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Orgazmo · 02-03-2005, 10:48 PM

I found this to be hilarious...but maybe I'm a little off.

Firstly, Patrick Goldstein, a writer for the LA Times, wrote an article entitled "Oscar-caliber films not made in studios anymore." If you'd like to read it, you can find it here.

If you'd like to spare a few minutes, you simply need to know that he talks about how Hollywood Studios lately seem to be making films based 100% on shitty entertainment...and 0% on the movie being an Oscar Nominee. To illustrate his point, he picks heavily on the Deuce Bigalow sequel and it's star, the "Third-Rate Comic" Rob Schneider.

In response to the article, Rob wrote this letter:

Dear Patrick Goldstein, Staff Writer for the Los Angeles Times,

My name is Rob Schneider and I am responding to your January 26 front page cover story in the LA Times, where you used my upcoming sequel to "Deuce Bigelow" as an example of why Hollywood Studios are lagging behind the Independants in Academy Nominations. According to your logic, Hollywood Studios are too busy making sequels like "Deuce Bigelow" instead of making movies that you would like to see. Well, Mr. Goldstein, as far as your snide comments about me and my film not being nominated for an Academy Award, I decided to do some research to find out what awards you have won.

I went online and found that you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind. Disapppointed, I went to the Pulitzer Prize database of past winners and nominees. I thought, surely, there must be an omission. I typed in the name Patrick Goldtein and again, zippo - nada. No Pulitzer Prizes or nominations for a "Mr. Patrick Goldstein." There was, however, a nomination for an Amy Goldstein. I contacted Ms. Goldstein in Rhode Island, she assured me she was not an alias of yours, and in fact like most of the World had no idea of your existence.

Frankly, I am surprised the LA Times would hire someone like you with so few or, actually, no accolades to work on their front page. Surely there must be a larger talent pool for the LA Times to draw from. Perhaps, someone who has at least won a "Cable Ace Award."

Maybe, Mr. Goldstein, you didn't win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven't invented a category for "Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter, Who's Never Been Acknowledged By His Peers!"

Patrick, I can honestly say that if I sat down with your colleagues at a luncheon, afterwards, they'd say, "You know, that Rob Schneider is a pretty intelligent guy, I hope we can do that again." Whereas, if you sat with my colleagues, after lunch, you would just be beaten beyond recognition.

For the record, Patrick, your research is shabby as well. My next film is not "Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo 2." It's "Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo," in theaters EVERYWHERE August 12th, 2005.

All my best,
Rob Schneider

[ February 03, 2005, 07:49 PM: Message edited by: Orgazmo ]

02-03-2005, 10:48 PM	#1 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,733 Internets: 311447	I found this to be hilarious...but maybe I'm a little off. Firstly, Patrick Goldstein, a writer for the LA Times, wrote an article entitled "Oscar-caliber films not made in studios anymore." If you'd like to read it, you can find it here. If you'd like to spare a few minutes, you simply need to know that he talks about how Hollywood Studios lately seem to be making films based 100% on shitty entertainment...and 0% on the movie being an Oscar Nominee. To illustrate his point, he picks heavily on the Deuce Bigalow sequel and it's star, the "Third-Rate Comic" Rob Schneider. In response to the article, Rob wrote this letter: Dear Patrick Goldstein, Staff Writer for the Los Angeles Times, My name is Rob Schneider and I am responding to your January 26 front page cover story in the LA Times, where you used my upcoming sequel to "Deuce Bigelow" as an example of why Hollywood Studios are lagging behind the Independants in Academy Nominations. According to your logic, Hollywood Studios are too busy making sequels like "Deuce Bigelow" instead of making movies that you would like to see. Well, Mr. Goldstein, as far as your snide comments about me and my film not being nominated for an Academy Award, I decided to do some research to find out what awards you have won. I went online and found that you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind. Disapppointed, I went to the Pulitzer Prize database of past winners and nominees. I thought, surely, there must be an omission. I typed in the name Patrick Goldtein and again, zippo - nada. No Pulitzer Prizes or nominations for a "Mr. Patrick Goldstein." There was, however, a nomination for an Amy Goldstein. I contacted Ms. Goldstein in Rhode Island, she assured me she was not an alias of yours, and in fact like most of the World had no idea of your existence. Frankly, I am surprised the LA Times would hire someone like you with so few or, actually, no accolades to work on their front page. Surely there must be a larger talent pool for the LA Times to draw from. Perhaps, someone who has at least won a "Cable Ace Award." Maybe, Mr. Goldstein, you didn't win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven't invented a category for "Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter, Who's Never Been Acknowledged By His Peers!" Patrick, I can honestly say that if I sat down with your colleagues at a luncheon, afterwards, they'd say, "You know, that Rob Schneider is a pretty intelligent guy, I hope we can do that again." Whereas, if you sat with my colleagues, after lunch, you would just be beaten beyond recognition. For the record, Patrick, your research is shabby as well. My next film is not "Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo 2." It's "Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo," in theaters EVERYWHERE August 12th, 2005. All my best, Rob Schneider [ February 03, 2005, 07:49 PM: Message edited by: Orgazmo ]