I'm writing a book - Page 2 - Nubblies.net Forums

jbonham · 03-01-2006, 09:18 PM

I don't know if you are proofreading for grammatical errors or not, but you have some major comma splices and you use "then instead of "than" in several places. I really like the story so far and find myself wanting more. I think the story will produce a good line, just make sure there are plenty of unexpected happenings. I think it is an interesting idea and could work for you. I read alot of books, especially fiction, and I think this could be something.

ninjaface · 03-01-2006, 11:06 PM

I realize that all the characters really want the money for one reason or another... but they all agree to sign? That seems a little out of place for me. I like the idea of 5 contestants. 5 is a nice number. 2 that know eachother and 3 unknowns. So maybe you could have 6 people invited, and one doesn't sign so you still have 5 competing. I don't know if that would kind of throw things off and make it seem like no one else should sign either. Just an idea.

Repugnant Abomination · 03-01-2006, 11:58 PM

I'm not really re-writing at this time so grammatical errors are going uncorrected right now.

I've been toying with the idea of having somebody refuse to sign but I'm not sure how much it will change the dynamic..

Keep it comin' people, now is this time to throw ideas around.

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 03-02-2006, 12:48 AM

I feel so torn... I want Tom to win the money and live, but I also want Nicole to win so she can save Nana and pay for her operation!

Orgazmo · 03-02-2006, 03:00 PM

I think that, in the final scene, Tom and Nicole should make a deal such that, with his final waking moments, Tom is able to fuck nicole and semenize her insides so that his child will live on with the 50 million dollars.

Ironic Mustache · 03-02-2006, 03:34 PM

I predict that neither one of them will end up dying some how.

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 03-02-2006, 06:03 PM

Thats impossible, they signed a legally binding contract.

Carnivorous Flavor · 03-02-2006, 08:49 PM

is there a dolphin or a unicorn in this story?

there should be.

03-02-2006, 12:48 AM	#29 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,353 Internets: 290966	I feel so torn... I want Tom to win the money and live, but I also want Nicole to win so she can save Nana and pay for her operation!
	#YOLO

03-02-2006, 03:34 PM	#31 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	I predict that neither one of them will end up dying some how.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

03-02-2006, 06:03 PM	#32 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,353 Internets: 290966	Thats impossible, they signed a legally binding contract.
	#YOLO

03-02-2006, 08:49 PM	#33 (permalink)
Carnivorous Flavor Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: tracking schroeder Posts: 703 Internets: 10	is there a dolphin or a unicorn in this story? there should be.
	i'm the sinful stench that wafts through nostrils of the righteous....

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Had to change my affiliation because this book changed my life.	PassingFad	General Chat	17	01-20-2006 07:30 AM
Post The Paper You Just Wrote Thread	Ugly Bastard	Reviews	18	10-17-2005 03:11 PM

03-01-2006, 09:18 PM	#26 (permalink)
jbonham Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 114 Internets: 10	I don't know if you are proofreading for grammatical errors or not, but you have some major comma splices and you use "then instead of "than" in several places. I really like the story so far and find myself wanting more. I think the story will produce a good line, just make sure there are plenty of unexpected happenings. I think it is an interesting idea and could work for you. I read alot of books, especially fiction, and I think this could be something.

03-01-2006, 11:06 PM	#27 (permalink)
ninjaface Level 20 Holothetan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Space Posts: 5,245 Internets: 210144	I realize that all the characters really want the money for one reason or another... but they all agree to sign? That seems a little out of place for me. I like the idea of 5 contestants. 5 is a nice number. 2 that know eachother and 3 unknowns. So maybe you could have 6 people invited, and one doesn't sign so you still have 5 competing. I don't know if that would kind of throw things off and make it seem like no one else should sign either. Just an idea.

03-01-2006, 11:58 PM	#28 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	I'm not really re-writing at this time so grammatical errors are going uncorrected right now. I've been toying with the idea of having somebody refuse to sign but I'm not sure how much it will change the dynamic.. Keep it comin' people, now is this time to throw ideas around.

03-02-2006, 03:00 PM	#30 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,733 Internets: 311447	I think that, in the final scene, Tom and Nicole should make a deal such that, with his final waking moments, Tom is able to fuck nicole and semenize her insides so that his child will live on with the 50 million dollars.