Who is going to hell? An argument for the Bible, Religion and God.

[Calamity Jane]

Originally posted by ProfessorNumber:


But then the penny drops. What happens to all of the people that Jesus doesn't make a "sale" to? Apparently Jesus only likes sell salvation to North America and a few other small regions on the planet. As I'm typing this, there is family somewhere on the earth that has never heard of Jesus Christ. So what happens to them? Did they just get fucked out of enternal life and salvation because they happened to be born into a different religion?

Instead of debating about what will happen to those who have never had the chance to hear about Jesus, Christians are supposed to be doing their best to make sure that those people hear the good news. Which, unfortunately, doesn't always happen.

[Beebs]

Originally posted by Calamity Jane:
Instead of debating about what will happen to those who have never had the chance to hear about Jesus, Christians are supposed to be doing their best to make sure that those people hear the good news. Which, unfortunately, doesn't always happen.

Yes, because doing both would be absolutely impossible.

No matter how hard you try to be annoying, hand out pamphlets, and ring doorbells, odds say you will not reach everybody, and will reach fewer and fewer people with each year (look at where populations are growing). You can't ignore this fact, and it won't go away by covering your eyes and saying you're doing the best you can, because that won't really help the babies burning in hell for all eternatity.

[bloodyfart]

spreading christianity has led to the ruin of many a country. christians come in to countries and reorganize them according to their bible and leave when they find out that may not work there. look at africa. africa was colonized for three reasons. commerce, civilization, and christianity. it is a fucking mess as a result.

[MAGICLIT]

"Jesus loves me for the bible tells me so".............can't argue with that (10) ha

[bloodyfart]

if jesus wants to reveal himself to someone else, he will. he doesnt need your help. worry about your own soul. worrying about others souls is a form of arrogance and a way to save yourself disguised as charity.

selfishness masked as benevolence is very dangerous.

[Ugly Bastard]

Nice post Professor.

-Ugly Bastard

[ninjaface]

A wise man once said:

When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!
*
But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!

But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.

Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.

No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results.

So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn't give a shit, I decided to look around for something else to worship. Something I could really count on.

And immediately, I thought of the sun. Happened like that. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. Several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something, I don't know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So everyday I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need; heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake, an occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us.

Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I'm unworthy. Doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn't said an unkind word. Treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But, I don't pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn't presume on our friendship. It's not polite.

I've often thought people treat God rather rudely, don't you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favors. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday His day off. It's not nice. And it's no way to treat a friend.

But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know, your sister needs an operation on her crotch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall. But most of all, you'd really like to fuck that hot little redhead down at the convenience store. You know, the one with the eyepatch and the clubfoot? Can you pray for that? I think you'd have to. And I say, fine. Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan?

Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a Divine Plan. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and fuck up Your Plan?

And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It's all very confusing.

So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun. But, as I said, I don't pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.

For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.

So I've been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

And for those of you who look to The Bible for moral lessons and literary qualities, I might suggest a couple of other stories for you. You might want to look at the Three Little Pigs, that's a good one. Has a nice happy ending, I'm sure you'll like that. Then there's Little Red Riding Hood, although it does have that X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn't care for, by the way. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? "All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again." That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was. In fact, I'm gonna put it this way. If there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened. Nothing happened? Everybody's okay? All right, tell you what, I'll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead. See? Nothing happened, oh, wait, I've got a little cramp in my leg. And my balls hurt. Plus, I'm blind. I'm blind, oh, now I'm okay again, must have been Joe Pesci, huh? God Bless Joe Pesci. Thank you all very much. Joe Bless You!

[bloodyfart]

thats great

[MAGICLIT]

Originally posted by ninjaface:
A wise man once said:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr /> And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.

No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this.

</font>[/quote]
Fuckin A

[George Sherman]

I;m going to hell

[Ugly Bastard]

Thats hilarious.

-Ugly Bastard

[MAGICLIT]

I apostrophe m going to hell

[George Sherman]

no, but ya, I am going to hell

[MAGICLIT]

it's okay George, I got box seats, you can ride to hell with me......if you got ends on the drugs that is.......

[George Sherman]

ya I got the drugs don't you worry about that

[SittinOnDubsWGW]

Carlin rules, IIRC, he went through that rant at his BSU performance along with some other classics.

[George Sherman]

Carlin, as in Travis?

[Beebs]

Originally posted by George Sherman:
Carlin, as in Travis?

Carlin as in George Carlin, the guy that wrote that big long post that ninja posted.

[George Sherman]

oh I didn't read it

[MAGICLIT]

why doesn't that surprise me?

[George Sherman]

not sure

[AcTivE]

Originally posted by ProfessorNumber:
Active, you may be smart, but you're just too stubborn. I still think my argument from the last religion thread holds water.

Lets hypothesize that Jesus/God is a salesmen. His story is that he created you, and is offering you a chance at eternal life with him. Sounds like a pretty good deal eh? Especially considering all he asks in return is for you to live your life like most good people do, believe in him, and worship him as your saviour. Honestly, it doesn't sound that hard.

But then the penny drops. What happens to all of the people that Jesus doesn't make a "sale" to? Apparently Jesus only likes sell salvation to North America and a few other small regions on the planet. As I'm typing this, there is family somewhere on the earth that has never heard of Jesus Christ. So what happens to them? Did they just get fucked out of enternal life and salvation because they happened to be born into a different religion?

Lets make some assumptions here for the sake of my argument:

1. God is the ONLY god
2. Christianity is the only correct religion.
3. You have to worship God in order not to go Hell

Damn. Looks as if 66% of the world is going to Hell, Active. Major drag eh? I mean, that would truly suck to be born into Hinduism only to find out when you die that your parents and geographical region picked the wrong religion! Your shit outta luck man!

Active, I want you to go up to your parents next time you see them, and thank them for living in Christian America. Give them a big hug, and relish the notion that you are going to heaven while 66% of your fellow humans are going to have their flesh melted off in the next life.

God must have left them out to dry. That sucks.

I am not arguing about this yet...I will get to that. Just arguing Bible atm.

[AcTivE]

Originally posted by bloodyfart:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by AcTivE:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Mr. Blonde:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by bloodyfart:
you are a bible thumper that didnt come to this discussion with an open mind.

He's from the Bible Belt over here. That's basically what most christian's attitudes are around here. My way or the fucking highway.</font>[/quote]
that is the stereotype that you hold</font>[/quote]
why didnt you attack my logic?</font>[/quote]
i don't take the time to read someone's post if they blatantly say they are not following the argument. i simply don't care to hear what they have say, because it is not relevant.

[George Sherman]

you wan weto the oturth, you oicant oyhable thje tyuth

[bloodyfart]

Originally posted by AcTivE:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by bloodyfart:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by AcTivE:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Mr. Blonde:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by bloodyfart:
you are a bible thumper that didnt come to this discussion with an open mind.

He's from the Bible Belt over here. That's basically what most christian's attitudes are around here. My way or the fucking highway.</font>[/quote]
that is the stereotype that you hold</font>[/quote]
why didnt you attack my logic?</font>[/quote]
i don't take the time to read someone's post if they blatantly say they are not following the argument. i simply don't care to hear what they have say, because it is not relevant.</font>[/quote]
i graduated with a degree in religion, i went to catholic school from k-12 (taking scripture every single year). to say that my opinion is not relevant is retarded. plus, i know that you read it but cant attack it because your logic is flawed, you fucking pussy