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05-13-2009, 04:27 PM
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#851 (permalink) |
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Spice Master
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 17,969
Internets: 278288
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Dude raises a bear from a cub
Who is that chick? she's an actress, i can't think of any movies she has been in but apparently it looks like she married this dude. |
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Last edited by Mr. Blonde; 05-13-2009 at 04:29 PM. |
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05-13-2009, 10:10 PM
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#853 (permalink) | |
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Ahoy Fuckbag
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: In a pineapple under the sea
Posts: 3,540
Internets: 187030
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Quote:
Missi Pyle | |
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Quote:
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05-14-2009, 02:20 PM
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#854 (permalink) |
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MURICAN
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Virginia
Posts: 5,136
Internets: 250185
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 The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them. |
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05-21-2009, 10:45 AM
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#857 (permalink) |
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MURICAN
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Virginia
Posts: 5,136
Internets: 250185
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The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them. |
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05-22-2009, 06:44 PM
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#859 (permalink) |
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Lost in Hilbert Spice
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Surrounded by knaves and fools
Posts: 3,507
Internets: 177361
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Googlism
Probably not of the day, but you'll spend a minute typing some people you know in. orgazmo is a sex farce that celebrates lust ugly bastard is on board to remind us how special we really are ugly bastard is heralded in the media a being a great british success story dent is capable of cleaning areas that are difficult dent is no american george w. bush is also a member of the illuminist satanic secret society george w. bush is a moron mr. blonde is a raging (I think it missed off HOMOSEXUAL) mr. blonde is never wrong so i'd believe all the hype if i were you |
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05-26-2009, 11:04 PM
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#862 (permalink) |
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Spice Master
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 17,969
Internets: 278288
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So, you're in love with one of your friends, but she has a boyfriend and probably wouldn't have sex with you anyway.
What you will need: 1 x knife, 1 x ring, access to a sunbed, the ability to grow a beard. Step One: Place the ring on your wedding finger and avoid contact with your friend for a month. Step Two: Stop shaving and use the sunbed to gain a tan. Step Three: After a month when your beard is full and your tan is noticeable, remove the ring from your finger. Step Four: Remove all your clothes and break into your friend's house. Step Five: Use the knife to cut your body in various places. Avoid the face. If possible, focus on your back. The more blood the better. Step Six: Enter your friend's bedroom and lie face down on the floor. Wait for her return. Step Seven: When she enters the room pretend to be unconscious. Allow her to turn you over and try to wake you for a few seconds before you open your eyes. The injuries to your body will serve as a distraction to your nakedness. She will be more concerned about your wellbeing instead of fearing the naked man in her room. Step Eight: When she asks you what's happened you should ignore her questions. Instead you must act confused and ask the date. If it's September 15th she will say 'September 15th' to which you must reply 'No, what year is it?' Step Nine: Upon hearing the year say the words 'It worked.' Pretend to lose consciousness again for a few seconds, implying that whatever it is that has worked took a great effort. Step Ten: If your friend is a curious person she will probably ask 'What worked?', even if she doesn't ask this question it is important that you now say the words '(Insert Friend's Name), I'm from the future' in your most deadpan voice. Step Eleven: Pause for ten seconds to allow the incrediblness of the situation to sink in. There will be no reason for her to doubt your claim, because your beard will make you appear many years older and your cuts would add weight to the idea that you've come from a post-apocalyptic future where a war is currently taking place. Step Twelve: Raise your left hand to your face. All women are very observant, so your friend will immediately notice the tanline on your wedding finger. If she is educated to a decent standard she will realise that you are married and your ring has simply disappeared, because clothing and other items cannot travel through time. Your nudity will support this. Step Thirteen: Now comes the hard part - The monologue. In your own words you must give a speech in which you mention all of these key points: a) You are married to each other in the future b) Her current boyfriend is dead c) The world is coming to an end. It's up to you to pick a reason, but I would recommend a war against machines. This whole situation will be backed up by the Terminator franchise d) In the future your relationship is not going well e) You've come back in time because you can't help but feel that she would have been happier with her current boyfriend if he hadn't been killed f) Her current boyfriend is going to be hit by a bus on a day six months from her present. She should stop him going to work that day g) If she does exactly what you say this current version of yourself will be erased and you will never get married. If she questions this flaw in your time travel logic, because you cannot change the past, simply reference Back to the Future Step Fourteen: Unless your friend is made of stone she will now be overcome by emotion, especially at your selflessness. Get to your feet and go to kiss her goodbye. It is important that you do this with the confidence of a man who has done this to her many times. Step Fifteen: There is now no possible way that you aren't about to have sex with her. You're naked, kissing her, in her bedroom, agreeing to erase a version of yourself from history to make her happy. And as far as she knows you've had sex many times in a future that will no longer happen, so she thinks to herself that maybe she should have one memory of it. Step Sixteen: After having the sex, ask to borrow some clothes then leave. Step Seventeen: Shave off your beard and coat your wedding finger in fake tan. Carry on as if nothing has happened. There will be three possible outcomes: 1) During the sex some feelings that she didn't know existed are awakened and she will leave her boyfriend for you. 2) Life will carry on as normal. 3) You will be filled with guilt because of this moral grey area where you aren't entirely sure if what you've done counts as some kind of low level rape. You will take your own life by hanging, overdose or wrist cutting. Batteries Feel Included: 309 |
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05-30-2009, 11:53 AM
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#866 (permalink) |
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MURICAN
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Virginia
Posts: 5,136
Internets: 250185
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My favorite
http://www.mspaintporn.net/t-rex_santa.gif |
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The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them. |
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06-01-2009, 07:28 PM
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#867 (permalink) |
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I make bad decisions.
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Desert
Posts: 3,018
Internets: 108015
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INTERVIEW PROJECT - NEW EPISODE EVERY THREE DAYS
David Lynch is going to interview a random person every three days until the end of the year. |
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06-05-2009, 05:55 PM
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#868 (permalink) |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Puget Sound
Posts: 4,594
Internets: 1608
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whatstheharm.net -- repository for stories dealing with things like alternative medicine, psuedo-science, and general human stupidity.
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07-07-2009, 08:28 PM
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#869 (permalink) |
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Lost in Hilbert Spice
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Surrounded by knaves and fools
Posts: 3,507
Internets: 177361
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E-mails from an Asshole
Posted in the Sexbox, however it deserves a little more attention. favourite so far. Original ad: I am looking for inexpensive dog apparel (T shirts, sweaters, etc.). My dog is a Minature Pinscher. He is a boy and he is around 12 lbs. Maybe you bought some clothes for you pet and they have grown out of them. Also, if you know of any places or websites that offer cheap dog clothing. Either one, please let me know! I really do not want to pay $20 for dog accessories! Thank you! From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org Hi, I saw that you are looking for clothing for your dog, so I think it is a fair assumption that you are the type of person who likes to buy stupid shit. In that case, I just broke up with my girlfriend, and she has a ton of crap like that that I want to get rid of. I have a "no place like home" welcome mat, a valentine bear that talks when you squeeze it, the first season of Gilmore Girls on DVD, and one of those singing fish things. Let me know if you want any of this shit. Thanks, Mike From Katie ******** to Me Your assumption is incorrect. I do not like to buy stupid shit. I just like to pamper my dog as I don't have any kids. Thanks, but I am not interested in any of those items. From Mike Anderson to Katie ******* In that case, I have a 32" Sony LCD TV for your dog. You can put on the Animal Channel for him. I'll sell it to you for $400. - Mike |
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07-08-2009, 02:47 AM
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#870 (permalink) | |
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Spice Master
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 17,969
Internets: 278288
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Quote:
From Mike Hunt to *********@***********.org Hi, I am interested in taking all six kittens off of your hands. How much do you want for them? Mike From Shannon ******* to Me Mike, Are you going to take care of all of these kittens? I want to make sure they all find a good home, and was expecting to sell them one at a time. Are you able to house all six of them? From Mike Hunt to Shannon ******* Shannon, To be honest, I own a pet Bengal Tiger and he is on a strict diet of cats. I usually feed him one cat every couple of days, so this litter should hold him over for a while. Don't worry though, I'll take good care of the kittens until I feed them to him. Mike From Shannon ******* to Me That is horrible! You will not get a single kitten from me. I really hope you are not serious. From Mike Hunt to Shannon ******* Shannon, I was kidding. I seriously need all six kittens though. Disregard anything I said about a tiger. From Shannon ******* to Me NO. | |
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07-08-2009, 10:40 AM
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#871 (permalink) |
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Lost in Hilbert Spice
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Surrounded by knaves and fools
Posts: 3,507
Internets: 177361
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The World?s Leading maker of safe 10-inch Table Saws ? SawStop
Not really a website, but a really fucking cool piece of technology, check out the video. |
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07-08-2009, 06:33 PM
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#873 (permalink) | |
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Resident Pube Inspector
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 96
Internets: 299
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Quote:
1) It uses an electric signal to detect flesh. The blade stops when it comes in contact with flesh because the signal changes, as flesh conducts electricity. 2) Since it monitors the currency of electricity, I would doubt that it has any false alarms, so long as you're using your table saw for for norm (cutting wood). The blade is only a one time use type of thing, every time it stops to save a hand/body part, you need to replace it and a brake cartridge for for only $69! | |
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07-08-2009, 06:37 PM
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#874 (permalink) |
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Lost in Hilbert Spice
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Surrounded by knaves and fools
Posts: 3,507
Internets: 177361
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1. it tells you in the video, a voltmeter is hooked up to the blade, and when it touches skin/im guessing a lot of things that have electrical current the voltage drops, triggering the catch to stop.
2. I'd guess so, not sure how much of a voltage drop would be needed, but voltage fluctuates a little, my guess is that a human drops it a fair amount If it did fuck up it looks like it also fucks the blade up, not sure what the warranty would be like with covering blades, probably less than covering fingers though. Edit : fucking b10 |
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Last edited by Dent; 07-08-2009 at 06:40 PM. |
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Linear Mode
