How long has it been? Three years? Four? And you still can't let it go. I know, there's something precious that you're trying to hold on to. But, when is it too much? People all around you are knocking to get in. And there you are locked away inside your precious gem that you're so afraid will shatter, that you let no one in at all. Sure, you can bandy words with the best and still even entertain but, putting yourself on the line? Being your old gregarious social butterfly self is just still beyond you isn't it? It's just not good enough. What is this precious gem you're holding on to for anyway? Or rather who is it for? What's the use in building up a way to communicate this radiant brilliance if you've completely lost touch with people? And even now, you're not being direct. Sinking in too much thought on how to make it all sound pretty rather than really dealing with the issue at hand.
What can you say about shutting people out when they reach out a hand? It's automatic, you know that. You're not even in control. Isn't that 'Sick'? You can't take it back after it's been done. 'Eddie' still pours thickly over your leadened heart. I just don't know how much faith I have in you anymore. If you plan on ever pulling yourself out of this protective rut you've dug, you can't afford to automatically reject any hand of friendship offered out. It's okay to protect your dreams and ambitions but you must make a conscious choice. Fear is the little death and you're surrounded by death as surely as a sole survivor in a uncovered mass grave. My question to you tonight is: What will you do to harmonize your fear? Something must be done. You can't escape in your work any longer. I won't let you. I won't battle for control. We both know that's not the answer. But, I won't remain dormant forever either. Your social self 'walks upon that social thread' without out the fear of social dread. I'm wilting. You don't realize it yet. Not really. You won't let yourself see. But I too crave to BE. I crave the spotlight. The center crowd. I am that which transcends ego boundries. That which knows unity in emotion and logic. I am fruitless and cripple. In your time gathering resource and creating affluence, I am dying. Do not come back for me too late.
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