"Some Guy is Stalking Me!"

[Ugly Bastard]

My friend Jason Day wrote this funny and on-point article highlighting his frustration with women who like to play the "I have a stalker" card. This article was originally posted in his blog here. Hope you enjoy, and if you do, add him on Facebook and tell him.

In my 33+ years of life, I have realized that there are a few indisputable facts on this earth. One of those facts that I have to come to grips with is that men and women just see the world differently. I realize this. I accept this. However, despite that, I still don't agree that logic has to be a casualty in the differences between men and women. And that brings me to one of my biggest pet peeves about women that I want to discuss today.

So please, all women reading this, heed what I'm telling you. You'll be better off for it...

So recently, I was out and a girl who started telling me how a guy she knows is "stalking her." Having heard this "a guy is stalking me" story about 638 times in my life from previous girls I've known, I was a tad skeptical of where this story was going. But, in an effort to quantify my theory that this story was going where every other "stalking" story I've heard in the past has gone, I asked her to proceed. She began telling me how this guy she sees every day (and this is verbatim, folks) "always looks at me and comes over to talk to me every day. He even asked for my email address." I didn't say a word thinking that she was just doing a dramatic pause for impact before she got to the juicy part of the story. However, the story never continued. That was it. That was her version of being "stalked" by another guy. When I asked what she did when this guy did this to her, she said, "nothing. I just smiled and tried to change the subject."

And here in lies the problem, ladies. Logically it's impossible for you to conclude from this story that this girl was "stalked." She was hit on by a guy. It happens. And it happens a lot. If you're a cute girl, guys are going to hit on you. As sure as I am that the sun will rise in the morning somewhere on this planet, I'm just as sure that guys are always going to hit on girls. But this isn't about a guy stalking you. It's about you wanting to make an overly elaborate story to hide what you're really trying to do, which is tell us that you were hit on by another guy. Please, for the love of God, don't think we don't see through this every single time. Clearly, though, you do think that because it happens ALL THE TIME. A girl will tell me she was "stalked," or tell elaborate stories of guy’s persistence towards them in an effort get them out. Yeah, we know. We're guys. None of that surprises us. Guys are going to hit on girls. Every day of your life, ladies, that's going to happen to you. But you already know that. This has nothing to do with a guy hitting on you. But rather the fact that your self-esteem is so low to the point that you feel compelled to make up these elaborate stories to hide what you're really trying to accomplish, which is telling us that you were hit on in hopes that it will make us jealous. And ladies, trust me when I tell you this, that move is as transparent as the window I'm looking out of right now.

So ladies, for starters, stop doing that. We are guys. We can smell our own from a mile away. It is common knowledge to us that when you're out and about, you're going to get hit on by other guys. Therefore, you make yourself look incredibly stupid when you begin to tell us tales of being hit on throughout your day. We know what you're doing and no, it doesn't make us jealous. Not smart guys, at least. Granted, there are a few out there who will take the bait and get jealous, thus giving you the reaction you were looking for. And if you're with one of those guys, more power to you. But most of us who possess a little common sense know what you're doing and we're not going to take the bait. In fact, it has an adverse effect of how we view you. If you pull that move, we're not going to think to ourselves, "Wow. My girl is so hot that she gets hit on all the time. I'm such a lucky guy to have her in my life." Yes, ladies, we know this is the thought you're trying to conjure up in our heads with these stories. I'm here to tell you, though, that the actual thought is more along the lines of "Wow. Is this girl's self-esteem THAT low that she needs to tell me about being hit on by another guy in hopes of making me jealous?"

This epidemic has also made its way to Facebook. It’s somewhat of an extension of what I referred to my in my previous column about the innocent little social networking site. Case in point: I sign on the other day and I see a girl posts this long elaborate story about how cute her son’s reaction was to a guy talking to her. I’m paraphrasing here, but the post went something like this:

“With Billy today waiting in line to get our cable box and after seeing a gentleman talk to me, he says “Mommy, you’re pretty but only Daddy should be able to talk to you!” It was soooo cute!”

Yeah, that’s adorable. What else is adorable is you using your kid as a pawn to get across the real message you’re desperately trying to convey, which is to tell the world you got hit on by a guy and masking it as some cute little story about Billy. This isn’t about cute little Billy and you know it. This is trying to come across as telling an innocent story about your kid when, in reality, we all know what you’re doing. Stop insulting our intelligence by bringing poor little Billy into his Mommy’s world of low self-esteem. Little Billy deserves better than that. Just come out with the “guys still think I’m hot and, case in point, one hit on me today.” I’d be much less critical if you just came out with something along those lines than attempting to mask it with a BS story about your kid’s reaction to it. I’ll give 10-1 odds little Billy said no such thing by the way. He probably said something like “Mommy, I like baseball” and you manufactured your little story based on that.

And it doesn’t stop there. Here’s another little case study to help accentuate this point. I see a Facebook status update from a very attractive girl that reads

“I just accepted 2 friend requests with no pics. They were new “profiles in progress.” I’m waiting to see if it’s my lunatic stalker.”

Let me go ahead and translate that post for you just in case you missed the extraordinarily weak attempt to hide what this girl is really trying to do here. Translated, that post reads “Hey, look at me! I’m pretty and desired by lots of men to the point that some even stalk me!”

Yeah, we get it. Of course you’re being “stalked.” You’re just too hot and naturally that brings out our crazy gene that says we just can’t be civilized around you. No, we have to “stalk” you. Of course we do. Oh, and guys, you aren’t off the hook here. You morons proceeded to post about 15 comments on this, including a bikini shot request that just perpetuates this behavior even further. You gave her exactly what she was looking for, which is confirmation that she is indeed an attractive girl. Well done, a-holes.

This brings me to my next point. I hear a lot from girls about guys who "won't leave them alone." This is an extension of what I'm referring to above. You hear girls say things like "he won't leave me alone" or "this guy can't take a hint." Then there's my personal favorite exaggeration as mentioned above with the "this guy is stalking me" take. Every time I hear a girl tell me a version of one of those statements, I always follow it up with a "what do you say to him when he does this" question and, without fail, the answers are always similar. It's always something playful and cute rather than blunt and honest. Perhaps this is because girls just fear confrontation and will do anything they can to avoid it. Or, perhaps it's something a little more than that. I'm not so sure that deep down, these girls don't love that attention and while they'd never act on it, getting hit on or "stalked" by these guys is something they enjoy. It raises their self-esteem and makes them feel good about themselves.

I mean, let's be honest, who doesn't like being made to feel that they are beautiful? So I don't begrudge any woman for not confronting a guy and being blunt with him when he flirts with you. Being flirted with is fun and makes you feel good about yourself, so more power to you.

BUT, you can't have it both ways, ladies. You can't enjoy being flirted with only to then go to your boyfriend and tell him how much it bothers you when guys do that to you. Your hypocrisy can only go so far. Allow me to let you in on a little secret about guys. Ready? Ok, here goes. We (guys) have egos. And most of us are very persistent and if you give us a ray of hope, we're not going to stop in our pursuit of you. Not all guys are like this, but most you encounter are. So if you are playful with a guy or throw up a nice curve ball as your form of rejection, guess what? He'll keep hitting on you. Unless a guy is told firmly that you are not comfortable with the way he's talking to you or you firmly tell him "No," he's going to keep coming. So the logical thing to do if getting hit on REALLY, TRULY bothers you is to tell the guy doing it, "I have a boyfriend and I don't feel comfortable with you talking to me like this. I'd appreciate it if we can just be friends and you stop doing this." 98% of the time, that's going to do the trick (I leave a 2% buffer for the true psychos). But more times than not, that guy will never bother you again. And you know what's funny about all this? You ladies know this.

Yet, oddly enough, you rarely handle it in that manner. That's because deep down, you want your cake and you want to eat it too. You want to continue to be hit on by guys because it makes you feel good, but then you also want to placate your boyfriend by telling him how much it bothers you (while, of course at the same time trying to make him feel jealous with your tales of being hit on all the time or my personal favorite "stalked" hoping these tales will lead to your man having some sort of epiphany on how hot you are, how in demand you are, and how lucky he should feel being with you).

In conclusion, the main thesis of this entry is four-fold:

1.) Stop embellishing stories of being "stalked" to mask the fact that you're just trying to tell us you were hit on by another guy so we'll get jealous and realize how lucky we are. That trick doesn't work and will ultimately back fire. You look more pathetic than you do desirable when you resort to these transparent tactics.

2.) Guys – if you see a girl who you know is obviously looking for affirmation that she’s attractive, don’t take the bait. You just add to the problem. She wants you to respond. She needs you to respond (Jack Nicholson tone from Few Good Men), but just stay quiet and ignore that instinctive impulse to be a cheese ball and respond with some empathetic line in hopes that she may think you’re so overly charming that she just has to rush over to your house and rip her clothes off for you. You’re not. You’re simply a pawn in her game to make herself feel better about herself. It has nothing to do with you, buddy. Keep quiet.

3.) Stop using Facebook comments to try to hide what your real message is, which is that you were hit on. I know it makes you feel good when you’re hit on and you like sharing that because that, also, makes you feel good. But just come out and say it. Masking it in the forms of ridiculously elaborate stories is pathetic. Anyone with an IQ over 40 is going to see right through it.

4.) Stop insulting our intelligence by saying you hate being hit on by guys but then do nothing to stop that behavior when it happens. We know you like it and we have no problem with you liking it. It's natural to enjoy being made to feel good about yourself. But when you try to manipulate our minds by telling us how much you hate it when your behavior when it occurs completely contradicts your message to us, you end up looking foolish.

[Orgazmo]

While this is a great article that brings up a fact that should be brought to light, I find that the most interested part of this post is that it showed up on Blonde's facebook.

Did you deliver it to him directly? Or can we safely assume that he is still among us?

Blonde, are you reading this? Please come back.

<3

[DJ FC]

Originally Posted by Orgazmo

While this is a great article that brings up a fact that should be brought to light, I find that the most interested part of this post is that it showed up on Blonde's facebook.

Did you deliver it to him directly? Or can we safely assume that he is still among us?

Blonde, are you reading this? Please come back.

<3

Dude, fuck that.

If Blonde doesn't send you the Secret Santa gift, I hope he never comes back.

[Fruitacious B]

Has he been thoroughly Negrepped for his consistent failure to provide the gift yet?

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

I have feeling thats the only reason for his hiatus... avoid neg reps.

[DJ FC]

His rep is still too high. I wish we could reset him to 0.

[vaga1220 *]

I don't think he's paid enough yet. what he's done is unconscionable, even if he never posted again it wouldn't be enough. Suicide is the only option imo.




















That or send the fucking gift already. For Christ's fucking sake, Jesus fuck is it really that hard?

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

I don't care for people who can't keep promises. Seems like a big character issue Asberger's or not.

[Der Fuhrer]

I, for one, know that girls like being stalked. I've stalked several girls in my time, and while they all ended with restraining orders, I know that they're just playing hard to get.

edit: Although I consistantly remind them anonymously that they're not all that hard to get to.

[Mr. Blonde]

Solid post and article. I know countless girls who have said this to me, and almost always girls who are looking for attention. I have never heard or seen evidence of ANY actual stalking, but good god damn do women love to talk about all the unwanted attention they're getting. I hope this gets some publication somewhere, he should submit it to MABTW or nomarriage.com

[Ugly Bastard]

It got some publication: AlphaBeta.com - "Stalking"

[Beebs]

Is there sort of a basis point where behavior crosses into stalking?

[DDTempest]

Originally Posted by Beebs

Is there sort of a basis point where behavior crosses into stalking?

Yes, the point where you are born ugly. As soon as you are born ugly all interest you have in women becomes stalking.

[Mr. Blonde]

Related:

YouTube - Tom Brady on SNL skit (Smigel): "Sexual Harassment and You"

YouTube - Tom Brady on SNL skit (Smigel): "Sexual Harassment and You"

[Ugly Bastard]

Same guy wrote this. I enjoyed a hearty chuckle or two.

All Things, Jason Day: Top 5 Most Hated People In This World

[Ugly Bastard]

Another good article IMO on marriage/cheating/monogamy:

All Things, Jason Day: Why Monogamy Doesn't Work

[Der Fuhrer]

The article had some good points and some bad. I agree with the author on many of the points why men and especially why women cheat. However I disagree with a few of the things he said.

First, I do not agree that humans are animals. While we are creatures of this Earth, we are also so far beyond that of a normal animal that to label us as animals seems ignorant. Animals are primitive, instinctual, and without reason. Humans on the other hand, although possessing instincts, are capable of reason and logic. We are not a slave to our instincts. We can rationalize and make a mental choice to behave in a certain way. For example, if we were merely animals then everyone would consistently react with complete emotion. We would not be able to use logic to decide the "right" or best reaction. If you piss a human off, they're probably not going to rip your face off. If you piss off a dog, a horse, a cat, or a lion it's going to try and fuck you up. If it can it will kill you. Go ahead, piss your dog off, I bet it bites your ass.

Second, I don't agree with the whole adage, "a man is only as faithful as his options". It's completely ridiculous. There are plenty of married men who had many options throughout their lives but stayed faithful to their spouses. They stay faithful because they love them. Regardless of the DNA-coded instinct to pursue, they genuinely love their wife. The general population lacks an extremely admirable quality these days. It's called integrity. This is especially true when it comes to relationships and marriage. They lack the integrity to make a rational commitment and follow through on their word. This lack of integrity that our younger generations exhibit has many causes. Personally, I think a lot of it has to do with Hollywood and the media. But don't get me started on the evil institution that is Hollywood, I hate everything that it stands for.

Another reason I think marriages fail is because people marry for the wrong reasons, and because they mistakenly believe they are in love. Instead of marrying because they are actually in love, they marry because of attrativiness, money, prestige, or comfortability. They may love certain aspects of the person, but they do not love the person as a whole. This may cause them to mistakenly believe they are in love. Also, I believe that the wide acceptance of pre-marital sex adds to the confusion. Don't get me wrong, I don't think pre-marital sex is grossly perverse or inherently evil by any means. I do believe that it is often over-done. People are blinded by their lust and longing for physical connection, that when this spark wears out they have nothing left to stand on. If you're not fucking your significant other several times each and every day, you will have to find other ways to enjoy your time together. You will have to get to know each other on another level than just physical. Then you are much better able to judge wether you could stand to spend the rest of your life with them. Again, I blame Hollywood for many of today's character flaws in the general populace. I really hate Hollywood and everything about it.

In addition, because I do believe men have an inherent need to hunt and pursue a female mate, pre-marital sex can hinder the longevity of a relationship on this primal level because it effectively ends the chase. As the saying goes, "why buy the cow when you can drink the milk for free?" Females give it up far too easily far too often. If they want the guy to really feel like he hunted down the biggest prize in the world, then don't give it up to him so freakin easy and frequently. Don't be a cocktease either, bitch.

All-in-all, it was an interesting read. Just my two Reichmarks.

[Ugly Bastard]

More Jason Day gold: Sex Addict? Oh Come On! All Things, Jason Day

[Ugly Bastard]

More lolz: “I Love Being Single” All Things, Jason Day

if you're enjoying these articles, bookmark his site bc eventually I'll prly stop linking to his entries in this thread.

[Mr. Blonde]

Richard Dawkins and male privilege | Bad Astronomy | Discover Magazine

This is a really interesting discussion on the interwebs today, and i'm disappointed we don't really have any ladies to weight on it.

Here is the tl;dr:

A popular female skeptic blogger was at a conference, and at one point at night was in an elevator going up to her floor. There as a man in the elevator, and he told her he found her fascinating and invited her to his room for coffee. She declined politely, and that was the end of it. She made a post on her blog apparently in an awareness fashion to help educate guys on how not to creep women out. Dawkins responded that this is ridiculous being that nothing happened, compared to Muslim women in highly-Islamic societies. Dawkins is catching a lot of heat for it.

I myself am a bit torn in what to think.


Here are a bunch of Reddit comments on the matter: Is Richard Dawkins in the wrong here? : atheism

[Mr. Blonde]

The Reddit thread is gold. Found this gem:

Girl poster: she was saying that many women are already uncomfortable, so please don't make it worse by doing something creepy (like asking her up to your room). she wasn't saying it was men's fault for the fact that women are uncomfortable, she was just stating the fact.

really, there are better and less creepy ways to ask a woman out than asking her to come to your hotel room in the middle of the night.



Guy poster: Have you ever BEEN to a convention? This happens ALL the time, by all genders.

I know any number of women who have expressed wanting to be propositioned in this or similar ways, by someone they had their eye on.

It's a red herring to say it's the situation, when so clearly it's whether or not she is attracted to the individual. I have heard the "creepy" line when a guy at a college asked a girl out on the quad, in the open, with tons of people about. It's not about enclosed space or open space, alone or with other people, middle of the night or middle of the day.

It's about whether she finds the guy attractive. End of story.

[Saint DH]

Girls are kind of cunts like that. The way I see it, fuck their comfort, you're the one putting your balls on the chopping block. Fortunately for me, every girl finds me attractive.

[Repugnant Abomination]

It's only sexual harassment if the girl doesn't find you attractive.

....And then I read the last part of Blonde's post.

Dammit.

[DDTempest]

Originally Posted by Dirty Harry

Girls are kind of cunts like that. The way I see it, fuck their comfort, you're the one putting your balls on the chopping block. Fortunately for me, every girl finds me attractive.

Yet you've never been seen with one ... gay much?

[Mr. Blonde]

DH I have it on good word no one has seen you with a girl in at least 3 years.