How to be emo

[Elegy]

Found this and thought it was pretty good. It might make you angry, though.

How to be Emo

Now, don't get me wrong, I like some emo songs. But, also.... don't get me feminine.... I like them more for their sound than their lyrics. I personally do not see how hard it can be to make up lines like "I am the misplaced words on the tip of your tounge." How do I know that? Because I just made that up. That wasn't planned. It was like a freestyle.....only it was emo. So I guess that would be called "crying."

Well, that was bad. Anyway, I figured all of you kids out there probably are asking "Why am I reading this?" But maybe, just maybe, you also want to know how you can learn to fit into this new scene. Or....in order to make it sound more emo...this new "scream."

So, without further ado, here is a step-by-step list of how to become emo:

1) Lose Any Sense Of Shame: This might be the most important thing to keep in mind. No matter what, you can never let anyone get you un-down. People will give you looks (well, you hope they will....since you are mainly doing this for the appearance) and you are just going to have to deal with this. After you learn how to play a few chords on your acoustic guitar and have scribbled out a few "heart felt" lyrics in your memo book, you are going to have to learn to perform in front of crowds (your mirror or, if you make it big, your parents in between commercials). You cannot afford holding back because you are afraid of what you look like. One key point: if all else fails, CRY. You might look like a girl, but at least you will still be emo.

2) Learn Some Self Control: This is very important. If you are new to this emo-lifestyle (which can also be referred to as "stupid) you might not be used to appearing upset all the time...but you must. You cannot afford to ever crack a smile in public. People may start thinking you are (::gasp: [img]smile.gif[/img] happy? That would not be good at all. Try to learn to save any of these "happy" feelings for when you are alone (most likely you will be alone a lot if you are this emo). When these times come, let out just a brief smile, take a deep breath, and then sniff some onions in order to get your eyes watery (it's a nice effect).

3) The Glasses: The thick-rimmed, black glasses are integral to a perfect Emo Get Up.....Kids (respect the pun). Without these, people may see some of your face. If they do this, you run the risk of showing emotion. It doesn't matter if you need glasses in real life or not, get these glasses. You'll look like Buddy Holly only (if this is possible) not as cool.

4) The Acoustic Guitar: As mentioned above, the acoustic guitar is necessary for any emo kid. Drums? Too simple. Electric guitar? Way too happy sounding. Bass? Despite the low sound symbolizing the depths of your soul, it is still just not quite artistic enough. Flute? Not quite feminine enough. You need the acoustic. When people ask you to play it (even though you obviously don't know more than a few chords) just sniffle a little and say "To play without a girlfriend would be to play without a soul." They will slowly walk away and you won't have to worry about playing it anymore. High Five!!.....oh wait, you don't do those....too happy.

5) The Poetry Book: Write poetry all of the time. Why? Because no one is going to invite you anywhere else, so you might as well kill some time. Use this book of poems to, originally, draw girls' attention and, inevitably, chase them away.

6) The Hair: This is a big deal to an emo-kid. Since he cannot show emotion in any other aspect of his life, his hair must represent him. In other words, your hair must show people you like to follow trends but not look like you are. Therefore, dye it all black and go to a stylist. BUT HE/SHE BETTER BE GOOD.....or else your $30 haircut might not look like you simply cut it yourself. Make sure at least one eye is covered by your hair. When asked why you have your hair over your eye say something like "::sigh:: It is my shield to the cruel world."

7) The Webcam: This is an E-must. If you do not have a webcam, you do not know true sorrow. Take pictures of yourself all the time. Make sure you never appear happy...ever. Okay, well maybe you can smile in one picture, but quickly delete it. Never look directly at the camera, either. That would show interest. The picture should look something like as shown.

8) The Clothes: What is that phrase? Clothes make the man? Well, in this case, someone else's clothes make the man. You can only shop at Salvation Army, Goodwill, or any other place where the average customer gets the early bird special and then grabs some lunch at the local food pantry. If you want to be a "posuer" (if that is still possible) you can grab some t-shirts and the like at your local Abercrombie outlet. These clothes aren't truly "emo," though, because they have a brand name on them. After you're done grabbing some shirts, it's time for some pants. Only Dickies or plain blue jeans can ever touch your legs. Shorts reveal too much leg which, in turn, may show some character on your part. Remember: the key is to remain obscure when you really are secretly hoping to be noticed by everyone. Finally, you cannot forget about the shoes. Stay with anything that looks like you parents wore them for 10 years....only buy them, brand new (again, pun), for $55 at Hot Topic.

9) Music: You're almost there!! You've got the image, now all you need is.....wait, what's that? You are only doing this for the image? Hmm....

Well, let's assume someone out there actually wants to complete their Emo-city. You're final step is choosing the correct music. There are two key points to this. First, ONLY listen to bands that are unknown. If they have already been discovered by anyone other than you, they have "sold out" and you have no respect for them anymore. Secondly, once you find these bands, make sure their names follow this simple formula: They must be three words long; they can start with a "The"; words like"theory," "project," and some type of Day are always a plus.

Finally, if you become a full Emo-head (a.k.a. Cry-Baby) you must join a band. At first, just be a solo artist on your acoustic guitar (see #4). This can also be called the "learn you suck at music" period. After that, if you at least have a decent voice, join a full band. Make sure the name follows the formula I stated above.

Well, that's it. If you can follow these simple steps, you will eventually be a true Emo Kid. Make sure to read everything clearly (wipe your eyes as you read the directions if your tears are getting in the way) because we wouldn't want any mix ups. You might misread something and actually seem content to someone.

[Calamity Jane]

That was pretty good [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Pliedes]

While the popular perception of what is "emo" is distorted, this guide is still pretty on... and humorous.

Of course, if you were keeping up with the times you know that the hip thing isn't "emo kid" anymore, it's "trendy hardcore"... of course you could try to get ahead of the loop and just start attacking indie music...

Great post though.

[Elegy]

*bump

[Fruitacious B]

Elegy, I mean this from the bottom of my heart when I say that you are worthless. With that, this is humorous, but nonetheless, I was too busy crying and writing poetry to read the last half. Sorry. At least I know that I'm following the rules right.

[malibu]

There was a girl that I saw at a show one time that fit the "emo" look perfectly. She had the short black hair, rolled up pants, chuck taylors, a plain black t-shirt that was too small, and of course the thick-framed glasses. That night my friends and myself did definitely get a laugh out of pretending to be emo. Oh well though... nothing against the emo kids here.

[StabMaster Arson]

Fuck emo.

[Titan]

Originally posted by StabMaster Arson:
Fuck emo.

I'll drink to that, and I don't even drink.

...'Cuz I'm <font size="5"><font color="red">STRAIGHT EDGE</font></font>

[Pliedes]

Originally posted by malibu:
There was a girl that I saw at a show one time that fit the "emo" look perfectly...

...and I kicked her from where I was standing and said "hey Malibu"... [img]smile.gif[/img]

[fancymeghan]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.
my heart is in the shape of an ecks.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

...not an emo kid at a show! what is the world coming to?!

[ January 28, 2004, 12:43 AM: Message edited by: fancymeghan ]

[Pliedes]

Fancy is so straightedge that I stabbed her and she bled X's.

[tonguegina]

That's funny, I bleed O's...Tic-Tac-Toe anyone?

[BigDongedHoe]

Honestly what the fuck is the deal with this "emo" or "straight edge" shit. Why in the fuck do you have to classify yourself with a lifestyle in order to fit in.

The only people that try to live out an "emo" lifestyle are the ones who are insecure with themself so they look to try and be different and fit in with others.

If I meet somebody they're another human being not some affiliation with a type of music.

This whole emo and straight edge shit is so fucking gay I can hardly stand to talk about it.

[ January 28, 2004, 11:45 AM: Message edited by: BigDongedHoe ]

[silver and cold]

*takes off glasses, and squints to read the keys.

[Pliedes]

Being emo or sxe is just one of the many ways people seek to mask their insecurities. Everyone does it, it's just what way we do it that's different. Some people use athletics, some use a significant other, some use humor, some actually use detachment...

PS - You're insecure. Yes, you.

[ninjaface]

I can go with that. Except, I still hate that emo/straight edge/goth crap.

BDH has a point though. Why do people have to validate themselves through emo, straight edge, etc..? I know that everyone tries to validate themselves in some way, but could some of these assholes pick a less annoying way to do it? Cure cancer, save trees, nuke baby seals -- whatever. Just stop that emo shit.

[fancymeghan]

well, this way, they can have people feel sorry for them and get attention...but as we all know...it is all about the music.

[Fruitacious B]

Originally posted by fancymeghan:
...but as we all know...it is all about the music.

Damn straight. I'm emo, I'm insecure, and I want you all to like me.

[ninjaface]

You don't have to be emo for me to like you. Just give me money. I'll pretend to like you.

[Pliedes]

Originally posted by Fruitacious B:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by fancymeghan:
...but as we all know...it is all about the music.

Damn straight. I'm emo, I'm insecure, and I want you all to like me.</font>[/quote]At least you know it

[Niger Angelus]

Well, lets take it past emo and sXe, how about all the 'thugs' we have, or even the 'hillbillies'? I mean, I hate it when kids that are white a wearing Phat Farm more than a kid with thick glasses and plugs.

[Mr. Blonde]

yeah, i'm gonna have to go with Niger on that one

[silver and cold]

Originally posted by Niger Angelus:
a kid with thick glasses and plugs.

Just because people have thick glasses and/or plugs, doesn't always signify emo/hardcoreness.

I wont lie, my main music is punk, but I do have the thick glasses, and have since 8th grade, and I have plugs (small ones).

Does that make me one of the emo/hardcore posers?? I sure as hell hope not!

I was doing that to not be cool(geek more so [img]tongue.gif[/img] ), now I gotta find a new style. (punches self in face)

[ January 29, 2004, 04:26 PM: Message edited by: silver and cold ]

[the Butcher]

Originally posted by silver and cold:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Niger Angelus:
a kid with thick glasses and plugs.

Does that make me one of the emo/hardcore posers??</font>[/quote]Yes.

[fancymeghan]

dear the butcher...

you beat me to that comment, bitch. its alright though, we can still be....acquaintances.

love,
fancy.