Best animal EVER

[Mr. Blonde]

Well since the Philippine Tarsier wouldnt stand a chance against either a Triceratops or a Giant blue penis, i'm going to have to choose one of these. What's more manly? A gigantic blue, veiny cock, or a gay dinosaur?

I nominate the Ironic Mustache to be the leader of the Secret Blue Cock group, which will be named at a later date of his choosing. I will be his right hand blue-cocker.

[Orgazmo]

Originally posted by Ironic Mustache:
Does the secret blue cock have any affiliation with SBC the communications company?

Yes, that's actually a funny story...

After I created the Secret Blue Cock, he broke away from me. I thought it was just a stage...you know, like how teenagers rebel against their parents. Turns out I was wrong. After running away, he would randomly call me...but never say anything. All I could hear was him breathing on the other end of the phone (like that bitch would do in Mystic River...I think she got the idea from The Secret Blue Cock). Anyway, I got fed up with this shit so I had a restraining order put on him so he'd stop calling. When he found out about that, he pledged to himself to have a better life than I had...to make me jealous. Long story short: he met up with a few guys in Arizona and, over a cup of coffee, the idea for SBC Communications was birthed. Secret Blue Cock was the ringleader...so, even though they all were going to be the founding fathers, they agreed to name it after him.

[ January 26, 2005, 01:19 PM: Message edited by: Orgazmo ]

[Mr. Blonde]

I believe I rest my case. Triceratops are little bitches.

[Ironic Mustache]

Wow, its really funny how rumors start… The way I heard it, was this:

Shortly after the restraining order, the SBC got depressed and tried to end it all but sitting in a garage with the car running. The Blatantly Obvious Blue Cock happened to go out to look for something and caught the SBC in time to save him. Whilst recovering in the hospital, the SBC became very religious and vowed to find the truth. After researching many religions, he decided to go with the Buddhism. Unable to find a temple in his area, he started the Southern Buddhist Colony. Poor attendance and no financial backing forced the SBC to find a way to make money. The rest, as they say, is history. What every became of the Blatantly Obvious Blue Cock? That story is for another day…

By the way, I accept my nomination.

[Orgazmo]

Yeah, I skipped some of the details. How do you know the SBC so well?

Originally posted by Blonde
I'm jealous of the triceratops, so I'll photoshop a tutu onto one to make myself feel better

That's an interesting picture you have there, Blonde. You probably think it looks like he's wearing some type of ballet garb or something. You're wrong.

In reality, the photographer simply captured the Triceratops as he was getting to sit down for a meal (a meal which probably centered around eating tons of Tyrannosaurus Rexes and rhinos and stuff). It's a commonly known fact that the Triceratops wears a pink bib. Why? Because, in the dinosaur kingdom, the animal that wears the pink bib gets all the pink.

Basically...if you wear a pink bib, you get tons of pussy. By this same token, it's a well known fact that the Secret Blue Cock wears brown bibs whenever he sits down to a meal.

"But the Triceratops is wearing a gay looking tiara or something," you say inquisitively.

Perhaps so...but, again, for good reason. Just as humans sometimes swap rings with their significant other, dinosaurs (especially royalty) swap headgear with their significant other. The tiara that the Triceratops is wearing simply means he's fucking the Princess of the Land. Who is the Princess of the Land? Why, it's Jennifer Walcott, of course:

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

The CAT

Thats right, the most underrated animal of all time. The ordinary domestic Cat. If there was one animal I would choose to be this would be it. The only reason some people hate cats is because they are intimidated by them because they are badass.
To explain my rating system, it is a 1 through 10 scale, an entity with a 10 rating is an entity in the upper 99 percentile of that category. A 1 rating is in the lowest 1 percentile. Every rating in between evenly divides the remaining 98%. For instance, a blue whale would have a 10 size, a cheetah would have a 10 speed. An ant would have a 1 rating in size.

Cat:

Size: 4
Power: 6
Speed: 9
Furocity: 8
Endurance: 5
Stealth: 9.8
Scaryness: 7.5
Cuddlieness: 7
Cuteness: 8
Intelligence: 7.6
Slyness: 8.3
Magic: 7.5

Triceratops:

Size: 10
Power: 10
Speed: 3
Furocity: 7
Endurance: 1.2
Stealth: 1
Scaryness: 8.5
Cuddlieness: 1
Cuteness: 1
Intelligence: 2.2
Slyness: 1
Magic: 2

As you can see the lame-ass prehistoric cow sucks balls compared to a cat.

And just for fun even though it is not an animal
Secret Blue Cock:

Size: 9
Power: 8
Speed: 1
Furocity: 7
Endurance: 9
Stealth: 10
Scaryness: 5.8
Cuddlieness: 8
Cuteness: 1
Intelligence: 4.7
Slyness: 8
Magic: 10

Pile of Poo the size of a Triceratops:

Size: 10
Power: 1
Speed: 1
Furocity: 1
Endurance: 1
Stealth: 1
Scaryness: 10
Cuddlieness: 1
Cuteness: 1
Intelligence: 1
Slyness: 1
Magic: 10

In conclusion:
Cat > Secret Blue Cock > Pile of Poo the size of a triceratops =~ Triceratops

Edit: Changes are in bold.

[ January 26, 2005, 02:08 PM: Message edited by: THEINCREDIBLEdork ]

[Ironic Mustache]

I used to work for the secret blue cock and we became fast friends. I ended up leaving the position as it was putting a strain on our relationship.

[Ironic Mustache]

The intelligence of the secret blue cock is at least an 8.

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

I think youre confusing slyness with intelligence. youre right though intelligence should be higher than 1.

[Ironic Mustache]

He started a very successful company for christ sake...

[Orgazmo]

Yeah, I agree with the mustache on this one...

Outside of that one flaw in your rating system, the rest is actually pretty shitty. First of all, you can't have high cuteness and scaryness. I'd contend that Cuteness + Scaryness = 10 for all animals. Also, the SBC is a lot quicker than you'd think.

[Ironic Mustache]

The blatantly obvious blue cock is 10's across the board.

[Orgazmo]

I disagree. He's a 0 in stealth...you can't argue that.

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

OK, cuteness and scaryness are not mutually exclusive. For instance a triceratops is rated at 7 ferocity, but 99% of the time it lumbers around and eats grass like a worthless piece of shit, its only ferocious when provoked. Its all potential, what is a major theme during holloween? black cats. What is featured in many horror films? A cat jumps out of nowhere and scares the shit out of the main character, so fuck you. Triceratops suck and thats all. Theyre extinct for christsakes.

[ January 26, 2005, 03:57 PM: Message edited by: THEINCREDIBLEdork ]

[Ironic Mustache]

Triceratops suck and thats all. They're extinct for christsakes.

To play the devil's advocate here, the secret blue cock isn't exactly flourishing. Too my knowledge there are only 2 blue cocks total, and no one is supposed to know about one of them.

Originally posted by THEINCREDIBLEdork:
Secret blue cock > Triceratops

[Ironic Mustache]

Nice, another worthy ally.

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

Please do not read if you can't keep a secret:

This is very important to me so let me set the record straight, the SBC has below average intelligence, cocks are not very smart, at least until they level up to 34. They tend to be impulsive and do not think to far ahead in the future about what their actions might cause. But he is definitely the smartest cock alive. He also makes up for this lack of intelligence by being sneaky and sly. I might add a few extra IQ points if he wore a monical:


Also, being slow is not a negative aspect for a cock, since a cock cannot move in terms in which we think of as speed. You don't want a cock that tries to make it to the finish line as fast as it can... if you know what I mean, heh, heh, heh.

Originally posted by Ironic Mustache:
To play the devil's advocate here, the secret blue cock isn't exactly flourishing. Too my knowledge there are only 2 blue cocks total, and no one is supposed to know about one of them.

There is a huge difference between being extinct, and being one of a kind. Think about it this way, how many Tri's have died? all of them. How many SBC's? None, all though there was a close call when SBC had a run in with an axe, but luckily, he got better.

Now if anyone can think of any other category besides size, strength, or queerness in which a triceratops excels at I would be glad to add it to my summary of attributes. Until that time all evidence shows that an SBC is better than a triceratops.

[Mr. Blonde]

Originally posted by Mr. Blonde:

Do I really NEED to reiterate? Just look at his hands!!! Even if all the stuff 'Gaz claims is true (even though we all know it was quite the desperate defense attempt), he has the gayest paw placement ever.

EDIT: And he's DANCING.

[ January 26, 2005, 10:09 PM: Message edited by: Mr. Blonde ]

Originally posted by Orgazmo:

I think it's pretty clear that that's the "I need some Secret Blue Cock" look in her eyes.

[ January 26, 2005, 11:24 PM: Message edited by: DJ FC ]

[Ironic Mustache]

The SBC wearing a monical is arguably the funniest thing in the universe.

[Ironic Mustache]

Originally posted by Orgazmo:
I disagree. He's a 0 in stealth...you can't argue that.

Oh really?

[Ironic Mustache]

That actually made it more sly... Let's try this:

[Mr. Blonde]

EDIT: shit.

BOBC has friends in high places. He has recently acquired a cloaking device.



(It doesn't cloak hair; Blatantly Obvious Blue Cock is going to have to shave.)

[ January 27, 2005, 03:26 PM: Message edited by: Mr. Blonde ]

[Ironic Mustache]

That's not SBC! That's Blatantly Obvious Blue Cock.