Updated and tentatively complete:
This makes two assumptions.
1.) f3lix really was AP's Santa. I feel quite strongly about that based on the type of shit that was in the box + the timeline coinciding with him telling me the box was still in his house but would be soon shipped.
2.) In reality, either FC or UB could be paired with Repug or Fruit. For some reason, I think that UB probably goes to Repug. I really don't have any evidence to back that up, though. It'd be great if Repug could open his god damned gift, though.
Fruit may be dead. This could, unfortunately, mean that J Money doesn't get a gift. It also means that we would miss a reveal. If this is the case, we will truly miss out on two potentially-great things.
What a god damned shame.