Well here is a little something for you to all read. I hope it brings a little chuckle to you all:
50 things i wish girls knew......
1. If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear.
2. Swallow. Don't start the race if you ain't gonna finish it.
3. While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your fingers, they hurt really bad.
4. Shave your shit. Seriously, shave it bald.
5. Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody.
6. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.
7. If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a tie, we expect a sexual
favor in return.
8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest moment of our life.
9. If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely because; it stinks, its
hairy, or it stinks and its hairy.
10. You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch.
11. Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those bitches.
12. Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we like you. It means that
we need some ass.
`13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn't mean that you and your friends meet us
at the bar later.
14. If you wonder why your ass looks fat in those tight pants its because you have a fat
ass.
15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get up and leave.
16. Don't think that we don't know that after we take you out and you order a salad to make
us think you eat healthy that you go home and order pizza with your fat friends.
17. Once again, seriously shave your shit.
18. Just cause you get our dick one night, does not give you any right to get it the next.
19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back and act like our
babysitter. We have puked before and know how to handle it.
20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by fucking our friends.
We really don't care what you do.
21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating.
22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn't with one of your friends.
23. Swallow(just in case you forgot #2 already).
24. We don't have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we get in your pants
after.
25. Never under any circumstance take a shit while you are around us or fart. Just thinking
about it makes us sick.
26. While giving us head don't be afraid to fondle our testicles, they don't bite.
27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate your eye.
28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day you had to ask us if
you could speak.
29. If we're about to have sex and we decline because we don't have a rubber its not
because we're scared we're gonna get you pregnant, its that we're scared we're gonna catch
something from your dirty skank ass.
30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you after. Sorry that's just
the way it is.
31. I don't care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don't give a blow job with a
condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a dental damn?? I didn't think so.
32. If we're doing it doggy style there is no reason to turn around and look at us, we're
focused on your ass cheeks and that slapping sound.
33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make sure you scrub them
thoroughly before leaving.
34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start sucking on the inner
thighs rather than the clit, its because your clit smells like a dead trout.
35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life.
36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean that you are pretty or
that we like you. It means that you were our only choice.
37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect you to come home with
us.
38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too.
39. Don't count on us saying we love you, its just not going to happen.
40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we want to have sex
immediately after we say it.
41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn't mean we want you to call us. If we want to
talk then we will call you.
42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we watched a porn instead
of a movie.
43. If you can't dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop trying to dance and start
having more sex.
44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm
45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to give great blow
jobs. Sorry that's just the way it is.
46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex with him. We can't put
into words how it feels.
47. You don't have to ask our permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but
make sure we are there to watch.
48. In case you didn't read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave your shit!
49. Guys don't have sex or make love, we fuck.
50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without dripping or wiping your
mouth afterwards.
one legged pirate
do a girl in the ass and spit on her back....she turns around and u bust in her eye then
kick her in the leg then she hops up and down on one leg and goes ARGHHH
|