Wiping your ass: The diverse world of ass wiping techniques. - Nubblies.net Forums

Repugnant Abomination · 02-19-2005, 10:25 AM

Being an ass wiperologist I've come to discover there are two main schools of thought when it comes to the actual technique of wiping one's ass. First, there is the slight raising of your ass off the seat and reaching behind yourself with the toilet paper to wipe. Second, there is the between the legs wipe, where you attack from the front and go back. Gernerally the second way is considered the "bitch" way to go about wiping. As a rule it should be strictly used by women and man-bitches.

Next we come to the way we fold the toilet paper.. I'll just cover the basics. Most importantly it is important to establish how one prefers his toilet paper. There's of course the wad up, and the fold over. As a youth I would practice the wad up, but in my older years I've come to appreciate the fold over. Both are ok, you really just need to find which one is right for you. Personally I find the fold over much more effective if you really need to dig up in that ass to scrape along the curves and get every piece of clinging shit particles possible. It takes a little more time, and it's easy to become to aggressive. One must practice restraint when using this technique or risk becoming a "bleeder". The wad up technique is faster, but sloppier. It's superior in situations where time is a factor. Not recommended if you're into letting your girl toss your salad (unless of course you want to give her a surprise before you break up with her).

Now that we've covered the basic ways to fold the paper, let's talk about the actual wipe itself. I believe it is most common for people to start at the front of the asshole (the end closest to the ball sack) and wipe back. One clean, flawless wipe. Of course, it has been documented some do infact start at the back and wipe to the front. We call this the "frontal push wipe". Next we have the circular wipe. Generally speaking the toilet paper will start on the outter ring of the butthole and circle its way to the core. I dont recommend using this technique unless you are an expert ass wiper, as things can get complicated if you dont know what you're doing.

Next on our list is the asshole itself. The almighty O-ring. When wiping ones ass it's important to keep this muscle loose and unflexed. It's imperative you allow yourself to reach in as far as possible to get every last bit of shit. When straight men feel anything poking at their asshole the initial reaction is to tighten up. Try to resist this reflex unless you dont trust yourself not to finger your own asshole.

There are endless brands of toilet paper so I wont dive to deeply into this aspect of it, but the most important thing is to get a nice sturdy product. You dont want those flimsy brands that dont double stack the squares. You know, the kind you find in highschool bathrooms where you need about 50 squares just for one wipe so you the paper wont break and you wont get shit all over your hand.

Also, when deciding how much toilet paper to use take into account the following: How strong of a flush does this toilet have? How thick is the paper I'm using? What is the the best ammount of paper to get the job done without wasting any?

Follow these simple guidlines and your ass wiping experience should be a pleasant one. Feel free to chip in with your own tips.

-And that's my post.

underwater · 02-19-2005, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Repugnant Abomination:
...Not recommended if you're into letting your girl toss your salad...

Alright. I never really got this... EVEN IF you were the most supreme of ass-wipers, this would still be an unpleasant event for anybody wishing to lick somebody else's ass. Not just because it's an asshole they're licking (although that hugely grosses me out as well,) but you'd have to take a damn shower and SCRUB your ass before engaging in such activities. Why? Because simply wiping wouldn't get all of the crap off. Even if you couldn't see any of it, there would have to be a little bit of shit-smell and -taste left, even if only slightly. Wiping just wouldn't do it.

Orgazmo · 02-19-2005, 04:51 PM

I, much like you, Mr. Abomination, have slowly transferred from a wad-artist to a paper-folding machine. It's incredible the amount of control the fold offers when compared to the wad. I'm not sure how I managed during my younger years, the time before I was introduced to the fold.

Ugly Bastard · 02-19-2005, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Repugnant Abomination:
Second, there is the between the legs wipe, where you attack from the front and go back.

Wow, not only have I never tried that, but I've never even thought of it, or heard of it.

After all the shits I've taken in my life, you'd think it would have crossed my mind to wipe between my legs. Huh...I'm a little disappointed in my brain. I mean, he does his best work when I'm on the shitter anyway, yet he can't come up with that wiping technique?!? Fuck

edit: I've been a folder all my life. I used to clog up my parent's toilet something awful when I lived there, 'cause I'd make these ultra-thick torpedos that I'd use to wipe my ass with, and they never did flush right. I've since refined my technique a little, and have become a clog-free minimalist.

Here's a solid question, how many times do you guys wipe during a shit? 95% of my shits, I wipe twice. For the really really wet ones, I'll go as high as three, for the really dry "turns out I really didn't have to shit after all" shits, I just wipe once.

-Ugly Bastard

[ February 19, 2005, 02:04 PM: Message edited by: Ugly Bastard ]

ninjaface · 02-19-2005, 06:24 PM

I, too, subscribe to the folding method. Its just better. I typically wipe twice. But here's a question.. has anyone tried to wet the toilet paper before the wipe followed by a dry wipe? I have. It's more of a right-time right-place, maneuver because it is difficult, if not impossible, to wet the toilet paper while in a large public bathroom. It's something I do when I feel the situation warrants it. Those times when I feel as though there may be a fecal phantom still lurking in the shadows. A wet wipe followed by 1 or 2 dry wipes, almost completely insures a thorough wipe. Personally, I try to shower after every shit, but sometimes that's just not possible.

Question #2: Does anyone ever get lost in thought or even space out during a shit? I've found this happening every so often.

[ February 19, 2005, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: ninjaface ]

Ugly Bastard · 02-19-2005, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ninjaface:
Question #2: Does anyone ever get lost in thought or even space out during a shit? I've found this happening every so often.

Oh absolutely. I'll sit on the can for a half hour sometimes in a complete daydream, and come-to with my legs numb as hell.

-Ugly Bastard

George Sherman · 02-19-2005, 07:02 PM

I have actually heard you are only supposed to wipe in one direction, either up or down, however I can't remember which one it is.

ninjaface · 02-19-2005, 07:04 PM

Women are supposed to wipe front to back. Guys get to do whatever the fuck we want.

Orgazmo · 02-19-2005, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ugly Bastard:
and come-to with my legs numb as hell.

Rich will be the man who develops a toilet which never numbs the legs.

underwater · 02-19-2005, 08:41 PM

I've always wondered if guys actually wipe after they piss... Do you really need to, or is it just a 'sometimes' thing?

Calamity Jane · 02-19-2005, 08:43 PM

i heard they didn't.

Beebs · 02-19-2005, 08:47 PM

I don't. I assume other guys do not.

Orgazmo · 02-19-2005, 09:19 PM

Guys shake in lieu of wiping.

Ugly Bastard · 02-19-2005, 09:29 PM

Guys never wipe after a piss.

-Ugly Bastard

StDx · 02-19-2005, 10:30 PM

uhhhh..... you guys don't wipe after you piss?

ProfessorNumber · 02-19-2005, 10:47 PM

Oh shit, so thats what I've been doing wrong when I piss.

underwater · 02-19-2005, 11:09 PM

I figured as much. Assholes.

Repugnant Abomination · 02-20-2005, 01:54 AM

Wiping a mere two times simply cannot clean your butthole very well. I am a fierce advocate of wiping at least six times. That's right, six times, at a minumum. The only time this doesn't apply is when after the infamous "ghost shit". Sometimes I do become a little over zealous and wipe to hard, and to much...That's when you see the little red trails, so be careful.

Since we're talking about number of wipes, I'd like to discuss the evaluation process. After each wipe you glance at the used toilet paper to evaluate how shitty the wipe, and how many more will be required. Most do the wipe, turn and look method. This is common. Infact, I cant think of any other way...Which begs the question: How do the blind know when they dont need to wipe anymore?

-And that's my post.

Mr. Blonde · 02-20-2005, 02:12 AM

They probably bleed a lot more than us "seers"

Ugly Bastard · 02-20-2005, 04:02 AM

6 times makes anuses bleed. I read that on http://whatmakesanusesbleed.com it says on there "6 times does".

-Ugly Bastard

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 02-20-2005, 04:09 AM

I can wipe 10 times without bleeding, I just tested it out. But it doesn't really matter, because I've devised a "squat" that allows me not to have to wipe. I use The Squat in emergency situations like when theres no bathrooms or I need to shit on someones doorstep.

Orgazmo · 02-20-2005, 04:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ugly Bastard:
6 times makes anuses bleed. I read that on http://whatmakesanusesbleed.com it says on there "6 times does".

-Ugly Bastard

That's not a real website.

Ugly Bastard · 02-20-2005, 04:33 AM

No it is. You just have to have special government clearance to get on it. I'm the only person living in Indiana with the clearance. I'm not even supposed to be talking about this...

-Ugly Bastard

Repugnant Abomination · 02-20-2005, 04:38 AM

I believe it was Ninja who mentioned wetting the toilet paper before wiping. This is a good idea, but poor execution on his part. A better and far more practical idea is to use baby wipes. Now, despite the emasculating name they can actually be quite soothing on a enflamed a-hole. Some of the classy brands have a nice aloe vera touch to them. Just avoid the lemon scented ones, that can be detrimental.

-And that's my post.

[ February 20, 2005, 01:48 AM: Message edited by: Repugnant Abomination ]

Ugly Bastard · 02-20-2005, 04:48 PM

Story:

I was just taking a nice phat shit. Everything was going well, life is good. I reach for some toilet paper to cleanse my asshole - we're out. No big deal, open up the door under the sink to get some more - we're out altogether!

Shit. Shit. Now what do I do? Well I'll tell you.

I pulled my pants back up, with my butt cheeks pressed together about as tightly as can be - so as to make sure no residue gets on my boxers. I walk into my bedroom, grab the box of Kleenex's, and return to my throne for a wipe.

This was a vulnerable moment in my life, one I do not wish to repeat often.

Lessons to be learned:

A.) Before you let shit fly out of your ass, be sure there's toilet paper within arm's reach of the toilet.

B.) Wiping with Kleenex isn't fun, avoid it at all costs.

-Ugly Bastard

02-19-2005, 07:02 PM	#7 (permalink)
George Sherman Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Fullerton & Damen Posts: 1,109 Internets: 14	I have actually heard you are only supposed to wipe in one direction, either up or down, however I can't remember which one it is.
	...to abuse the testicles of the establishment.

02-19-2005, 08:41 PM	#10 (permalink)
underwater Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: indiana Posts: 1,453 Internets: 10	I've always wondered if guys actually wipe after they piss... Do you really need to, or is it just a 'sometimes' thing?
	We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind, because your friends don't dance and if they don't dance then they're no friends of mine.

02-19-2005, 10:47 PM	#16 (permalink)
ProfessorNumber Senior Member Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 1,215 Internets: 3373	Oh shit, so thats what I've been doing wrong when I piss.
	Smoke a cigarette and lie some more -- These conversations kill.

02-19-2005, 11:09 PM	#17 (permalink)
underwater Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: indiana Posts: 1,453 Internets: 10	I figured as much. Assholes.
	We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind, because your friends don't dance and if they don't dance then they're no friends of mine.

02-20-2005, 02:12 AM	#19 (permalink)
Mr. Blonde Spice Master Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 17,969 Internets: 284106	They probably bleed a lot more than us "seers"
	Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing. ― Terence McKenna

02-19-2005, 10:25 AM	#1 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	Being an ass wiperologist I've come to discover there are two main schools of thought when it comes to the actual technique of wiping one's ass. First, there is the slight raising of your ass off the seat and reaching behind yourself with the toilet paper to wipe. Second, there is the between the legs wipe, where you attack from the front and go back. Gernerally the second way is considered the "bitch" way to go about wiping. As a rule it should be strictly used by women and man-bitches. Next we come to the way we fold the toilet paper.. I'll just cover the basics. Most importantly it is important to establish how one prefers his toilet paper. There's of course the wad up, and the fold over. As a youth I would practice the wad up, but in my older years I've come to appreciate the fold over. Both are ok, you really just need to find which one is right for you. Personally I find the fold over much more effective if you really need to dig up in that ass to scrape along the curves and get every piece of clinging shit particles possible. It takes a little more time, and it's easy to become to aggressive. One must practice restraint when using this technique or risk becoming a "bleeder". The wad up technique is faster, but sloppier. It's superior in situations where time is a factor. Not recommended if you're into letting your girl toss your salad (unless of course you want to give her a surprise before you break up with her). Now that we've covered the basic ways to fold the paper, let's talk about the actual wipe itself. I believe it is most common for people to start at the front of the asshole (the end closest to the ball sack) and wipe back. One clean, flawless wipe. Of course, it has been documented some do infact start at the back and wipe to the front. We call this the "frontal push wipe". Next we have the circular wipe. Generally speaking the toilet paper will start on the outter ring of the butthole and circle its way to the core. I dont recommend using this technique unless you are an expert ass wiper, as things can get complicated if you dont know what you're doing. Next on our list is the asshole itself. The almighty O-ring. When wiping ones ass it's important to keep this muscle loose and unflexed. It's imperative you allow yourself to reach in as far as possible to get every last bit of shit. When straight men feel anything poking at their asshole the initial reaction is to tighten up. Try to resist this reflex unless you dont trust yourself not to finger your own asshole. There are endless brands of toilet paper so I wont dive to deeply into this aspect of it, but the most important thing is to get a nice sturdy product. You dont want those flimsy brands that dont double stack the squares. You know, the kind you find in highschool bathrooms where you need about 50 squares just for one wipe so you the paper wont break and you wont get shit all over your hand. Also, when deciding how much toilet paper to use take into account the following: How strong of a flush does this toilet have? How thick is the paper I'm using? What is the the best ammount of paper to get the job done without wasting any? Follow these simple guidlines and your ass wiping experience should be a pleasant one. Feel free to chip in with your own tips. -And that's my post.

02-19-2005, 04:51 PM	#3 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,732 Internets: 311447	I, much like you, Mr. Abomination, have slowly transferred from a wad-artist to a paper-folding machine. It's incredible the amount of control the fold offers when compared to the wad. I'm not sure how I managed during my younger years, the time before I was introduced to the fold.

02-19-2005, 06:24 PM	#5 (permalink)
ninjaface Level 20 Holothetan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Space Posts: 5,245 Internets: 210144	I, too, subscribe to the folding method. Its just better. I typically wipe twice. But here's a question.. has anyone tried to wet the toilet paper before the wipe followed by a dry wipe? I have. It's more of a right-time right-place, maneuver because it is difficult, if not impossible, to wet the toilet paper while in a large public bathroom. It's something I do when I feel the situation warrants it. Those times when I feel as though there may be a fecal phantom still lurking in the shadows. A wet wipe followed by 1 or 2 dry wipes, almost completely insures a thorough wipe. Personally, I try to shower after every shit, but sometimes that's just not possible. Question #2: Does anyone ever get lost in thought or even space out during a shit? I've found this happening every so often. [ February 19, 2005, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: ninjaface ]

02-19-2005, 07:04 PM	#8 (permalink)
ninjaface Level 20 Holothetan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Space Posts: 5,245 Internets: 210144	Women are supposed to wipe front to back. Guys get to do whatever the fuck we want.

02-19-2005, 08:43 PM	#11 (permalink)
Calamity Jane Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: indiana Posts: 309 Internets: 10	i heard they didn't.

02-19-2005, 08:47 PM	#12 (permalink)
Beebs Poor Sport Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Indianapolis / Middlebury / Long Lake Posts: 5,306 Internets: 127341	I don't. I assume other guys do not.

02-19-2005, 09:19 PM	#13 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,732 Internets: 311447	Guys shake in lieu of wiping.

02-19-2005, 09:29 PM	#14 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	Guys never wipe after a piss. -Ugly Bastard

02-19-2005, 10:30 PM	#15 (permalink)
StDx Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: right behind you Posts: 931 Internets: 306	uhhhh..... you guys don't wipe after you piss?

02-20-2005, 01:54 AM	#18 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	Wiping a mere two times simply cannot clean your butthole very well. I am a fierce advocate of wiping at least six times. That's right, six times, at a minumum. The only time this doesn't apply is when after the infamous "ghost shit". Sometimes I do become a little over zealous and wipe to hard, and to much...That's when you see the little red trails, so be careful. Since we're talking about number of wipes, I'd like to discuss the evaluation process. After each wipe you glance at the used toilet paper to evaluate how shitty the wipe, and how many more will be required. Most do the wipe, turn and look method. This is common. Infact, I cant think of any other way...Which begs the question: How do the blind know when they dont need to wipe anymore? -And that's my post.

02-20-2005, 04:02 AM	#20 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	6 times makes anuses bleed. I read that on http://whatmakesanusesbleed.com it says on there "6 times does". -Ugly Bastard

02-20-2005, 04:09 AM	#21 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,352 Internets: 290966	I can wipe 10 times without bleeding, I just tested it out. But it doesn't really matter, because I've devised a "squat" that allows me not to have to wipe. I use The Squat in emergency situations like when theres no bathrooms or I need to shit on someones doorstep.
	#YOLO

02-20-2005, 04:33 AM	#23 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	No it is. You just have to have special government clearance to get on it. I'm the only person living in Indiana with the clearance. I'm not even supposed to be talking about this... -Ugly Bastard

02-20-2005, 04:38 AM	#24 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	I believe it was Ninja who mentioned wetting the toilet paper before wiping. This is a good idea, but poor execution on his part. A better and far more practical idea is to use baby wipes. Now, despite the emasculating name they can actually be quite soothing on a enflamed a-hole. Some of the classy brands have a nice aloe vera touch to them. Just avoid the lemon scented ones, that can be detrimental. -And that's my post. [ February 20, 2005, 01:48 AM: Message edited by: Repugnant Abomination ]

02-20-2005, 04:48 PM	#25 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	Story: I was just taking a nice phat shit. Everything was going well, life is good. I reach for some toilet paper to cleanse my asshole - we're out. No big deal, open up the door under the sink to get some more - we're out altogether! Shit. Shit. Now what do I do? Well I'll tell you. I pulled my pants back up, with my butt cheeks pressed together about as tightly as can be - so as to make sure no residue gets on my boxers. I walk into my bedroom, grab the box of Kleenex's, and return to my throne for a wipe. This was a vulnerable moment in my life, one I do not wish to repeat often. Lessons to be learned: A.) Before you let shit fly out of your ass, be sure there's toilet paper within arm's reach of the toilet. B.) Wiping with Kleenex isn't fun, avoid it at all costs. -Ugly Bastard