Cooking for Assholes IV: Chicken Parmesan

[Mr. Blonde]

Sup a-holes. Tonight I decided to do some cooking, and I chose some good ole' fashioned italian cuisine. I started out by purchasing the supplies:




Ingredients:

1. Collect Underpants
2. Velveeta
3. Pasta (I used Gluten-Free
4. 3 Tbsp. Olive Oil
5. 1 Egg
6. ????
7. Spaghetti Sauce (I used Newman's Own Sweet Onion and Roast Garlic)
8. 4 Chicken Breasts
9. 1/2 Cup Milk
10. Mozzarella/Parmesan Shredded Cheese
11. 1 Liter Cheap Cab Sav
12. Profit!!!


Mix that egg and milk together a bit like so:




Lets get started on the chixen..pour the olive oil into a skillet:




Thought i'd get to work on that wine.




Dip the chicken breasts in the egg/milk mix:




My particular brand of pasta required me to boil 8 quarts of water then add the pasta:




In lieu of bread crumbs, which I can't have, I opted for crushed up Chex Mix. This was pretty random; I hadn't thought about an adequate bread crumb substitute when I was buying ingredients and this is what I had. I would suggest using bread crumbs if you do this:




Put the chicken in the bread crumb mix:




At this point you are supposed to "brown" both sides of the chicken breast in the skillet with the olive oil...it didn't really work out that well with the chex mix..but i'm sure you'll have better luck!






After that, put the chix in a baking pan, put on a layer of mozz/parm, a layer of the spaghetti sauce, and then another layer of cheese. Then throw it in the oven and bake on 350 degrees for 20-30 minutes, or until the shit starts bubblin.






At this point I realized I had overcooked the gluten-free rice pasta a bit. It apparently doesn't have the same molecular structure as wheat and therefore starts to disintegrate when it gets too hot. So heres that.




I find that cooking is a lot more fun when you have your trusty (except on 12/31/2008 apparently) MP3 player busting out some of your favorite tunes as you drink and cook:




Now that the pasta is "done", time to melt dat Velveeta for some cheesy goodness:




Checked in on the chicken about halfway through...mmmm...is that aborted fetii I smell?




At this point I decided I wasn't getting nearly drunk enough on wine and opted for a stronger spirit:






After adding the pasta to the velveeta, this is what turned out...lol. It looks like grits, but it was a actually pretty fucking delicious abortion of a pasta dish:




The chicken parmesan is done!




Chugged the rest of my tequila sour so I could enjoy some wine with my meal:




Voila! I added in some Halkidiki olives on the side to complete the Italian-ness. "Heyyyy!! I'm walkin heeeyahh!!"






There you go, dickfaces. Enjoy your meal.