Todays edition of the Boonville News
Well folks its been quite an uneventful day here in Boonville. The only news I have came in this morning from an unknown source, I received a note on my Lawn Boy that stated:
I am tired of you people walking all over me and treating me with great disrespect, therefor I will stop at nothing to make sure you all die. I will rape all of the goats in this town until they can no longer feel the excruciating pain in their anal cavity and die a painful death, I will skull fuck all of your pigs until their meat is doused with the impurities of my man juice in which your children will feed on. I will cut the teats off of all of your cows and poison your livestock and stop at nothing until this shit hole of a town is ruined!!!
The note was not signed but telling from the name on the letterhead it came from Farmer Dan. I have turned this over to the proper authority (Officer Wellington) for further analysis.
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