, 10:38 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I found a bottle of Veet in the medicine cabinet and decided to try it out. Unfortunately, I'm not nearly as adventurous as you... my ass is still a mess but I have the smoothest taint and balls this side of a newborn Ryan Seacrest.

LEGALIZE CRIME!
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Old 07-07-2008, 03:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
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This. I'm requesting this.
Still waiting.
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Old 08-02-2008, 03:17 AM   #9 (permalink)
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http://nubblies.net/forums/showthrea...746#post363746

#YOLO
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Old 01-14-2009, 10:58 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Waxing. Just have some asian chick smear wax on your ass and taint and then rip it out. lasts longer that way too.
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Old 01-14-2009, 08:43 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Just have some asian chick
This. I've been thinking of getting a massage lately. I know it doesn't sound like that huge of a commitment, but I don't know about you guys, I get a decent massage, and even then only by some girl i'm seeing, maybe once or twice a year, if that. But lately my back has just been riddled with hurt.

Could I pay to go to a nice, reputable massage place and get it sorted out and pay a fairly hefty "day spa" price? Or could I go to a back alley massage parlor full of for all I know or care Asian women who have been trafficked to America under less-than-honorable methods and probably get a blowjob at the end of it for $20?


I'm leaning towards the latter...I get the feeling a few of you may have experience with this sort of thing (i'm looking at you, Ironic Mustache and Ugly Bastard)

Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing.

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Old 01-14-2009, 08:46 PM   #12 (permalink)
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It'll be a hand job, not a blow job... usually comes with a premium though. Don't expect Asian massage + jackoff for less than just a massage from some fucked up white girl in a yuppie shopping plaza.
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Old 01-15-2009, 12:42 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Don't know much (i.e. anything) about asian massage places with happy endings. The chink chicks are bad ass at clipping my toenails though. So there's never any reason to clip your own toenails. But they never give me a happy happy ending or venture above the knee.

The waxing chick messes all around the nether regions, but a happy ending is usually the last thing on my mind after visiting her.
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Old 04-25-2010, 01:34 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Another joins the fold.

#YOLO
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Old 04-29-2010, 03:14 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Awesome.

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I will rape your soul in hell forever.
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