Pretty much it went down as follows:
Ever since I was about 12, my entire group of friends wanted to make the fuck with one of my friend’s mom. We of course were all too chicken shit to do anything, until we turned 16-17. That’s when the little comments and mild flirtations started. She didn’t seem to mind what she assumed was innocent enough, and even would play back sometimes, but always keeping things in check. Around the time I turned 20, my friend joined the army. She threw him a going away party that was fucking CRAZY. There was a DJ, a local underground rapper, a stripper, 3 kegs, and like 50 people. It was fantastic and we all got fucking SMASHED. Ironic Mustache was notably drunker than most. As luck would have it, there was a meteor shower that night so about 10 of us (including my friend’s mom) went to the front yard on a blanket and watched it. I leaned against the MILF for stability. I think I was so incredibly drunk that I either forgot she was my friend’s mom or just no longer cared, as I drunkenly and clumsily began to try to grope he boobs. She slapped my hand away. Not one to back down after such a minor setback, Ironic Mustache tries again. This time fairly successfully. After another 5 minutes or so, we all go back inside and pass out. No luck on this occasion and I then lost complete contact with her.
Fast forward 4 years later, my friend comes back in on leave and stays with his mom. I go to visit him, and end up spending a great deal of time at the house. We were drinking so much that I was never able to drive home and stayed on the couch in the living room. One drunken night, I told my friend that I was going to go sleep with his mom in her bed because the couch sucked. He laughed and said, “I dare you. She’ll fucking murder you.”
Wrong move asshole. I proceeded to his mom’s closed door and opened it up.
“What time is it, what do you want?”
I then said nothing, shut the door, and got in bed.
“What are you doing in here?????”
“Sleeping. Go to bed.”
She then decided it would be easier to just go to sleep than argue, so that’s what she did. I wasn’t through with her yet, no sir. The groping began.
“Move that hand or you’ll lose it.”
“It’ll be worth it.”
She slapped my hand away at that point, so I just went to sleep (passed out). The next night, I decided to try my luck again. This time, successfully. I guess I never realized how close I was, I just needed to be more aggressive. I full out fucked the lining out of my friend’s mom. Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. She pretty much broke me off. The old broad could fuck, I’ll give her that much. I continued to root her up on a consistent basis long after my friend went back to the army. She even paid for me to go Puerto Vallarta for 5 days with her and her friends.
Several months later, I was house sitting for her (also car sitting). I decided to have some people over for a plethora of tequila shots. <span class="glowbear" style="color: #ffffff; font-weight: bold; position:relative;width:100%;filter:glow(Color=000 000,Strength=4)">I of course, didn’t do any. After we had played that out, we decided to head somewhere else. I took the Mercedes. At some point on the way home, someone said “I bet this thing can’t do 140.” I decided to test his theory. We will never know because somewhere around 100 I hit a median and destroyed the undercarriage of the car.
To make a long story not quite as long, we’ve since become enemies and hate each other. I got her a rental on my expense to try and compensate for some of the damage and inconvenience (her car was completely covered by insurance). She kept the car for 3 months (amassing a sum of over $4,000 on my credit card) before wrecking the care, probably on purpose. I took the car back from her without her knowing, and returned it the rental company. She then threatened me in every way possible, but to no avail. I haven’t heard anything about this in months, but I’m still paying off my card. And that, my friends, is my MILF story.
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