Sexman Vs. Bastardman

Who would win in a fight between the superhero "Sexman" and the superhero "Bastardman"?

Sexman can shoot lasers from his 13 inch cock, while Bastardman can create holographic images of his rival's loved ones for sexxing to distract the rival. Mid distraction, Bastardman shoots a hot load into his rival's eyes and open wounds to cause a burning sensation. His semen is laden with many diseases that cause near-instantaneous boiling of the blood and death within minutes. So...who would win?

It would be a good fight, but I think that Sexman's lack of remorse for anything would simply get him pissed off if he saw Bastardman penetrating is loved one. He would take out his penis and shoot the laser into Bastardman and end the fight rather quickly. That's my prediction at least . . .

hmm
although I do see your point, I must say that I do not agree with your opinion of the outcome of this fight.

I feel that sexman is probably nto a very angry guy. i mean, he's sexman, so he probably has alot of sex therefore he probably feels pretty good about himself.

bastardman, on the other hand, probably is pissed off 24/7, i mean come on, he has no dad, poor bastard, and i bet he hates everyone since his daddy abandomed him.

I feel that the sheer rage of bastardman would overcum any cum shot by sexman.

so in my opinion, the winner of this fight = bastardman

[BigDongedHoe]

Bastardman all the way in this one

Sexman can shoot lazer's out of his cock...but that's all he's got

bastardman has holographic images and the hot wad

Lazers are also straight shooting so if you miss you miss there's no half hit or anything. Burning hot wad will shoot over a radius for a higher hit percentage. Bastardman takes this one.

[silverteioh]

Bastardman would win without trying. I mean, he would just be shooting off one of his regular loads and OOPS! There goes sexman, disintegrated in by man goo.

The real question is: Who would win, Bastardman or SuperBitch?

Yeah, but to hell with that. You guys aren't really looking at the whole picture, you're focusing in solely on the weapon...but that's not what it's all about. Sexman was raised by Shit-Beast, his mentor. Of course, as you all know, Shit-Beast was the original Sexxor of the late '70s, early '80s. With this in mind you know damn well that Sexman is fast as fuck. Now, Bastardman was a genetic splice of a child born out of wedlock and a wild rooster. With this in mind, his hot wad would probably not even shoot very far...he would have to get really really close to be accurate. By the time he got within wad-shot range, Sexman would simply lasercock him to death...

I'm sticking to my gut instinct on this one, Sexman all the way.

[StabMaster Arson]

I'm not informed enough to make a reasonable hypothesis on the outcome of this bout. however, I do know that if you throw chodaboy into the mix, he would be the obvious victor.

I'm not so sure that I would agree with that statement, Stabmaster. You see, while Chodaboy possesses the fake penis on top of his head, he doesn't have many/any super powers to actually classify him as a superhero. Sexman and Bastardman, both, contain the ability to be pretty much invulnerable to anyone without superpowers...

Orgazmo, on the other hand, could dominate anyone in range of his Orgamatron...

It still should be noted that Sexman's hand has that one sharp claw...sharp enough to carve a portrait of a lovely couple engaging in sex (as he did to Dicklerpants in Issue #47 of sweetmeat monthly). It's plausible that this could make the Orgazmatron's ability a little less powerful...but I still predict his ultimate victory.

*Please do not get confuse in this post. When I say "Orgazmo," I refer to the superhero Orgazmo, as opposed to myself, a simple human named after the godlike being.

you fools
you forget about bastardman's number one defence weapon. The proctsheild.

all he has to do is take a squat, and a massive force field, composed of radiation and a powerful electromagnetic charge, which is stronger than any known substance on this earth. I feel that combined with the sheer rage of bastardman, he could simple take a squat and wait for sexman to tire out, then bust a wad on him.

What kind of dickler are you? How could you have possibly overlooked one of Sexman's most powerful tools, the dick-tunneler. If Bastardman was foolish enough to squat and activate his shield, Sexman would simple unzip, strip, and dip his dick tunneling device into the soil where it would hone in on the subject. His penis would expand and eventually come up inside of the radiation forcefield. At this time a number of actions could take place:

A.) He could simply scare Bastardman with his cock, making him take his guard down and be killed immediately.

or

B.) He could shoot the lasers out of his cock at that time inside of the shield. He would eliminate Bastardman in a snap...

So...either way, the winner is the same:

Sexman

he would have to have very good aim with his dick tunneler...b/c the only part that is unprocted by the proctsheild is the space that is used up by bastardman's two feet, i feel the dick tunneler would definatly have a tough time with this one.

i also feel that the smell alone of the proctsheild (since it comes out of his ass) would be enough to either
A. make sexman extremely sick
B. cause sexman to run away
C. kill sexman

at any rate...winner is still bastardman in my opinion.

[This message has been edited by JohnnyRichter (edited March 04, 2002).]

What in the fuck? You honestly think that the smell would bother Sexman? Have you completely forgotten about his shit smell detector...? When it detects the smell of shit (or anything toxic to him), it engages the smell cuntler. The "smell cuntler" is actually a small fan that points away from Sexman's nostrils and, in times of great peril, can be used to filter unkindly smells.

hmm thats true
but at any rate you of course know of bastardman's ramrod jimmy hat.

He simply slips it on before going into action, and when things get a little rough, he goes for the ram on his oppnent, usually rendering them unconcious with a serious ram.

This is really the only use he gets out of a jimmy hat, since he's a bastard, sex he gets not.
he's definatly a pissed off man.

[This message has been edited by JohnnyRichter (edited March 04, 2002).]