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Ugly Bastard 01-11-2009 06:05 PM

Bashing Lame Friends on Facebook
Slowly but surely, I'm going to start calling people out for how lame their lives are on Facebook. Now, it's not their lives being lame that bothers me as much as their incessant need to broadcast every little detail of their pathetic little existence. I'm sure we all have those friends that update their status every hour to say something like, " sad that she has to work tonight."

While Mr. Blonde updates his status every hour, at least it's to make fun of other people or provide a link to something hilarious.

Here is my first effort:


Originally posted on Facebook by some lame but kinda hot girl that just got married:
Emily is cleaning the house, doing laundry, and looking forward to dinner from McDonald's that my husband is bringing home for me!!
To which her friend immediately commented:


I am doing laundry too and enjoying the dinner Paul brought home for us...usually it is McDonald's, but tonight he got us chinese food from Wong's.
So here's what I commented:


Oh girls, who are you trying to kid? Everyone knows that once you get married you start doing 3-ways with hookers, right? RIGHT?!?
So that's just an example of what I'm going for here. Anytime y'all do something similar, feel free to share in this thread. :)

Mr. Blonde 01-11-2009 06:16 PM

I do this on an entirely regular basis. Most facebook status updates piss me off to an extreme degree. I was updating people on what I was doing for a while, but at least I was providing a music download along with it. Now I have changed to either making fun of idiots or posting hilarious/random statii. I approve of the work being done in this thread.

BigDongedHoe 01-11-2009 06:35 PM


Originally Posted by Ugly Bastard (Post 373167)

Here is my first effort:

To which her friend immediately commented:

So here's what I commented:

So that's just an example of what I'm going for here. Anytime y'all do something similar, feel free to share in this thread. :)

This popped up on my news feed... kinda funny.

BTW: Emily has some of the nicest boobs I've ever felt in my entire life.

Dent 01-11-2009 06:38 PM

But don't they do that to try and get attention? so replying doesn't really help.
If the girl got married you have no need having her as a friend anyway.

Repugnant Abomination 01-11-2009 06:48 PM

I dunno... I understand the spirit behind this, but on the other hand I feel like, so what? The entire point of online social networks is for people to stay in touch. My guess is that the people who do update their status every hour with the minute menial details of their existence are probably just lonely, or bored, or yes, even a bit of attention whores (Blonde). I guess I just don't care enough to actually mess with people over it. I find those myspace bulletins people are always posting a lot more annoying because of the frivolous content. I understand if you want to send out a "mass e-mail" because you lost your phone or something, but quit filling my bulletin board up with bullshit.

Ugly Bastard 01-11-2009 06:54 PM

This isn't really like a big deal. I'm not trying to accomplish anything here, Repug. Just fucking with people on Facebook and encouraging others to do the same for our mutual enjoyment. :)

Repugnant Abomination 01-11-2009 06:55 PM

Right-o ;)

Repugnant Abomination 01-11-2009 06:57 PM

Sammy Bullard loves cutesie cliche motivational statuses idiot girls put up to help convince no one but themselves that some boytoy hurt their feelings. Nobody gives a shit.


Mr. Blonde 01-11-2009 07:08 PM

The thing i'm finding lately is that a lot of women (mostly women) who haven't had facebook or didn't have it in college, and a lot of them who either dropped out or never went to college, and are now married and have kids, are JUST NOW finding out/signing on to facebook and having a hayday. Take my dumbass sister for example. She's turned into everything I hate about facebook...just got it a few months ago, and has posted nothing but my nephew (her son) in her default picture. Listen, idiot, nobody cares about your kid as much as you. NOBODY CARES. Girls (although guys do it to) also love posting statuses that make them sound important.

"_____is working all weekend makin that scrilla!!" - too bad you work at a restaurant serving people their food.

"_____'s son is finally Mommy can do some work!" - your "work" consists of being a stay at home mom and doing a minimum of typing out some emails and watching daytime television"

"______ “Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”" - fucking pukefest. you aren't "running wild", bitch, you're just high maintenance and nobody wants to date you because of it.


Ugly Bastard 01-11-2009 07:11 PM


Can you clarify if you actually said those things to those people, or were you being hypothetical about what you would say to them? 'Cause if you actually said those things to them, balla points.

Mr. Blonde 01-11-2009 07:17 PM


Originally Posted by Ugly Bastard (Post 373177)

Can you clarify if you actually said those things to those people, or were you being hypothetical about what you would say to them? 'Cause if you actually said those things to them, balla points.

No, I haven't said those, I was merely expressing my thoughts and translating what i'm sure to be the real meaning behind these statuses. Unfortunately I can't be the huge asshole I want to be all the time, and when I do I feel I have to veil the insult significantly because what i'm saying is usually pretty bad.

Ugly Bastard 01-11-2009 08:56 PM

Bahahaha... girl from OP defriended me. I already love this idea. :-D

Repugnant Abomination 01-12-2009 12:47 AM

Mr. Blonde lacks facebook chat etiquette.

Mr. Blonde 01-12-2009 12:54 AM

Facebook crashed for me and a few of my friends. These things happen. I still can't get in.

Mr. Blonde 01-12-2009 12:55 AM

my internet is dying

THEINCREDIBLEdork 01-12-2009 10:23 PM

You have to admit you can argue its more sad to spend ur time reading and picking on the poor people's boring posts because they're lives are so boring or whatever...

I don't like facebook either but I just don't log on.

But then again its mean and therefore funny so I approve, go on.

Repugnant Abomination 01-14-2009 09:38 PM

He did it again

Ugly Bastard 01-15-2009 04:02 AM

This girl that was the highest placing female in the WSOP last year who was at my table when I made it on TV/busted out... her status was this:


Tiffany made Day 2 of the WPT Southern Champs but is tiiilted over the sick beat by the luckbox Brandon Cantu which has left her with only 20 big blinds :-(
I commented this:


"Only" 20 big blinds? You know Tiffany, there are people less fortunate in the world who have to wake up in the morning with just 10 big blinds. I hear in Africa, some people only have 5. That makes you between 2 and 4 times better than those people... remember that.
This is her FWIW:

Cocktooth 01-15-2009 05:31 AM

I need to add her. She was a bitch from the start of that table to the end. She sped people up so she didn't lose blinds. She is the definition of CUNT. PERIOD.

Edit: I just added her. Hoping she accepts. She was a complete bitch. UB, you might be friends with her, but at least I know the proper way to handle myself at a table. Her tits and bald v neck doens't impress me. I'm going to rip her ass. Period.

hfam95 01-15-2009 12:43 PM

This was brilliant. I'm thinking of just picking random bitches and telling them how poorly they have aged.

SittinOnDubsWGW 01-15-2009 03:54 PM

I'm guilty of this from time to time. :(

Mr. Blonde 01-17-2009 03:02 AM

Here's one i'm having fun with at the moment: this bitch named "Abbey Bauman" - who I guess is from Elkhart but I don't know who she is, had some status message that was something to the effect of "ALL U GIRLS KEEP BITCHING CAUSE YOU ARE MISSING YOUR BOYFRIEND YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IN A WEEK OR TWO AND I HAVEN'T SEEN MY HUSBAND IN IRAQ FOR 5 MONTHS!!! BITCHES" or something like that. I left a message on her status like "Maybe you shouldn't be retarded and get married before 25" and de-friended her. She messaged me this today:

Abbey Bauman
January 16 at 5:31pm

let me tell you something you piece of shit. IVe been married for 3 years already, and if you want to do the math, I was married at 18. I dont give a fuck how old you are. If you have a sopuse who is deployed fighting for your countrys freedom it doesnt mean you are going to hanlde it any better if you are over 25. That is the most IGNORANT thing ... Read MoreI have ever heard. And by the way, YOU ARE WELCOME......My husband and many others are over there fighting for your dumbass to say stupid shit like that and not be taken to jail for opening your mouth about whatever you want. SEMPER MOTHER FUCKING FI ASS HOLE


January 16 at 5:53pm

First off cunt; our brave men and women joined the armed forces of their own free will. I would have no problem joining up if my country actually NEEDED me, which, I felt they didn't. Its cute that you're calling me a coward, though; why aren't YOU in the marines if you believe that so much? I love how army wives/parents/siblings always love to throw around the "FIGHTING FOR YOUR RIGHT TO FREEDOM OF SPEECH"...oh what the fuck ever. What is this, 1776? Your husband is fighting all the people that are a serious threat to my speech in 2009? I realize you're all hormonal and shit because that is what women do when they feel they've been wronged; argue irrationally and let themselves blabber on about shit they THINK they are educated on.

By the way, big lol @ "and not be taken to jail for opening your mouth about whatever you want." Nice. What countries are you taken to jail for telling someone that their choice to get married so young was a stupid one? Go ahead. List some countries and we'll see if they are dictatorships, monarchies, or communist, if such a country exists at all.

Secondly, I could give a shit when you got married (although 18 is pretty sure you didn't get pregnant first?) Most people don't know what the hell they're doing at 24, let alone 18. I really don't know why you told me that, as it makes it exponentially worse and more retarded. But hey, i'm sure you've had plenty of "real life" experience living in conservative Indiana your whole life and then moving to NC, you grew up real fast and knew you were truly in love blah blah blah blah blah blah. If that's the most ignorant thing you've ever heard (look at the divorce rate in the country, sweetheart, and then look at how many of those were of people married before wont' do the research though, because that requires actual work) then you clearly are as blind as a fucking bat.

And you are wrong; if you are older you are wiser and have more experience with NOT BITCHING ABOUT A SITUATION YOU PUT YOURSELF IN. It's not like this was a draft. You knew he was going, he knew he was going, man up and quit bitching about it. Fine, i'm sure you're suffering, but nobody gives a shit. I saw some of your dumbass friends made comments on my comment, however I can't see them because I deleted you from my friends list as soon as I made the comment, but you can inform them that they're wasting their typing because I wont' ever see it, but to enjoy their boring married lives as well.

"SEMPER MOTHER FUCKING FI ASS HOLE" ---It's also cute how much pride you have for something you're really not a part of whatsoever, despite living on base and maybe having some sort of book club with other Marine wives or some shit. You took offense to something, thats your own fault, not mine. Be less sensitive. Although i'm sure you'll justify it as me being an asshole rather than simply telling you the truth that you didn't want to hear. Have fun in your shitty conservative marriage the rest of your boring life.

P.S. I'm surprised you didn't threaten me with your badass marine husband beating me up yet...or were you saving that one?

Abbey Bauman
Today at 12:39am

Thanks for taking the time to show me how much of a fucking dick licker you are! I Totally understnad you now. The reason I was upset is because I cant tell you HOW many fucking chicks who are in colllege or wherever the hell they are bitch about not seeing their BF for the fucking weekend and that its SO TERRIBLE...FUCK YOU BITCHES..that was my point. And you have the nerve to come back at me like I did or said something wrong for pointing out the fact that things could be a lot worse?? My husband has had a few close calls with this deployment and thats excluding the first one. I dont know who the fuck you think you are you piece of shit to step in and say im stupid for marrying my husband at 18. "most people dont know what they are doing at 24" well thats because you are all stuck there in BFE IN smoking eachothers cocks. you should be ashamed of yourself for talking about the military the way you do. My husband joined because he WANTED TO. You are right in the fact he wasnt drafted. He did it because he wanted to step up and do the job that your sorry ass wouldnt do if you were paid to. Im incredibly proud of my husband. Because we both chose this lifestyle doesnt mean I m not allowed to miss hm when hes deployed and in harms way EVERY FUCKING SECOND. I Can't believe you would actually argue with a military wife about the way that she feels that her husband is gone. Youre the sorriest American I have ever seen and I hope you feel good for yourself. Go fucking grow so corn bitch.

Today at 12:41am

I feel great about myself. I spent time traveling overseas after graduating Ball State and have lived in Phoenix for 2 years. Do some research before you talk shit; I knew you lived in NC.

Abbey Bauman
Today at 12:44am

I dont give a fuck..... I m pissed because you came across shitty to me for saying that I miss my husband, that the hell does that have to do with me being over or under 25? Nothing

Today at 12:45am

K well i'm not saying sorry so feel free to keep messaging me if thats what you need to justify your marriage, which it apparently is.

Abbey Bauman
Today at 12:46am

and did you parents corn shucking money pay for your little trip to Europe?

Abbey Bauman
Today at 12:48am

I dont have to justify shit. My man is coming home in a few months and im happily married thanks

Today at 12:50am

then quit bitching.

Hopefully that's the end of it, she's pretty annoying. FYI, her facebook "job status":

United States Marine Corps
Jacksonville, NC
TOUGHEST JOB IN THE don't even know

..give me a fucking break.

Ugly Bastard 01-17-2009 03:21 AM


Originally Posted by Mr. Blonde (Post 373757)
United States Marine Corps
TOUGHEST JOB IN THE don't even know

Hehe... I would sooner respect this woman if she were sucking dick in an alley for $5 bills. :)

(edit: it's amazing how fucked I am if I ever want to run for President)

SittinOnDubsWGW 01-17-2009 03:28 AM

My father was in the military, so was his, and his father as well... The military has been extremely good for my family, but none of them have ever been like your stereotypical "military person."

I can't fucking stand those types of people. They are more often than not found in the Marines and Army. They think they are soooo badass because they are in the military. There is a near-by army town where I used to live, and will probably move back to in June (unless I get extremely lucky), and goddamn I can't stand being around half of the guys in that town, especially when going out to the bars. Those stupid fucks try to "pull rank" and talk shit and say things like "and whats YOUR rank?" when they are trying to one-up you and whatnot.

f3lix 01-17-2009 03:28 AM

That was pretty funny. Sadly, Blonde came off just as emotional, though used better logic.

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