My bad...
Welcome to the Boonville News, this weeks top storys after this brief advertisement........
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And back to the news..........................
Boonville has been quite interesting the last few days, Friday night a bar room brawl broke out but it did not happen at a bar.
It was around 8:30 Friday night, all was well at the Boonville Baptist Church until a couple of drunken pigwhaled whores decided to show up for bingo night. The two women known as "Black & Blue" (why they call themselves that is beyond me) aka Martha & Gretchen walked into the church after a two day coke binge, broke, strung out and armed with a box cutter and a hatchet. They demanded everyone hand over all their money or the room will become a bloody masacare. One woman resisted and had eight of her fingers choped square off her hands (I saw her later that night and lets just say shes not giving any hand jobs any time soon) these mongrols had no heart what so ever, after doing this to the poor woman they took a camera out of her purse and made her pose with them giving the thumbs up. After seeing this the others willingly gave up their money and personal belongings.
The police were called and guess who shows up? If you said Officer Wellington give yourself one point, then stick that point up your ass and be thankfull I gave it to you. Anyway, he was pissed, the woman who had her fingers severed from her hands was his wife. He went ape shit, started mumbling something about a war said a prayer at the alter and left, didn't even call for an ambulance. Shit might get crazy if he finds those bitches.
Saturday night Boonville hosted the Second Annual Boonville Olympics, where they had every competition from Speederbating (where I myself Came in second) to the Drunken Whiskey Toss. There was a few fights that night but nothing to write home about, the best thing I seen there was Elvis the whiskey drinking monkey (the little bastard beat me in Speederbating). He was the fucking man there, he went up to just about every girl there and rubbed his boner on them, he even pulled down a few tops and the chicks loved it. They dressed him up as Elvis and gave him a little guitar it was pretty fucking funny.
Well thats all for now, I hope you have all enjoyed this edition of the Boonville news and if not I could care less. Until next time fuck off.
[ May 18, 2005, 11:15 AM: Message edited by: malice ]
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