Where I've been if anybody cares
 

Been gone mostly because I've had other stuff in life take me away from the internet for a while; had to run our chicago office for 3 weeks and live in a days inn on the south side while the regular was in Italy.

Then my Grandfather's brain tumor got big again, he had his second surgery, I was more than a little concerned he wouldn't make it through, but being who he is he fucking went out to breakfast in Middlebury, driving the car, 6 days after major surgery at the Mayo clinic in Minnesota, cutting a tumor thats on his brain stem. Fucking amazing what modern medicine and personal determination can do. Turns out that it is benign, but they can never cut all of it off as its directly on the brain stem, so it might grow again in a few more years, but that will be dealt with if it happens.

Now I'm running IT and being Mr computer fixit while the normal one is in Isreal, and of course on the first day everything fucking goes to hell, but I worked my deep magic on it.

Now I'm training full time at LaGrange Jiu Jitsu, its great, guy is a Torrence Academy blackbelt.

Also I've been alittle embarrassed because I still haven't finished up my degree because of some bad personal shit going on the past few years, so I moved out of Indy, and am working on moving to Denver in a few months, still a vauge plan, but definatly want to do it, G Money would be moving as well.

So theres the story; living in a days inn in chicago for a while, worrying about brain surgery, doing IT, training BJJ, and being slightly embarrassed about being about a semester or so away from my degree but not having the fucking thing yet, looking to move to Denver and finish up my degree not neccesarily in that order, I don't know yet.

What kind of IT work?

If you want to dish, you can dish.

Oh just not getting help for depression and anxiety for a long time, dealing with it through other things, withdrawing from social activity, self medicating if you want to call it that.

Finally got some help, was on SSRI's for a while, feel alot better now, but academically I was so fucked because I couldn't go to class I was so anxious, and then would get depressed about it and the cycle turned on itself. I needed to get out of the situation for a while

So if anybody feels shitty, get some help, its easy and can help.

welcome back asshole. I think the Gmoney you are referring to was known as Gnasty on here. I'm glad you two are planning on having a long term relationship, its a shame about proposition 8. Don't worry about the degree, once your out in Denver you can say fuck you to anyone who would have cared before. I know a couple people who moved out to colorado and fucking love it.

Shit breaks, I fix it or call somebody who can, and doing all the daily/weekly stuff that needs to be done so the office can work.

Oh fuck you, we both happen to like Denver and can live together without getting on each others nerves.

The degree thing is more about doing it for me, because I already have so much experience in the transportation industry I don't really need it; but I don't know if thats what I will end up doing. I just want it for my sake, but I get your point.

like what, networking, computer hardware, software? i'm dying to get into more hands on tech. seriously when i sit at a fucking desk all day and hear people call in calling themselves "webmaster" who don't even know what fucking FTP means it literally makes me want to kill myself them.



EDIT: O FUCKIN GREAT NO STRIKEOUT BB CODE THERE GOES DRAMATIC EFFECT

Well yesterday first thing right in the morning one computer could't log into our system we use for pretty much everything, its an older program written by Dawson called Jwalk, it handles both the taking orders side and the parts side. Then the computer I was gonna move her to joined the rebellion, that took until 10am today to fix. I fucked around with stuff for a while, was finally able to get a troubleshooting output, emailed that to the company, they remotely fixed it after a while.

Then our "drivecam" program went to shit, its the cameras in the buses that are running all the time, but only record when there is a significant g force change or when the drive pushes a bottun, then it stores the 10 seconds before and after.

Check out the website, some great crashes DriveCam | Home

And of course since the program went to shit for a while, a driver at our Holland Mi office backed into another bus (fucking idiots, at least hit something besides our own other bus). But I got it fixed in time so that everything was good.

Basically I just wait for shit to go wrong and then fumble around and eventually fix it, also do things like daily backups, making sure everybody that needs to can log onto our chicago system from Middleburry.

wait, tell me if i'm wrong, but i'm getting a vague memory of your family owning cardinal busses now for some reason? i may be completely wrong, i didn't grow up in the Bury so i don't know all the family businesses as best as the rest, but that would be the only explanation. you working for the fam. bus now?

Yea, fam originally started it way back when, like 1920s, then in the 80s it was 3 companies with the other two being out of Gary and Mishawaka, then we sold, then we bought it back, but just the one company, still own the land and lease it to another bus company in Gary and Mishawaka, then we bought another company in Chicago recently.

Wtf Beebs, you were suffering from anxiety and depression? What were you anxious about?

Well nothing in particular, just everything. Its normal to get anxious at some things, just like its natural to get sad at some things, but being sad isn't being depressed.

Basically just a sense of impending doom whenever I would have to do something; I'd often work myself up to drive to school, get out of the car, walk up to the building, and then just turn around because I was feeling so sick.

Wow, that's crazy. I never would have guessed.

That's not really a valid question for an intelligent person suffering from such diseases. I don't know if you've ever been afflicted yourself but its not exactly like you can "will" yourself out of it by recognizing the problem.

depression is anything but a disease..
More of a state of mind.
That said, it's a shitty condition with no set solution.
All the best to you Beebs.
(I'll pray for you)

maybe once you're out of it. when you're in it, theres relatively no way out without medication imo

Don't go all emo again on us, Blonde.

I'm straight shootin yo. i'm just playin devils advocate

completely disagree, medication does not help.
If anything it can make things worse "I'm a loser who can't cope and take pills to help"
If there's ever a time for an ego boost, it's when you're depressed, I don't think medication helps self esteem

It's just weird to me because Beebs never struck me as the "type" to suffer from anxiety.

i've gone through this...maybe still am..but if I am, I think its towards the tail end of it. had a doctor finally diagnose me with something...and I read about it..and it sounds right on. supposedly it chills out around mid 20s... best of luck to you..for real. it's pretty shitty..thats all i really have to say.

and heaven, while i'll agree with you that depression is a state of mind, so is everything else ...i think i could argue...for example--physical pain.. may sound stupid--or you may get what i mean. if not willing to explain in detail my reasoning behind this.

and you are wrong about medication. i went through a shit ton. finally got switched to something like a little less than a year ago...only took it for like two months because it was so expensive..and had to quit cold turkey (which you def are not supposed to do...and had withdrawals for about 4-6 weeks). anyways, once i was 'off', i felt more 'normal' than i had in the last 7 years. no 'drug' i've ever tried made me feel sooo good, (and i was not on anything), and im not even joking..

HCW:

What you are describing is being a no self-esteem emo fuck. Not depression. Big difference dude.

Wow, the ignorance in this thread is astounding. There is no "type" who experiences anxiety or depression and both have nothing to do with self esteem.

Are you saying that drugs can cure depression? which ones?
I firmly believe that relying on drugs to solve a problem will not work, comparable with religion.
I just don't think its been studied enough to know what goes on, depression has only existed for 25 years.

Taken from wiki

Medication

Antidepressants in general are as effective as psychotherapy; their benefits increase with the severity of the depression,[136][123] although more patients cease treatment than psychotherapy, likely because of the side effects of antidepressants