Vasectomy Chat!?!

[Cocktooth]

After my 2nd kid, I knew that my days of fathering children needed to be over. Regardless of where my life needs me, I've spread my seed enough to know that 2 kids are plenty and the world is going to have enough problems with 3 of me running around.

Originally, the wife had decided to do the deed and tie it up. That sounded great to me because I hate needles and having needles around my balls just heightened the anxiety that I would have with this procedure. Well, in a moment of weakness, she flipped the script on me and I agreed since she popped out 2 big headed kids that I would get snipped up.


We get to the office and she looses her mind. She asks me 5 times if this was the right thing to do and if we should try for a 3rd. I knew damn well that I was done and this was not an option so I politely told her I was about to go under the knife and her emotions weren't allowed in a building that takes manhood away for profit. I could hear her sniffling as I was lead into the doctors office by the nurse.


To shorten the story, the doctor comes in and explains the procedure and numbs me up. So far, so good. Well, the doctor decides that it's time to start some small talk with my right testicle numb and hanging in the wind. He asks me what my interest are and I told him sports. He precedes to try and fabricate some sports knowledge, which I played along with. After 5 minutes, I couldn't do it anymore. I asked if we could stop the small talk and just get this shit over with.

He laughed and agreed and started going to town. One ball down and we moved to the 2nd one. The pain of the injection was more pressure than anything. It felt like a swift kick in the nuts with a high heel. After about 30 seconds, the pain was suppose to subside and away we'd go.

Not with the left. This guy was a fighter.

After numbing, he went in to start cutting and wouldn't you know it, I could feel it. It was a feeling never before experienced. It was a paper cut on a place where a paper cut should never happen. After he realized I felt it, it was time for round 3 with the needle. It wasn't as bad as the first 2, but wasn't enjoyable either.


Well, after all was said and done, I spend 2 days with peas on my balls while watching and betting college basketball. It was 2 glorious days minus trying to figure out if I had to shit or if my stomach was just a mess from the surgery. The first 6 hours after surgery were awful. Til this day, I continue to have pain off and on after activities.


About 8 months ago I was back in the gym and working out. I started very light and felt great for the first 2 weeks. Week 3 I was going to up the weight and see how my body handled it. My body felt fine but my testicles had other plans. After lifting on Friday, the pain in my lower abdomen had shot down through my testicle and into my lower back. I thought that maybe I was having kidney or liver issues and by Sunday I couldn't take it anymore. I went to the ER to get check out. After getting popped for 4 G's after insurance, they found nothing and sent me to my Dr.

Same answer from him, so they sent me to the specialist that performed my surgery. He let me know that this is possible after a vasectomy and should only last for the rest of my life. He forgot to mention to me that around 40% of surgeries tend to lead to pain for an extended period of time. Apparently, the nerves that run from the testicle go to the lower back and down through the hip. Who knew.


So I'm once again begun to work out. The pain is back but now it's mind over matter. Matter always wins with me, so I'm just doing cardio and not lifting anything. Soon though, soon I'll face my biggest fear in my adult life. Will I be able to lift a dumbbell without crying leaving the gym with an explanation of a vasectomy flair up.


Moral of the story : Don't let your wife talk about how awful child birth is and let you take one for the team. That baby comes out one time. Your balls will hurt forever.

[Orgazmo]

Jesus, that sounds rough. I've heard numerous vasectomy testimonials and each one has been reviewed glowingly--a couple days down, but then the ability to skeet skeet without worry.

This, though. This is different. This gives me hesitations for when I (inevitably some time in the future) decide this is for me.

[Johnny Richter]

Fuck that shit I would never do this. Cocktooth man I wish you would've consulted us before you did this. But there is still hope. Nerves take a long ass time to heal. You may hurt for years before it eventually goes away. Hope for the best man. Don't ever trust doctors. They are mostly scum of the earth.

[Cocktooth]

It's painful only when I'm on my feet all day and lifting things. Oh shit, that's exactly what I do everyday. Well, at least I'll never have to worry about seeing another birth. That shit is traumatic.

[Orgazmo]

Ya it is.

Matt, did you know that women oftentimes poop a little bit during birth?

Chew on that.

[Cocktooth]

No pooping for us in round number 2 but there was some things that can't be unseen. An impressive feat to get a kid through that canal with the Shaw size of head. It's no wonder so many women prefer large penis' after birth. Still not sure she feels my "emotions" anymore.

Our doctor has a wife who's a huge basketball fan. I was writing articles for the paper at the time and immediately following the cutting of the cord, he turned his attention to fixing up my wife. Well, most of his focus turned. As I consoled her, he started telling me about how his wife loved my articles and the talk show I was on occasionally. My ego alarm went off and I left my wife's side and headed down to the edge of the bed so he could talk to his wife's media hero.

I could see in Danielle's eyes that this was a bad idea. I covered myself making sure the doctor was focused on my wife and he just goes " Oh she's great. Not near as bad as the last time. So your piece on the special olympics....". Who am I to deny fans?


I paid for that one for the two days we were at the hospital. No sleeping at home like after round one. Nope. If I left, I was immediately expected to be back and there in case she wanted to talk about some bull shit that didn't matter like breast feeding. Kid number 2 was a more miserable experience for me than her, I'm sure of it!

[Orgazmo]

Haha, maybe you should politely explain that to her and see what happens? I'm sure she'll be sympathetic now.

[Cocktooth]

Thanks. I did exactly that and was treated to a health lesson on origins moving and gross stufffor 9 months. I'm more scarred now than ever before.

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

Yikes, glad I didn't read this before I got mine. It sounds like you got butchered.

I went in on a Friday morning and was jerkin by Sunday. Guy was a master of his craft, he said he's done over 4500 procedures. I wonder what method was used on you? He made a tiny hole in my sac and pulled out one of my vas deferens or whatever and cut it in two, cauterized one end, and then put it back in the sac. Then did the other one. I sat up a little bit and watched him do it after I was anesthetized. They looked like bright white tape worms or straws coming out of my nuts.

Best of luck to you. Maybe the pain will go away after a few months. You should sue his ass if 40% of his patients have chronic ball pain.

[Dent]

at least they couldn't fuck up and take your dick with it ID

[Repugnant Abomination]

You guys are freaking me out.

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

Originally Posted by Dent

at least they couldn't fuck up and take your dick with it ID

Because my dick was rock hard during the procedure? Hard as a diamond? Which can't be cut because it's so hard?

[Orgazmo]

Diamonds can only be cut by other diamonds.

They would have had to use a blade made out of other diamond-hard dicks.

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

Dent let me just tell you right now. They didn't have that kind of equipment.

[Dent]

I just bought Warhammer Total War on the monthly humble bundle if you want to give me some spankings

[Orgazmo]

Wtf does that have to do with diamond hard dicks?