a very sad day - Nubblies.net Forums

Lucy Fur · 12-24-2005, 12:31 AM

today i had to do something i was hoping i would never have to do.

i was at work today when i got a phone call from the mother of one of my son's friends. she wanted to tell me that another child the boys are friends with died yesterday while snowboarding. i left work immediately and rushed home as this child lives in our neighborhood and i was worried that my boys would hear it from someone else.
telling them was the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life. i tried to break it gently, but really there is no good way. in the end i told them that tony had been snowboarding, tried to do a back flip, and that something went terribly wrong and he died. i assured them that it was instantaneous and he felt no pain. i also told them that although it is horrible thing that happened, tony's parents did a wonderful thing and donated all of tony's organs so that other children could live. and that as of 2 o'clock this afternoon tony has already saved the lives of 6 children that otherwise had no chance of living. right now i have three other little boys over here and they are all crying laughing and talking about their friend tony. it is a very sad situation and yet it is amazing that this group of 10 - 12 year old boys are able to deal with this and help each other out. i have told them that i am here if they need anything and they will come by periodically for hugs.. i don't know what else to do..

any ideas anyone?

angry pancake · 12-24-2005, 01:47 AM

No help here. I think you, carnivor, & U R are the only ones here with kids that age. They might be able to offer me insight than myself.

theMerciless1 · 12-28-2005, 09:41 AM

i actually dealt with a lot of deaths at that age, prolly 5-7 from ages 10-15.
"force" them to deal with it now or it will wreak utter havok in the future.
you're already doing it but dont let them alienate/ isolate themselves, they are most likely not ready for alone time at length.
have they had any experience with death before?

Lucy Fur · 12-28-2005, 10:09 AM

they have never had to deal with death of any kind before this.

the funeral was yesterday. at first it was way too much for the 10 year old and he was sobbing in my lap. but the memorial service was held in what seemed to be an evangelical church and after the 3rd or 4th time we got told to raise our hands and accept the love of jesus or whatever, my son was like, what the fuck.. this is stupid... and then he was okay after that.
they had a friend over again last night and they all played and laughed and talked about their friend tony, just like they did friday night. it seems to help them more than anything that i could do or say would.

Deadly Crescent Kick · 01-01-2006, 10:28 PM

that is aweful. when you're a kid, its one thing when someone old dies. but having a friend at that age die is heavy.

what happened to him?

broken neck?

ur my bitch · 01-02-2006, 01:57 AM

I think the best thing you can do is to talk with them about it and let them know it's ok to cry and let out the emotions involved...and has frank discussions about life and death.

I had a few kids I knew die when I was younger. When I was 9 or 10, a kid I played soccer with got hit by acar and died, on his way to the soccer field. He lived across hte street the the Junior High School where we played soccer and we all saw it happen. So sad. The other couple of deaths were wjhen I was 16 and 17. 16 from a gun shot to the head of a football teammate, gnag related. and at 17 a clsoe friend hung himself in his backyard. We had plans to get together the next day.

The only thing you can do is let them know it;s ok to feel anger, pain and sadness. But, it is a life lesson and they will be ok.

ur my bitch · 01-02-2006, 01:58 AM

oh, forgot anohter girl who was close friends with my close friends got hit by a bus crosing the street to school when I was 15. That was another tough one.

Carnivorous Flavor · 01-03-2006, 11:43 PM

[quote=ur my bitch]and at 17 a clsoe friend hung himself in his backyard. We had plans to get together the next day. QUOTE]

thats weird...cuz i've had the same urge when we've made plans to get together...

things that make you go hmmm.........

12-24-2005, 12:31 AM	#1 (permalink)
Lucy Fur Empress Magnificent Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Florida Posts: 825 Internets: 349	today i had to do something i was hoping i would never have to do. i was at work today when i got a phone call from the mother of one of my son's friends. she wanted to tell me that another child the boys are friends with died yesterday while snowboarding. i left work immediately and rushed home as this child lives in our neighborhood and i was worried that my boys would hear it from someone else. telling them was the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life. i tried to break it gently, but really there is no good way. in the end i told them that tony had been snowboarding, tried to do a back flip, and that something went terribly wrong and he died. i assured them that it was instantaneous and he felt no pain. i also told them that although it is horrible thing that happened, tony's parents did a wonderful thing and donated all of tony's organs so that other children could live. and that as of 2 o'clock this afternoon tony has already saved the lives of 6 children that otherwise had no chance of living. right now i have three other little boys over here and they are all crying laughing and talking about their friend tony. it is a very sad situation and yet it is amazing that this group of 10 - 12 year old boys are able to deal with this and help each other out. i have told them that i am here if they need anything and they will come by periodically for hugs.. i don't know what else to do.. any ideas anyone?
	I am chaos. It is my destiny to destroy.

12-28-2005, 09:41 AM	#3 (permalink)
theMerciless1 Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: ming\'s palace Posts: 1,495 Internets: 412	i actually dealt with a lot of deaths at that age, prolly 5-7 from ages 10-15. "force" them to deal with it now or it will wreak utter havok in the future. you're already doing it but dont let them alienate/ isolate themselves, they are most likely not ready for alone time at length. have they had any experience with death before?
	i who have nothing but the comfort of my sins

12-28-2005, 10:09 AM	#4 (permalink)
Lucy Fur Empress Magnificent Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Florida Posts: 825 Internets: 349	they have never had to deal with death of any kind before this. the funeral was yesterday. at first it was way too much for the 10 year old and he was sobbing in my lap. but the memorial service was held in what seemed to be an evangelical church and after the 3rd or 4th time we got told to raise our hands and accept the love of jesus or whatever, my son was like, what the fuck.. this is stupid... and then he was okay after that. they had a friend over again last night and they all played and laughed and talked about their friend tony, just like they did friday night. it seems to help them more than anything that i could do or say would.
	I am chaos. It is my destiny to destroy.

01-01-2006, 10:28 PM	#5 (permalink)
Deadly Crescent Kick NJ, Toilet Bowl of USA Join Date: May 2005 Location: secret ninja lair Posts: 1,106 Internets: 10	that is aweful. when you're a kid, its one thing when someone old dies. but having a friend at that age die is heavy. what happened to him? broken neck?
	the poster formerly known as-Andy Kaufman NHB Intergender Champion jiu-jitsu isn't the hardass frat guy yelling at you to funnel a beer. its the laid back guy in the corner workin' on 2 chicks.

01-03-2006, 11:43 PM	#8 (permalink)
Carnivorous Flavor Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: tracking schroeder Posts: 703 Internets: 10	[quote=ur my bitch]and at 17 a clsoe friend hung himself in his backyard. We had plans to get together the next day. QUOTE] thats weird...cuz i've had the same urge when we've made plans to get together... things that make you go hmmm.........
	i'm the sinful stench that wafts through nostrils of the righteous....

01-02-2006, 01:57 AM	#6 (permalink)
ur my bitch Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: NY Posts: 540 Internets: 406	I think the best thing you can do is to talk with them about it and let them know it's ok to cry and let out the emotions involved...and has frank discussions about life and death. I had a few kids I knew die when I was younger. When I was 9 or 10, a kid I played soccer with got hit by acar and died, on his way to the soccer field. He lived across hte street the the Junior High School where we played soccer and we all saw it happen. So sad. The other couple of deaths were wjhen I was 16 and 17. 16 from a gun shot to the head of a football teammate, gnag related. and at 17 a clsoe friend hung himself in his backyard. We had plans to get together the next day. The only thing you can do is let them know it;s ok to feel anger, pain and sadness. But, it is a life lesson and they will be ok.

01-02-2006, 01:58 AM	#7 (permalink)
ur my bitch Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: NY Posts: 540 Internets: 406	oh, forgot anohter girl who was close friends with my close friends got hit by a bus crosing the street to school when I was 15. That was another tough one.