Orgazmo-
I have experienced a laugh or two on instant messenger myself. Perhaps the following copy-paste segment will stir up a chuckly amongst the crowd, this man (billycarois) lives in South Bend and randomly messaged me, hoping I could help him get laid, and of course I was more than happy to help:
billycarois: hey,. are u online ?
UB:yeah
UB:what up
billycarois: not much,..how old are u
UB:18 why?
billycarois: never mind,. have a good night you cant help me your still young, thanks for talking to me
UB:what did you want help with man?
billycarois: its about sex and its illegal to talk about sex with u
UB:you're a guy right?
UB:why the fuck would you want to talk sex to another guy?
billycarois: yeah
UB:are you a flamer?
billycarois: i'm not gay
billycarois: i just wanted some help
UB:just tell me, i know more about shit than you might think
billycarois: okay,.look, i just moved to this place and looking for a woman to have sex with,. can u help on that one,. just tell me where to find her,. i'm totally new,. moved here 2 weeks ago
UB:alright you live in south bend?
billycarois: yep
UB:alright. lemme place a call. just gimme a sec okay!
billycarois: ok,.i'll be thankfulmif you help me
UB:the corner of west and main there is a small gas station. go in and ask the middle aged clerk for jenny's number. jenny is a hot piece of ass that i have set up on the corner of clinton and rockingham, call her and she'll give you directions. just mention my name and you'll be set up
billycarois: well thank you so much,.is there any problem if i pop there tomorrow in the afternoon
UB:hmm. i dunno man. i just called her and she is a little lonely tonight. tomorrow AFTERNOON?? she's not going to fuck in the middle of the day douchebag
billycarois: don't u have her number so i can her right away ?
billycarois: call her right away
UB:yeah lemme look
billycarois: ok
UB:Sorry...but I can't disclose a employee's information just like that...it's kinda my personal policy...I'm telling you though, if you want pussy, you'll go tonite...and right now, she doesn't stay up all nite
billycarois: how old is she ?
UB:20
billycarois: how much does she charge ?
UB:t depends, take $20 - the length of your penis in inches
then take that dollar amt and divide by two
billycarois: well thanks alot but it wouldmuch better if it was not for right now maybe tomorrow,.i gotta go to work in just a few minutes so what can i,. please,.help me and charge me if you want to but help me
UB:listen billy, jenny is the finest piece of ass within 100 miles of you
now you came to me asking for pussy, and I am here, trying to deliver 100%...yet you are making this rather difficult
if you don't want to get laid, that's all you
i've tried being civil with you, but you've left me with no choice
Jenny will not be there for you after tonite, in fact, if you don't contact her within 20 minutes, it's all over
now, Mr. Corois, you have a decision to make, a decision of importance
your cock or one night's work
billycarois: well,..thanks a lot but theres not but its all my fault,.what do u mean shes not gonna be there for me after tonight
UB:Listen Mr. Carois...I'm a man of business...much like she is a woman of business
She's there for you now, Mr. Carois
I'm confident that you realize that potential of this situation...she's fuck your throbbing cock dry for a relatively nominal fee...
You're telling me that you are going to give that up to go to your shit job all night long
I cannot keep this window open all day and night for you here, I have a line a mile long waiting to taste the inside of this broad, tell me, in your next message, quit beating around the bush...
Are you on ship or not, Mr. Carois?
billycarois: well,. suppose we didn't meet yet and that we are gonna meet this coming monday,..trust me i'll be ready to do business with her and thanks for your help,. i don't think your gonna let me down,. its been forever since i had a pussy,. and don't worry i got money to pay for it,. i don't go cheap so please lets put this off on monday i will concact u
-Ugly Bastard
[This message has been edited by Ugly Bastard (edited February 17, 2003).]