Letters of Complaint

[DDTempest]

The premise is simple:
Write a serious and professional complaint while pushing the envelope of absurdity and see how the contacted company responds. You can do this with actual products purchased by simply writing an unsatisfied review or go to the extreme. In general I would recommend writing a letter whenever possible. Nobody writes letters anymore so when a company receives something in the mail they take it seriously. I actually received a free year of text messaging and over $300 in credits for my cell phone when I sent a letter of complaint a couple years back. Most companies will send you some coupons just for writing them!

Just copy and paste your letter into the thread and update it if you receive a response!

I like to start things off with a bang so I offer this letter submitted to Pepsi via their website just moments ago:

Hello Good Sirs,
I want to commend you gentlemen on the rebranding of your entire line of soft drinks. While I may have gone a different way in terms of design, the new packaging certainly does catch the eye and give the impression that times are a changin'. Unfortunately for my Grandmother, not everyone is real keen on the new packaging.

Last week some time, my dearest Grandmother Agness went to the grocery store to buy her staple beverage: Caffeine Free Diet Mountain Dew. I personally find the concept of caffeine free diet beverages to be counterproductive, but that is neither here nor there. The problem arose when Agness could not decipher her old favorite among the new sleek packaging, resulting in her purchasing regular Mountain Dew. Unfortunately Grandma Agness has two major health problems: diabetes and something messed up with her heart.

Well I suppose I should say "had" two major health problems as the combination of caffeine and high amounts of sugar caused her to experience irregular heartbeats and pass out at the top of the stairs and fall breaking her neck and back in several places. While she probably had it coming, I just thought you guys should know that such dramatic overhauls in product packaging can confuse less capable customers and do have devastating effects on families.

Sincerely,
Theodore Sandquist II

[Mr. Blonde]

bahahahahha! I don't see myself doing this but who knows. I wonder how they'll respond.

[f3lix]

I had a situation with my local casino bowling alley in which they advertise their bar specials to be from 11 pm - 2 am. The past two times I have gone in there, the bar hasn't even been open. My first visit was at 12:30 AM and the second at 1 AM. I expressed my displeasure and actually got the manager of food and beverage to come all the way to the bowling alley to hear my complaint. All she ended up saying was that she would make sure somebody would be there during those posted hours in the future. I was quite disappointed to find that she didn't even OFFER any compensation for my complaint. There are five other competing casino bowling alleys which all offer the same $1 bowling, $1 drafts after midnight. What can we conjure up here, guys?

[DDTempest]

Write your own damn letter slacker =P

[hfam95]

Didn't somebody already do something substantially similar to this and then published the letters and responses a few years back?

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

freedom maybe?

[vaga1220 *]

Chee's email to a porn site.

Originally Posted by The Mighty Kimura

I might not be the masterful Troll of my teenage years anymore but I am still as Foggy himself admitted, "intelligent and witty". Note that I am 2-3-5 against Master players, top 30 players in the world, and multi-State champions in Competitive checkers. I am also 1-3-1 against the local State champion two years ago when I was not yet an expert player (rating of 2000 or above).

In this e-mail to this particular porn site, I indirectly indicated that the site member in question is under the age of 18. I go into made up details to trap them. And I used the principle of social proof to get my refund (without asking for a refund directly, I inddirectly did it by talking about how another porn site refunded my money which is of course made up). The next victim of my masterul writing style will be the School Board.

My e-mail to the porn site:

"To the adminstrators of *****.com (site withheld for security reasons),

Yesterday pass midnight and almost morning when I went to the basement to check on the kids and saw my oldest son's computer still on while he was sleeping. I was shocked to discover that he was downloading adult materials from your site and another porn site call blacksandbutts.com.

We are a Chinese family converted Protestants and neither our Chinese traditions or our religion considers pornography to be acceptable. His father had recently made a checking account and check card for him (our son Chee) to prepare him for entrance into college, and now we're shocked how much of a drawback it has became. This morning his father and I talked with him and reviewed his checking account statement, he has incurred charges of $2.95 and $29.95 for a total of $32.90 for blacksandbutts.com on November 18 and $24.95 for this site on November 22. After interrogating him for two hours straight and searching his room and computer, we found about 20 CD-RWs that contained porn movies from the two site. We confisicated his computer and all his CD-RWs, he then told us that he had spent his $30 allowance last month for the CDs. We were even more shocked when we interrogated him about all the porn materials in the CDs, he admitted to using his school's high speed connection to download and burn the movies onto the CDs and was able to do it by disabling the pictures on Internet Explorer so no one would know he was looking at porn he says.

This is very bad for his character/moral development and also very bad for his financial management development especially that he will turn 18 in just May and enter college at the University of Minnesota in just August of next year. We also would like to see him grow up to be married to an Asian woman, all these porn he has been exposed to are all Cacausian women and I'm worried he might not marry a Asian woman. We asked him to give us his e-mail and password used in registering with the two porn sites and I have thoroughly wrote an e-mail to the other porn site earlier this morning and their customer service was very cooperative,helpful and reliable in that they replied to me within 3 hours. They say that they have deleted his membership account and will block the IP addresses from our home and also his school, suggested that I install a parental control software and even refunded all the $32.90 he incurred there. It is our hope that your site will be as cooperative and understanding, I did see that on your site there is a to parents notice. I will after I finish this e-mail I will go get a parental control software, not sure which one is the best though.

Screen name used in the account is: Alter7nate - Password is ******

Thanks"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They sent this e-mail to me this morning:

"Dear Chee Xiong,
This message is to confirm that a refund has been issued to
your account for a product that was ordered with your credit card.

NAME ON ORDER: Chee Xiong
ADDRESS GIVEN:

Ot
US

PRODUCT: *****.com - One Month Membership
AMOUNT OF CREDIT: 23.95 (I forgot that it was $23.95, not the $24.95 claimed in my e-mail)"

[DDTempest]

Originally Posted by hfam95

Didn't somebody already do something substantially similar to this and then published the letters and responses a few years back?

I am in no way claiming that I am the first to write asshole letters to businesses for amusement. I believe at Ball State that creative writing nonfiction 2 even had an assignment to do just this, I am simply trying to bring some activities that will inspire you gentlemen to greatness, or at least provide myself with entertainment.

[DDTempest]

***UPDATE***

Hello Good Sirs,
I want to commend you gentlemen on the rebranding of your entire line of soft drinks. While I may have gone a different way in terms of design, the new packaging certainly does catch the eye and give the impression that times are a changin'. Unfortunately for my Grandmother, not everyone is real keen on the new packaging.

Last week some time, my dearest Grandmother Agness went to the grocery store to buy her staple beverage: Caffeine Free Diet Mountain Dew. I personally find the concept of caffeine free diet beverages to be counterproductive, but that is neither here nor there. The problem arose when Agness could not decipher her old favorite among the new sleek packaging, resulting in her purchasing regular Mountain Dew. Unfortunately Grandma Agness has two major health problems: diabetes and something messed up with her heart.

Well I suppose I should say "had" two major health problems as the combination of caffeine and high amounts of sugar caused her to experience irregular heartbeats and pass out at the top of the stairs and fall breaking her neck and back in several places. While she probably had it coming, I just thought you guys should know that such dramatic overhauls in product packaging can confuse less capable customers and do have devastating effects on families.

Sincerely,
Theodore Sandquist II

Their response:

Dear Theodore,

Thank you for contacting us at Pepsi-Cola about our new graphic designs.

I can share with you that the vision behind our new look was to present a contemporary, optimistic and eye-catching appearance. By your response, I’m thrilled to see we succeeded!

You can view all our new graphics on line by visiting our website at: The Official Site for Pepsi Product information.

We truly appreciate the opportunity to hear from loyal consumers like you. I certainly will share your thoughtful comments with the appropriate people in our company.

I am sorry that your grandmother had a problem finding her product. Was she able to return the product she purchase by accident?

Thanks - Wishing you the best!


Margaret Corsi
Consumer Relations Representative
margaret.corsi@pepsi.com
011873291A

[Orgazmo]

She's fucking dead, Margaret...and she's never coming back.

[Mr. Blonde]

lol. nothing like canned responses to emails that you didn't actually read.

[Cocktooth]

Originally Posted by f3lix

I had a situation with my local casino bowling alley in which they advertise their bar specials to be from 11 pm - 2 am. The past two times I have gone in there, the bar hasn't even been open. My first visit was at 12:30 AM and the second at 1 AM. I expressed my displeasure and actually got the manager of food and beverage to come all the way to the bowling alley to hear my complaint. All she ended up saying was that she would make sure somebody would be there during those posted hours in the future. I was quite disappointed to find that she didn't even OFFER any compensation for my complaint. There are five other competing casino bowling alleys which all offer the same $1 bowling, $1 drafts after midnight. What can we conjure up here, guys?

Are you seriously whining about a casino bowling alley??? Jesus, Felix. I swear you have the highest estrogen level of anyone one this board, ANYONE.

[f3lix]

Shaw, I have no idea why you are saying what you are. If it is supposed to be some kind of a slam on casino bowling alleys, you'd be surprised to know they are the best in Vegas and this specific one hosts PBA events. If you're saying I have a high estrogen level because a bar advertises specials and hours and then aren't even open, then you're (dare I say it again) a fucking idiot. If it is for some other reason, please let me know.

[DDTempest]

And my response, hopefully this results in some coupons or something!

Dear Margaret,

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my message, I am sure your day is very busy and that it can be quite time consuming to respond to what must be dozens of e-mails a day. To answer your question - no my Grandmother was not able to return the product for a refund because SHE IS FUCKING DEAD. How many grandmother's do you think survive a fall down the stairs after breaking their neck and back in multiple places? Did you even read the message I sent before you sent your canned ham response? Next time you copy paste a form letter into a reply box make sure you read the e-mail you are responding to.

But seriously thanks, your personal touch at the end asking about my grandmother getting a refund was real quaint and personable. I am so incredibly pissed off and offended at the nerve you have responding in such a nonchalant manner. I hope you have your resume updated because I will be speaking with your division supervisor first thing in the morning.

Sincerely Pissed,
Theodore Sandquist II

[Mr. Blonde]

This isn't my letter of complaint, but it's a rant from a Virgin Airlines patron. Pretty funny.

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

hey can you post that in the web site of the day too? 3rd times a charm.

[Ugly Bastard]

Originally Posted by f3lix

I expressed my displeasure and actually got the manager of food and beverage to come all the way to the bowling alley to hear my complaint.

It's amazing how easy it is for me to picture that happening.

[DDTempest]

From above:

Dear Margaret,

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my message, I am sure your day is very busy and that it can be quite time consuming to respond to what must be dozens of e-mails a day. To answer your question - no my Grandmother was not able to return the product for a refund because SHE IS FUCKING DEAD. How many grandmother's do you think survive a fall down the stairs after breaking their neck and back in multiple places? Did you even read the message I sent before you sent your canned ham response? Next time you copy paste a form letter into a reply box make sure you read the e-mail you are responding to.

But seriously thanks, your personal touch at the end asking about my grandmother getting a refund was real quaint and personable. I am so incredibly pissed off and offended at the nerve you have responding in such a nonchalant manner. I hope you have your resume updated because I will be speaking with your division supervisor first thing in the morning.

Sincerely Pissed,
Theodore Sandquist II

Her weak reply:

Dear Theodore,

Thanks for your email message. I made a horrible mistake and I am very sorry that I did. I am also sorry that I upset you, that was truly not my intention.

I can totally understand why you would be upset and I can't apologize enough.

I just wanted you to know that I am sorry!


Sincerely,
Margaret Corsi
Pepsi-Cola Consumer Relations

I consider this a closed case. More to come soon.

[Ugly Bastard]

I mean, don't get me wrong DDT, A for effort and everything, but like D for the idea. I just kind of view it as being a dick and wasting people's time who haven't done anything to you to deserve it.

[Mr. Blonde]

Wow, even if you made her feel like the slightest amount of shittiness, job well done

[Ugly Bastard]

If you're going to do it though, at least pick a pseudonym that isn't so obviously a pseudonym.

[DDTempest]

Originally Posted by Ugly Bastard

If you're going to do it though, at least pick a pseudonym that isn't so obviously a pseudonym.

You've clearly never worked in any form of customer service that involves people's names. As a rule of thumb, chances are that any customer that has a problem has an 80% chance of having a ridiculous name.

[Ugly Bastard]

Yea I'm clearly out of my league here. What a silly oversight on my part!

[TwoBlackEyes]

Originally Posted by DDTempest

You've clearly never worked in any form of customer service that involves people's names. As a rule of thumb, chances are that any customer that has a problem has an 80% chance of having a ridiculous name.

Which is why I sign all my letters Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K

[Landing Strip]

Originally Posted by TwoBlackEyes

Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K

Seriously?

Wow.