Official Nubblies Contest #11: The Aristocrats - Nubblies.net Forums

Orgazmo · 10-24-2005, 08:43 PM

Official Nubblies Contest #11: The Aristocrats will center around the age old joke, "The Aristocrats."

For those of you unaware of what The Aristocrats is all about...I'd love to give you a bit of a lesson. In short, The Aristocrats is a joke that has a set beginning and a set end; however, the joke teller is left to make up the middle part. The purpose of the joke is to shock and offend the listener (or, in this case, reader) as much as possible. The more vile the joke, the better the result.

The joke template is as follows:

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and May fill in with whatever you please...dog/baby/etc. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cutesy."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

In the middle section, the joke teller describes in horrific detail exactly what the act consists of. In most cases, it's something really gross...oftentimes involving shit, piss, cum, and vomit...or a mixture of the 4. The point here is to offend the listener.

After all of this, the joke always ends like this:

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

Here is a rendition of The Aristocrats as performed by Eric Cartman.

In ONC #11: The Aristocrats, the contenders will each submit their own version of The Aristocrats. The submissions will be made directly to me and, after a set amount of time, I will create a poll anonymously posting each submission for all Nubblites to vote upon.

The Rules:

ALL SUBMISSIONS MUST BE MADE VIA PRIVATE MESSAGE!

DO NOT post your submission within this thread. Doing so will be an automatic disqualification for you. Instead, PM me with your submission.

Your submission may be as long as you please...but remember, you're trying to please the average Nubblite. The average Nubblite probably doesn't have the patience to read through a 3 page long rendition of the joke.

Your submission must consist of text and text only. Nothing else (including pictures) will be allowed.

Your submission may not give away your identity. If I feel that it does, I'll ask you to make a different submission.

I may add more rules later if anything else comes to mind.

All submissions must be in my PM inbox by 11:59 PM on Sunday, October 30.

Go be offensive.

<font size="1">Partial credit for this idea goes to f3lix</font>

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 10-25-2005, 01:15 AM

i'm going to win

ProfessorNumber · 10-25-2005, 01:20 AM

What is the origin of said joke? And... I really don't understand the punchline.

Ugly Bastard · 10-25-2005, 01:29 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ProfessorNumber:
And... I really don't understand the punchline.

Thats the joke.

-UB

SittinOnDubsWGW · 10-25-2005, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ProfessorNumber:
What is the origin of said joke? And... I really don't understand the punchline.

It's a running joke amongst stand up comedians, and there has been a film released over the summer called "The Aristocrats" which shows how many different comedians go about telling the IIRC "the most offensive joke ever," each comedian tries to do it better than the last one etc...

I've wanted to see the film, I'm assuming it will probably be on DVD by Christmas. Gilbert Godfried is supposed to have done it the best, in NYC shortly after 9/11.

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 10-25-2005, 12:17 PM

I tried downloading it last night. To my disappointment I ended up with the disney cartoon.

SittinOnDubsWGW · 10-25-2005, 01:01 PM

^^^
haahahaha, thats classic.

Did you at least watch the AristoCATS?

Ironic Mustache · 10-25-2005, 01:17 PM

I'm really not good at writing comedy. If it doesn't come to me in the first 20 seconds, then it probably wont.

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 10-25-2005, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SittinOnDubsWGW:
^^^
haahahaha, thats classic.

Did you at least watch the AristoCATS?

I'm going to tonight.

SittinOnDubsWGW · 10-25-2005, 04:43 PM

Tell me how that goes.

Repugnant Abomination · 10-25-2005, 04:46 PM

[ October 25, 2005, 02:58 PM: Message edited by: Repugnant Abomination ]

Lucy Fur · 10-25-2005, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ironic Mustache:
I'm really not good at writing comedy. If it doesn't come to me in the first 20 seconds, then it probably wont.

it is because you have a short attention span

Ironic Mustache · 10-25-2005, 05:03 PM

That could have something to do with it.

Ironic Mustache · 10-25-2005, 05:13 PM

I just submitted a disaster of an entry.

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 10-25-2005, 06:00 PM

Someone isn't hungry enough for a golden N.

Orgazmo · 10-31-2005, 07:03 PM

Contest deadline extended one week to 11:59 PM on Sunday, November 6.

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 10-31-2005, 07:54 PM

Soo... basically I PMed it to you on fake nubblies last night. Does that mean I'm screwed if I didn't save my original work?

Orgazmo · 10-31-2005, 08:02 PM

I'm afraid so...

Orgazmo · 11-04-2005, 09:50 PM

Contest will not end with the number of entries that I currently have. I'll be adding a week to the dealine until I have a sufficient amount. I'm not telling you what a sufficient amount is...nor am I telling you how many I have thus far. Just submit.

Ironic Mustache · 11-04-2005, 09:58 PM

Oh jesus christ, I just want to see read what the winner was.

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 11-04-2005, 10:28 PM

chill out dude, we still have 2 days to turn it in. don't extend it again or i will kill shroeder.

Ironic Mustache · 11-04-2005, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by THEINCREDIBLEdork:
don't extend it again or i will kill shroeder.

Fucking christ now we're never going to see the results.

Orgazmo · 11-05-2005, 07:01 PM

I currently don't have enough submissions to end the contest. Unless more come in the next 32 hours, I'll have to extend again.

Lucy Fur · 11-05-2005, 07:04 PM

i have no imagination when it comes to funny things. sorry. asked about inventive ways to torture or maim and i will come up with a ton, but pretty much stumped with this

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 11-05-2005, 08:42 PM

put torture in your "act", you fool

10-25-2005, 01:15 AM	#2 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,350 Internets: 290966	i'm going to win
	#YOLO

10-25-2005, 01:20 AM	#3 (permalink)
ProfessorNumber Senior Member Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 1,215 Internets: 3373	What is the origin of said joke? And... I really don't understand the punchline.
	Smoke a cigarette and lie some more -- These conversations kill.

10-25-2005, 12:17 PM	#6 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,350 Internets: 290966	I tried downloading it last night. To my disappointment I ended up with the disney cartoon.
	#YOLO

10-25-2005, 01:17 PM	#8 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	I'm really not good at writing comedy. If it doesn't come to me in the first 20 seconds, then it probably wont.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

10-25-2005, 05:03 PM	#13 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	That could have something to do with it.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

10-24-2005, 08:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,725 Internets: 311447	Official Nubblies Contest #11: The Aristocrats will center around the age old joke, "The Aristocrats." For those of you unaware of what The Aristocrats is all about...I'd love to give you a bit of a lesson. In short, The Aristocrats is a joke that has a set beginning and a set end; however, the joke teller is left to make up the middle part. The purpose of the joke is to shock and offend the listener (or, in this case, reader) as much as possible. The more vile the joke, the better the result. The joke template is as follows: A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and May fill in with whatever you please...dog/baby/etc. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cutesy." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." In the middle section, the joke teller describes in horrific detail exactly what the act consists of. In most cases, it's something really gross...oftentimes involving shit, piss, cum, and vomit...or a mixture of the 4. The point here is to offend the listener. After all of this, the joke always ends like this: For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!" Here is a rendition of The Aristocrats as performed by Eric Cartman. In ONC #11: The Aristocrats, the contenders will each submit their own version of The Aristocrats. The submissions will be made directly to me and, after a set amount of time, I will create a poll anonymously posting each submission for all Nubblites to vote upon. The Rules: ALL SUBMISSIONS MUST BE MADE VIA PRIVATE MESSAGE! DO NOT post your submission within this thread. Doing so will be an automatic disqualification for you. Instead, PM me with your submission. Your submission may be as long as you please...but remember, you're trying to please the average Nubblite. The average Nubblite probably doesn't have the patience to read through a 3 page long rendition of the joke. Your submission must consist of text and text only. Nothing else (including pictures) will be allowed. Your submission may not give away your identity. If I feel that it does, I'll ask you to make a different submission. I may add more rules later if anything else comes to mind. All submissions must be in my PM inbox by 11:59 PM on Sunday, October 30. Go be offensive. <font size="1">Partial credit for this idea goes to f3lix</font>

10-25-2005, 01:01 PM	#7 (permalink)
SittinOnDubsWGW I make bad decisions. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: The Desert Posts: 3,018 Internets: 108015	^^^ haahahaha, thats classic. Did you at least watch the AristoCATS?

10-25-2005, 04:43 PM	#10 (permalink)
SittinOnDubsWGW I make bad decisions. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: The Desert Posts: 3,018 Internets: 108015	Tell me how that goes.

10-25-2005, 04:46 PM	#11 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	[ October 25, 2005, 02:58 PM: Message edited by: Repugnant Abomination ]

10-25-2005, 05:13 PM	#14 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	I just submitted a disaster of an entry.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

10-25-2005, 06:00 PM	#15 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,350 Internets: 290966	Someone isn't hungry enough for a golden N.
	#YOLO

10-31-2005, 07:03 PM	#16 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,725 Internets: 311447	Contest deadline extended one week to 11:59 PM on Sunday, November 6.

10-31-2005, 07:54 PM	#17 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,350 Internets: 290966	Soo... basically I PMed it to you on fake nubblies last night. Does that mean I'm screwed if I didn't save my original work?
	#YOLO

10-31-2005, 08:02 PM	#18 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,725 Internets: 311447	I'm afraid so...

11-04-2005, 09:50 PM	#19 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,725 Internets: 311447	Contest will not end with the number of entries that I currently have. I'll be adding a week to the dealine until I have a sufficient amount. I'm not telling you what a sufficient amount is...nor am I telling you how many I have thus far. Just submit.

11-04-2005, 09:58 PM	#20 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	Oh jesus christ, I just want to see read what the winner was.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

11-04-2005, 10:28 PM	#21 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,350 Internets: 290966	chill out dude, we still have 2 days to turn it in. don't extend it again or i will kill shroeder.
	#YOLO

11-05-2005, 07:01 PM	#23 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,725 Internets: 311447	I currently don't have enough submissions to end the contest. Unless more come in the next 32 hours, I'll have to extend again.

11-05-2005, 07:04 PM	#24 (permalink)
Lucy Fur Empress Magnificent Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Florida Posts: 825 Internets: 349	i have no imagination when it comes to funny things. sorry. asked about inventive ways to torture or maim and i will come up with a ton, but pretty much stumped with this
	I am chaos. It is my destiny to destroy.

11-05-2005, 08:42 PM	#25 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,350 Internets: 290966	put torture in your "act", you fool
	#YOLO