The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated
pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty
Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how
much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with
turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked
schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a roll
model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane
Dough, plus they had a bun in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
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