You're quasi-rhyming scheme is captivating. I love it when the author really does whatever the hell he feels is necessary.
"And in solemn prayers and lullabies
In tattered bibles rest dusty lies
grow up too fast for your regrets
with rosary cheeks and whispering lips"
This whole stanza is pretty pimp. Great use of language here... the word play with rosary cheeks is just brilliant.
"When a soft hello echoes old goodbyes"
Man. I can think of so many occasions when that is relevant. That's just a really well captivated all-inclusive line right there.
"of songs to you, read under trees
filled with loveluster lies tossed around in the breeze"
Good mix of imagery and metaphoricalism.
"As charmed for an age as you'll ever be,
by crosses and floods, famine and disease.
use holy water to put out the fires
started by your religous wars.
Then wrap blessed bandages
around stigmata sores
I'll be your saving grace,
the trinity that calls you home
I'll be the answer to all your prayers
so that you'll never be alone."
I'd like to address the kick-ass-ness of this whole last bit. You make your point head-spinningly clear in the first part, and use some great wordery (much like the word "wordery"). And then tying former specific ideas into the personal tension at the end sort of lets you reflect (more-so if you've had likely applied experiences) and what-not. It works. I really think it works. I'm a fan.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is a recently vented set. Very basic and to the point. PC, you'll probably enjoy this right now.
<font color="gray">dire times devour the land when thought is gone. our power and wisdom and courage defines us all. now I can be what I want. my will to be is strong enough. so set us free.
ridiculous crimes pour through our minds when compassion's out-of-date. how'd we get this off? surely it's not how we were made. I think we could have what we crave if the goal that we sought wasn't blocked; all this shit's in the way. so set us free.
now I know where I can be alone. now I know how I can overcome. now I own my own life, now I know. now there's no way for you to silence what I know.
so fuck your abscence of compassion. fuck your greed and all your guns. you fuck yourself when you look away. it's your own world that you've thrown away.</font>
[ December 16, 2003, 04:54 PM: Message edited by: Titan ]
|