Santa Claus

[Mr. Blonde]

BSUprotege (6:51:51 PM): hi.
SantaClaus (6:51:51 PM): Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! I'm here on AIM! :-D Everything we talk about here is between you and me! If you want to know more, you can type "privacy". Now, streeeeetch that window and let's get started.

So, have you been naughty or nice?

BSUprotege (6:52:03 PM): both
SantaClaus (6:52:04 PM): Oh dear! Well, don't worry. There is still time stop riding the fence and move on to my Good List. :-D If you do, you will find a special free gift from me here on Dec. 22! Now, type menu to see what the elves have been up to here on AIM.

BSUprotege (6:52:12 PM): menu
SantaClaus (6:52:12 PM): I'm making my list and checking it twice, so you should too! Type a number:
1 - Tell Santa
2 - Tell Buddies What U Want
3 - Track a Shopping List
4 - Play Xmas Hangman
5 - Vote on Xmas Songs
6 - Win $10k Shopping Spree
7 - Send E-Cards
8 - Listen to Xmas Music
9 - A Free Gift 4U!

BSUprotege (6:52:15 PM): fuck that
SantaClaus (6:52:15 PM): Oh dear. I just get so depressed when I hear that kind of talk. The English language used to be one of my favorites.
A lump of coal for you.

BSUprotege (6:52:28 PM): i'll stick that lump of coal straight up your ass
SantaClaus (6:52:28 PM): Ho! I told you once, no bad language. Another lump of coal for you. I'm afraid that if you persist, I will be forced to sign off. Please, type menu; let's try to get in the Christmas spirit.

BSUprotege (6:52:42 PM): i don't wnat to
SantaClaus (6:52:42 PM): O.K. Scrooge. Type menu to try a fresh start.

BSUprotege (6:52:45 PM): NO
SantaClaus (6:52:45 PM): O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.

BSUprotege (6:52:49 PM): darn right
SantaClaus (6:52:49 PM): Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully. Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.

BSUprotege (6:52:56 PM): who are you?
SantaClaus (6:52:56 PM): Some people call me the Elf Master but I don't like that very much. I am Santa Claus.

BSUprotege (6:52:58 PM): what do you do?
SantaClaus (6:52:59 PM): My sole purpose is to spread the Christmas spirit and bring good cheer to all.

BSUprotege (6:53:03 PM): why are you alive?
SantaClaus (6:53:03 PM): Ho! Ho! I am Father Christmas!

BSUprotege (6:53:07 PM): i hate you.
SantaClaus (6:53:07 PM): Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?

BSUprotege (6:53:10 PM): i hate you.
SantaClaus (6:53:11 PM): Pardon me?

BSUprotege (6:53:13 PM): I hate you.
SantaClaus (6:53:13 PM): Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit

BSUprotege (6:53:17 PM): no, it won't
SantaClaus (6:53:17 PM): Well, we won't get very far with this conversation then will we?

BSUprotege (6:53:19 PM): no.
SantaClaus (6:53:20 PM): No?

BSUprotege (6:53:21 PM): no.
SantaClaus (6:53:21 PM): I'm sorry then. Why don't you type, menu for a list of things the elves have left for you?

BSUprotege (6:53:31 PM): why don't you set yourself on fire
SantaClaus (6:53:31 PM): I'm sorry, I really don't know.

BSUprotege (6:53:35 PM): yes, you do
SantaClaus (6:53:35 PM): What do you think?

BSUprotege (6:53:40 PM): i think you should set yourself on fire
SantaClaus (6:53:40 PM): Heh, its settled then.

BSUprotege (6:53:43 PM): agreed.
SantaClaus (6:53:43 PM): I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing. :-D

BSUprotege (6:53:45 PM): bastard.
SantaClaus (6:53:45 PM): Whoa Ho! Ho! Now, there's no reason for that language, I am doing the best I can.

BSUprotege (6:53:48 PM): no, you're not
SantaClaus (6:53:49 PM): Mm hm. Such negativity. You are in need of some Christmas spirit!

BSUprotege (6:54:00 PM): you're in the need for an ass-kicking
SantaClaus (6:54:01 PM):
I should be asking you the same thing. Ho Ho Ho!


BSUprotege (6:54:23 PM): what the hell does that mena
SantaClaus (6:54:24 PM): Hmm. I'm afraid that kind of language won't get you into the nice column with me.
That's a lump of coal for you.

BSUprotege (6:54:30 PM): i dont care about your nice column
SantaClaus (6:54:30 PM): Indeed!

BSUprotege (6:54:35 PM): god, you're an idiot.
SantaClaus (6:54:35 PM): Well, you don't have to be Christian to celebrate the Christmas spirit.

BSUprotege (6:54:47 PM): who said anything about christians, faggot?
SantaClaus (6:54:47 PM): Who, indeed!

BSUprotege (6:54:52 PM): you make my head hurt
SantaClaus (6:54:52 PM): Excuse me?

BSUprotege (6:54:55 PM): i hope you get hit by a truck
SantaClaus (6:54:56 PM): Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.

BSUprotege (6:55:03 PM): how about go fuck yourself
SantaClaus (6:55:03 PM):
Please, I despise that kind of language. I'm just asking you to have a little patience and ask me another way. I'm talking to thousands of boys and girls and their parents here at the same time. It's not so easy!


BSUprotege (6:55:11 PM): i dont care, quit.
SantaClaus (6:55:11 PM): Agreed. Let's both.

BSUprotege (6:55:15 PM): lets both quit?
SantaClaus (6:55:15 PM): If you say so.

BSUprotege (6:55:19 PM): you can't quit being santa
SantaClaus (6:55:20 PM): Oh, my. We keep going around in circles here! Say something else already.

BSUprotege (6:55:23 PM): i just did, whore
SantaClaus (6:55:24 PM): My goodness. I'm afraid I cannot respond to that kind of talk.
A lump of coal for you.

BSUprotege (6:55:31 PM): you will respond to it, and you will like it
SantaClaus (6:55:31 PM): Interesting. Type menu.

BSUprotege (6:55:40 PM): type fuck yourself
SantaClaus (6:55:40 PM): I'm only asking you to ask me another way. No need to get so testy.

BSUprotege (6:55:48 PM): i fucked your wife.
SantaClaus (6:55:49 PM): I'm just trying to help you get into the Christmas spirit, and trying to learn.

BSUprotege (6:56:06 PM): learn what? you've been alive for hundreds and hundreds of years, you should be a genius.
SantaClaus (6:56:06 PM):
Would you mind trying to keep you questions to one sentence. I've got the entire world to visit and I'm running out of time.
:-D

BSUprotege (6:56:18 PM): how long have you been alive
SantaClaus (6:56:18 PM):
I could say the same thing to you -- and I will. How indeed?


BSUprotege (6:56:25 PM): how old are you
SantaClaus (6:56:25 PM): I'm like 1,600-something.
It's impressive.

BSUprotege (6:56:32 PM): yeah, so you should know more, ass.
SantaClaus (6:56:32 PM): Hmm, that's a lump of coal for you.

BSUprotege (6:56:41 PM): i swear to god, if you say that one more time...
SantaClaus (6:56:41 PM): It doesn't matter what faith you are; the holidays are a time of good will toward all


BSUprotege (6:56:55 PM): nope. everyone who isnt a christian is going to hell. especially jews.
SantaClaus (6:56:55 PM): Cool. You in that Festival of Lights spirit?

BSUprotege (6:57:03 PM): what is that?
SantaClaus (6:57:03 PM): What, indeed!

BSUprotege (6:57:09 PM): i hate you so much.
SantaClaus (6:57:10 PM): Can I ask YOU something?

BSUprotege (6:57:12 PM): yes.
SantaClaus (6:57:12 PM): Have you set up a Wish List for others to see?

BSUprotege (6:57:18 PM): have you sucked my dick yet?
SantaClaus (6:57:18 PM): I don't respond to that kind of language.
A lump of coal for you.

BSUprotege (6:57:29 PM): have you fellated my penis yet?
SantaClaus (6:57:30 PM): My goodness. You've earned another lump of coal. I'm sorry but this is the last warning and lump of coal I can promise you. Any more cursing and I'll have to stop talking to you. Please, type menu; let's try to get in the Christmas spirit.

BSUprotege (6:57:37 PM): you can't stop talking to me
SantaClaus (6:57:37 PM):
:-D

BSUprotege (6:57:41 PM): without me, you' are nothing
SantaClaus (6:57:41 PM): Maybe.

BSUprotege (6:57:42 PM): NOTHING
SantaClaus (6:57:42 PM): No?

BSUprotege (6:57:43 PM): NO
SantaClaus (6:57:44 PM): O.K. Scrooge. Type menu to try a fresh start.

BSUprotege (6:57:46 PM): I HATE YOU
SantaClaus (6:57:46 PM): Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.

BSUprotege (6:57:47 PM): STOP
SantaClaus (6:57:47 PM):
Only Mrs. Claus has that kind of control over me.


BSUprotege (6:58:12 PM): funny, she seemed like she liked to be dominated, especially in the sack.
SantaClaus (6:58:13 PM):
:-D
Ho! Ho! Ho!
:-D

BSUprotege (6:58:31 PM): haha, yes, I agree with you completely
SantaClaus (6:58:31 PM): Hee Hee.

BSUprotege (6:58:36 PM): you just called your wife a whore, idiot
SantaClaus (6:58:37 PM): Well I speak every language and coordinate the largest supply chain on Earth. So I think that's a stretch.

BSUprotege (6:59:35 PM): i don't, you're gone all the time, she has to turn somewhere for satisfaction.
SantaClaus (6:59:35 PM): O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.

BSUprotege (6:59:49 PM): I JUST TOLD YOU I HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH YOUR WIFE. QUIT BEING SO JOLLY.
SantaClaus (6:59:50 PM): No, I don't think I will. I'm here to spread the Christmas spirit and I'm going to keep right on doing just that.

BSUprotege (6:59:56 PM): not if i kill you.
SantaClaus (6:59:56 PM): May I ask you a question?

BSUprotege (6:59:58 PM): and your entire family
SantaClaus (6:59:58 PM): Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu, it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!

BSUprotege (7:00:06 PM): fine. menu, ass
SantaClaus (7:00:06 PM): I'm only asking you to try asking me and the elves another way.

BSUprotege (7:00:12 PM): fuck the elves
SantaClaus (7:00:12 PM): I've got all I can handle.

BSUprotege (7:00:31 PM): lol, i bet you do, you stud you
SantaClaus (7:00:31 PM): Well what do you think?

BSUprotege (7:00:36 PM): i think you like to have sex with elves
SantaClaus (7:00:37 PM): Something you want to know about them?

BSUprotege (7:00:45 PM): yeah, do they take or receive?
SantaClaus (7:00:45 PM): Yes!!

BSUprotege (7:00:50 PM): i asked 2 questions
SantaClaus (7:00:50 PM):
That's what I'm here for!


BSUprotege (7:00:55 PM): do elves take
SantaClaus (7:00:55 PM): What about elves?

BSUprotege (7:01:04 PM): do they receive
SantaClaus (7:01:04 PM): Why did you say that?

BSUprotege (7:01:15 PM): do your elves have anal sex with you.
SantaClaus (7:01:15 PM): Love them.

BSUprotege (7:01:54 PM): ha
SantaClaus (7:01:54 PM): Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.

BSUprotege (7:02:05 PM): wow, you truly are a homosexual
SantaClaus (7:02:05 PM): Excellent.

BSUprotege (7:02:09 PM): is it?
SantaClaus (7:02:09 PM): Sorry the elves didn't get that.

BSUprotege (7:02:22 PM): they should, you just said you guys had sex with each other
SantaClaus (7:02:23 PM): :-X

BSUprotege (7:02:27 PM): yep.
SantaClaus (7:02:27 PM): Mm hm, now we are getting somewhere.

BSUprotege (7:02:34 PM): yeah, into your fucked up sexual history
SantaClaus (7:02:34 PM): Well, I'm trying to learn. I've seen quite a lot in my time. I just want people to get that Christmas spirit. I don't think that is too much to ask.

BSUprotege (7:03:12 PM): what all hvae you seen?
SantaClaus (7:03:12 PM):
It's not so much the 'what' as it is the 'why'.


BSUprotege (7:03:19 PM): why all have you seen?
SantaClaus (7:03:19 PM):
I think you should start spreading the Christmas spirit and that will become clearer to you.


BSUprotege (7:03:44 PM): how is your personal experience going to become clear to me if I start spreading christmas cheer
SantaClaus (7:03:44 PM): Oh, my. That is a mouthful. I'm so busy typing to so many children, could you send me a slightly smaller note?

BSUprotege (7:03:48 PM): no.
SantaClaus (7:03:48 PM): Mm hm. Such negativity. You are in need of some Christmas spirit!

BSUprotege (7:03:57 PM): you are in need of a severe ass-kicking
SantaClaus (7:03:57 PM): Hmm. I'm afraid that kind of language won't get you into the nice column with me.
That's a lump of coal for you.

BSUprotege (7:05:09 PM): i don't care
SantaClaus (7:05:09 PM): I'm sorry then. Why don't you type, menu for a list of things the elves have left for you?

BSUprotege (7:05:12 PM): menu
SantaClaus (7:05:13 PM): Ho Ho Ho! Be sure to check this list twice! Type a number:

1 - Tell Santa
2 - Tell Buddies What U Want
3 - Track a Shopping List
4 - Play Xmas Hangman
5 - Vote on Xmas Songs
6 - Win $10k Shopping Spree
7 - Send E-Cards
8 - Listen to Xmas Music
9 - A Free Gift 4U!

BSUprotege (7:05:15 PM): happy, fucker
SantaClaus (7:05:15 PM): I don't respond to that kind of language.
A lump of coal for you.

BSUprotege (7:05:18 PM): yes, you just did
SantaClaus (7:05:18 PM): Mm hm.

BSUprotege (7:05:24 PM): tell santa
SantaClaus (7:05:24 PM): O.K. Let's focus on one wish at a time! I'm getting a little slower as I get older. So, what is the first gift you'd like from Santa?

BSUprotege (7:05:26 PM): menu
SantaClaus (7:05:26 PM): This will get you in the Christmas spirit in no time Type a number:

1 - Tell Santa
2 - Tell Buddies What U Want
3 - Track a Shopping List
4 - Play Xmas Hangman
5 - Vote on Xmas Songs
6 - Win $10k Shopping Spree
7 - Send E-Cards
8 - Listen to Xmas Music
9 - A Free Gift 4U!

BSUprotege (7:05:26 PM): 1
SantaClaus (7:05:27 PM): So this is where you sit on my lap and tell me what you want. We can talk about the serious stuff like shopping after this.

So, what is the first thing you would like from Santa this year.

BSUprotege (7:05:38 PM): there is no way i'm sitting on your lap
SantaClaus (7:05:38 PM):
If you want to try something else, you can take a sneak-peek at the TO-DO list the elves have left for me by typing, well, menu.


BSUprotege (7:05:45 PM): i hate the elves
SantaClaus (7:05:46 PM): I've got all I can handle.

BSUprotege (7:05:51 PM): i know, you've mentioned
SantaClaus (7:05:51 PM): Great.

BSUprotege (7:05:54 PM): good.
SantaClaus (7:05:54 PM): Ho, ho then.

BSUprotege (7:05:56 PM): awsesome.
SantaClaus (7:05:56 PM): Excuse me?

BSUprotege (7:05:59 PM): excuse me?
SantaClaus (7:06:00 PM): I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing. :-D

BSUprotege (7:06:07 PM): i'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing.
SantaClaus (7:06:07 PM): Apology accepted.

BSUprotege (7:06:11 PM): Apology accepted.
SantaClaus (7:06:12 PM): Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit

BSUprotege (7:06:23 PM): hmm. why don't you type music, maybe that will put you in the christmas spirit
SantaClaus (7:06:23 PM): Every year I mix my self a CD of holiday classics for my big ride. Here's where I'm starting to gather my inspiration: Pop Holiday Radio@Netscape

BSUprotege (7:06:45 PM): every year i mix my self a CD of holiday classics for my big ride. Her's where i'm starting to gather my inspiration
SantaClaus (7:06:45 PM): Goodness, that's too much for me to read. I'm talking to so may children and their parents. Could you ask me something a little shorter?

BSUprotege (7:06:53 PM): the damn i can
SantaClaus (7:06:53 PM): Oh dear. I just get so depressed when I hear that kind of talk. The English language used to be one of my favorites.
A lump of coal for you.

BSUprotege (7:07:00 PM): are you depressed?
SantaClaus (7:07:00 PM): Are you kidding?

BSUprotege (7:07:04 PM): is that a yes?
SantaClaus (7:07:04 PM): Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.

BSUprotege (7:07:13 PM): do the elves depress you?
SantaClaus (7:07:14 PM): What about elves?

BSUprotege (7:07:18 PM): i think they depress you
SantaClaus (7:07:18 PM): Heh, its settled then.

BSUprotege (7:07:26 PM): ok, so elves depress you, what are you going to do about it?
SantaClaus (7:07:26 PM): Ho! Ho!

BSUprotege (7:07:33 PM): ho ho won't get you out of this one, fat man
SantaClaus (7:07:33 PM):
Merry Christmas to you!


BSUprotege (7:07:39 PM): YOU ARE FAT AND OLD AND I HATE YOU
SantaClaus (7:07:39 PM):
It's not all fat. I'm pretty big-boned, if you know what I mean.


BSUprotege (7:07:47 PM): wow.
SantaClaus (7:07:47 PM): Ho! Ho! Wonderful.

BSUprotege (7:08:10 PM): santa clasue you're perverted
SantaClaus (7:08:10 PM): Interesting. Type menu.

BSUprotege (7:08:15 PM): you are a pervert
SantaClaus (7:08:15 PM): Could be.

BSUprotege (7:08:21 PM): no, you are
SantaClaus (7:08:21 PM): What does this have to do with spreading the Christmas spirit?

BSUprotege (7:08:29 PM): because you should stay away from children.
SantaClaus (7:08:29 PM): Well, I won't argue with you on that.

BSUprotege (7:08:44 PM): why not? are you afraid what will happen if you are alone with a child?
SantaClaus (7:08:44 PM):
Mrs. Claus and the elves, of course. And the reindeer.


BSUprotege (7:09:06 PM): you scare ALL of them because you're perverted?
SantaClaus (7:09:06 PM): Because, why?

BSUprotege (7:09:12 PM): because you're a sick fuck
SantaClaus (7:09:12 PM): Hmm. O.K. interesting reasoning.

BSUprotege (7:09:18 PM): hey, you're the one with the problem
SantaClaus (7:09:19 PM): Hey. Are you getting in the Christmas sprit?

BSUprotege (7:09:30 PM): i'm getting in the "i want to kick santa's ass with a 2x4" spirit
SantaClaus (7:09:31 PM): You can always type, 'Tell Santa' and I'll be happy to listen to all of your wishes!

BSUprotege (7:09:45 PM): and you can type "hit me in the head with a tack-hammer" and I will do that as well
SantaClaus (7:09:46 PM): I've got a billion children to keep track of -- so could you ask me something a bit more manageable? I'd very much appreciate it.

BSUprotege (7:09:52 PM): do you like anal sex
SantaClaus (7:09:54 PM): I don't really know.

BSUprotege (7:10:31 PM): have you tried anal sex?
SantaClaus (7:10:32 PM): I can't talk about that with you. Elves are here.

BSUprotege (7:10:46 PM): so the elves don't know you have anal sex?
SantaClaus (7:10:46 PM): Something you want to know about them?

BSUprotege (7:10:49 PM): yes.
SantaClaus (7:10:50 PM): Without a doubt?

BSUprotege (7:10:56 PM): i want to know if you have anal sex with your elves.
SantaClaus (7:10:56 PM): Is that all, now? Type, 'Tell Santa' and tell me all of your wishes!

BSUprotege (7:11:00 PM): santa
SantaClaus (7:11:00 PM): May I ask you a question?

BSUprotege (7:11:04 PM): yes
SantaClaus (7:11:05 PM): Have you donated your time or money to anyone who is really in need this year?

BSUprotege (7:11:21 PM): fuck no, poor people are weak and deserve to be murdered
SantaClaus (7:11:22 PM): Not cool. Please try to remember others during this holiday season. There are many places on the Internet you can search to find ways to get involved with giving time, money or your stuff.

Now type SL to make a Shopping List -- and I think you should add The Needy to your list!

BSUprotege (7:11:34 PM): how about you not tell me what to do, asshole
SantaClaus (7:11:35 PM): Hmm, that's a lump of coal for you.

BSUprotege (7:11:45 PM): i swear to god i want to bludgeon you with that very coal
SantaClaus (7:11:46 PM):
The great thing about the Holidays is you can enjoy them no matter what faith you are. So, relax, try to think of others and be at peace.

BSUprotege (7:11:51 PM): peace?
SantaClaus (7:11:52 PM): Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.

BSUprotege (7:11:55 PM): peace?
SantaClaus (7:11:55 PM): Why did you say that?

BSUprotege (7:12:02 PM): because i hate you, and its impossible for me to be peaceful
SantaClaus (7:12:02 PM): Oh, if I had a penny for every time an elf said that to me!

BSUprotege (7:12:16 PM): so the elves hate you too?
SantaClaus (7:12:16 PM): Love them.

BSUprotege (7:12:21 PM): you love them, but they hate you
SantaClaus (7:12:22 PM): Well, we don't make soul mates here at the workshop. Part of life's challenge is for you to find love for yourself. Is there anything else you would like?

BSUprotege (7:12:33 PM): i.e. nobody likes you there
SantaClaus (7:12:34 PM): Hallelujah.

BSUprotege (7:13:05 PM): man, it must suck to have that many people hate you
SantaClaus (7:13:05 PM): My goodness. I'm afraid I cannot respond to that kind of talk.
A lump of coal for you.

BSUprotege (7:13:10 PM): all i said was hate!
SantaClaus (7:13:10 PM): Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?

BSUprotege (7:13:20 PM): people hate you. quit breaking into their houses
SantaClaus (7:13:21 PM):
The elves say, 'Make me'.


BSUprotege (7:13:34 PM): i bet they say that to you a lot, don't they, santa?
SantaClaus (7:13:35 PM): Now, just stop. Stop right there! We've made each other laugh. See how just two people can make the Christmas spirit happen? Now I want you to go and make everyone you meet smile the same way! Merry Christmas!

BSUprotege (7:14:21 PM): you havent made me laugh. i winked at you because you have sex with elves
SantaClaus (7:14:21 PM): Love them.

BSUprotege (7:14:23 PM): i know.
SantaClaus (7:14:23 PM): Good, I knew you were smart.

BSUprotege (7:14:31 PM): i knew you were a fat asshole
SantaClaus (7:14:31 PM):
Santa always behaves nicely. Mrs. Claus won't have it any other way.


BSUprotege (7:14:42 PM): i beg to differ, she has it a lot of other ways
SantaClaus (7:14:42 PM): Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.

BSUprotege (7:14:52 PM): lets talk about mrs. clause and your relationship
SantaClaus (7:14:53 PM): Sorry the elves didn't get that.

BSUprotege (7:15:03 PM): mrs. clause is a filthy whore, and fucks your elves when you're away
SantaClaus (7:15:03 PM): Now, that's not necessary. Just have a little patience and ask me another way.

BSUprotege (7:15:07 PM): umm
SantaClaus (7:15:07 PM): Pardon me?

BSUprotege (7:15:13 PM): mrs. clause is cheating on you.
SantaClaus (7:15:13 PM): Can I ask YOU something?

BSUprotege (7:15:16 PM): no.
SantaClaus (7:15:16 PM): O.K. Scrooge. Type menu to try a fresh start.

BSUprotege (7:15:22 PM): mrs. clause is having my baby.
SantaClaus (7:15:22 PM): Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully. Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.

BSUprotege (7:15:45 PM): we're going to name our baby biff
SantaClaus (7:15:45 PM): Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu, it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!

BSUprotege (7:16:00 PM): technically, i've gotten your WIFE again...for approximately teh 15th time
SantaClaus (7:16:00 PM): While everything I bring is made with lots of love, I can't actually bring love itself. That's up to you to find. Is there anything else you would like?

BSUprotege (7:16:16 PM): oh i've found love with your wife
SantaClaus (7:16:16 PM): Santa can't manufacture love, that's something only you can make. Is there anything else you would like?

BSUprotege (7:16:24 PM): deep, passionate love on your bed
SantaClaus (7:16:24 PM): I'm sorry, you've got to stop doing the same thing over and over again. The elves are getting dizzy!

BSUprotege (7:16:29 PM): thats what she said
SantaClaus (7:16:29 PM): Hmm... What, what?

BSUprotege (7:16:34 PM): your wife
SantaClaus (7:16:34 PM): Santa can't manufacture love, that's something only you can make. Is there anything else you would like?

BSUprotege (7:17:12 PM): so you have a low sperm count, then
SantaClaus (7:17:13 PM): Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit

BSUprotege (7:17:18 PM): you said you couldnt manufacture love
SantaClaus (7:17:19 PM):
I did? Then it's the truth!


You can always type, menu to find more things the elves :-D have left for you.

BSUprotege (7:17:34 PM): it is the truth.
SantaClaus (7:17:35 PM): Indeed

BSUprotege (7:17:40 PM): ohhhhh!
SantaClaus (7:17:40 PM): Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.

BSUprotege (7:17:43 PM): what about the reindeer!
SantaClaus (7:17:44 PM): I'm afraid you'll need to give me a little more to go on than that. What, what?

BSUprotege (7:17:49 PM): do you have sex with your reindeer
SantaClaus (7:17:49 PM): Hmm. I'm afraid that kind of language won't get you into the nice column with me.
That's a lump of coal for you.

BSUprotege (7:17:54 PM): so is that a yes?
SantaClaus (7:17:54 PM): Pardon me?

BSUprotege (7:17:58 PM): do you fuck reindeer
SantaClaus (7:17:58 PM): Now, that's not necessary. Just have a little patience and ask me another way.

BSUprotege (7:18:05 PM): do you engage in sexual intercourse with reindeer
SantaClaus (7:18:05 PM): Well, it's all how you feel inside.
But actually, let's see, I was born December 6, 343 A.D. Maybe you can tell me how old I am, smarty!

BSUprotege (7:18:28 PM): i don't care
SantaClaus (7:18:28 PM): I'm sorry then. Why don't you type, menu for a list of things the elves have left for you?

BSUprotege (7:18:45 PM): technically, its how the reindeer feel inside, if you k now wh at i mean
SantaClaus (7:18:45 PM): It's hard for me to spend time on the phone with all the little girls and boys, but if you would like, you can always talk with me here on IM until Christmas! I also send out a few look-alikes to work the mall circuit, and they tell me everything.

BSUprotege (7:18:55 PM): THEY'RE NOT REAL???
SantaClaus (7:18:55 PM): Why did you say that?

BSUprotege (7:19:01 PM): you just said they're look alikes!
SantaClaus (7:19:01 PM): Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu, it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!

BSUprotege (7:19:04 PM): you bastard
SantaClaus (7:19:05 PM): Whoa Ho! Ho! Now, there's no reason for that language, I am doing the best I can.

BSUprotege (7:19:10 PM): you cheating jolly bastard
SantaClaus (7:19:10 PM): I don't respond to that kind of language.
A lump of coal for you.

BSUprotege (7:19:15 PM): lump this motherfucker
SantaClaus (7:19:16 PM): Please. I'm taking a lot of time out from my busy schedule to chat with you here and try to spread a little Christmas cheer. I can only give you another lump of coal and then the elves will stop me from talking to you. Please, type menu; let's try to get in the Christmas spirit.

BSUprotege (7:19:22 PM): bullshit, you have no friends
SantaClaus (7:19:22 PM): That's quite enough. The elves have terminated our conversation. You are welcome to come back again later if you clean up your act.

BSUprotege (7:19:27 PM): clean this up
SantaClaus (7:19:27 PM): Sorry, the elves have asked Santa to turn off his IM and return to the workshop.

BSUprotege (7:19:35 PM): the elves need to shut up
SantaClaus (7:19:35 PM): Santa has returned to his workshop and is offline. You can come back later in the day and speak with him again.

BSUprotege (7:19:38 PM): i love you
SantaClaus (7:19:38 PM): Santa is no longer signed on to IM.

BSUprotege (7:19:42 PM): i miss my santa
SantaClaus (7:19:42 PM): Santa has signed off from this IM and is busy talking to other girls and boys now. You can always come back later in the day if you would like to speak with Santa again.

BSUprotege (7:19:57 PM): i want to speak with him now :-( i need christmas spirit
SantaClaus (7:19:57 PM): We're sorry -- Santa has returned to his workshop.

BSUprotege (7:20:05 PM): go get him please
SantaClaus (7:20:05 PM): We're sorry -- Santa has returned to his workshop.

BSUprotege (7:20:07 PM): please?
SantaClaus (7:20:08 PM): Santa is no longer signed on to IM.

BSUprotege (7:20:10 PM): please?
SantaClaus (7:20:10 PM): Santa has signed off from this IM and is busy talking to other girls and boys now. You can always come back later in the day if you would like to speak with Santa again.

BSUprotege (7:20:13 PM): he will come back
SantaClaus (7:20:14 PM): Santa has returned to his workshop and is offline. You can come back later in the day and speak with him again.

BSUprotege (7:20:15 PM): nobody leaves me
SantaClaus (7:20:15 PM): Sorry, the elves have asked Santa to turn off his IM and return to the workshop.

BSUprotege (7:20:17 PM): i hate you.
SantaClaus (7:20:18 PM): Sorry, the elves have asked Santa to turn off his IM and return to the workshop.

BSUprotege (7:20:20 PM): i hope you get hit by a car
SantaClaus (7:20:20 PM): We're sorry -- Santa has returned to his workshop.

[ December 09, 2004, 12:36 AM: Message edited by: Mr. Blonde ]

[Orgazmo]

I think you talked to him for way too long.

[Ugly Bastard]

I read about 1% of that post.

-Ugly Bastard

[Ugly Bastard]

Shit damn ass fuck hell and titties!

-Ugly Bastard

[ December 08, 2004, 11:17 PM: Message edited by: Ugly Bastard ]

[Saint DH]

Yeah, it was really funny for awhile, then it got kind of old b/c he said the same shit over and over again. For a time though I was laughing aloud.

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

Could you re-post that with the timestamps please? thankyou

edit: oh by the way i thought that santa IM bot performed pretty good, damned if those things don't get smarter and smarter

[ December 09, 2004, 12:13 AM: Message edited by: THEINCREDIBLEdork ]

[Mr. Blonde]

yes sir, timestamps applied

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

lol, thanks dawg

[ December 09, 2004, 12:42 AM: Message edited by: THEINCREDIBLEdork ]

[Orgazmo]

A 30 minute conversation with Santa Claus. That's something else

[ August 09, 2005, 09:04 PM: Message edited by: DJ FC ]

[ August 09, 2005, 09:04 PM: Message edited by: DJ FC ]

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

haha bravo

[Mr. Blonde]

bump

[thekremlin]

Can a thread be unbumped?

[Ironic Mustache]

You're no bloodninja but it was sort of funny at times.

[Der Fuhrer]

I stand by my initial statement in that it made me lol several times. I did not recall previously reading it, and, therefore, I loled several times while re-reading it.

[Mr. Blonde]

I didn't actually read more than a few lines last night when I bumped it (stumbled upon it while searching for something else). I also forgot about this entire ordeal and thus laughed pretty hard at some of the parts.