I like to welcome you all to Boonville. This is my hometown and I will present to you The Boonville News.
This week so far has been a very uneventful week, other than a few occurrences.
Thursday night a group of skinheads met up at the local quickie mart (which has only opened two days ago) with trash cans full of shit the locals have been contributing to for the last few weeks and proceeded to smear it on the walls, the merchandise and the towel head owners. The owner Abdul Hamed Osama something or other quickly dialed 911, by the time the only cop in the town(father of the skinhead's ambassador Bobby James) showed up the perpetrators had fled the scene and left no evidence other than their faces on the security camera's video tape that officer Wellington quickly confiscated and destroyed.
Well thats it for now, Im off to Easy Street for a few pints of Bud and maybe some more news from Boonville if my girlfriend catches me banging her mother tonight. So until next time, fuck off!
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