Everyone I know has a different personality lurking somewhere in the depths of their souls that is often the antithesis of the person they purport to be during normal interaction with other members of the same species. This particular personality is one that can only be awakened and brought to the surface by the peculiar effects of the consumption of varying levels of fine spirits.
I believe that these personalities can be defined in six distinct classifications:
The Lover
The Lover just wants to hug everybody. Get a few drinks in him, and he'll never fucking let go. Also known as the Rib Crusher.
The Fighter
This jackass gets liquored up and decides he wants to get rowdy. Anyone's a target, and yet the fucker thinks it's the funniest thing in the world. A normal night ends with police involvement.
The Philosopher
Alcohol becomes the answer to every unanswered question in the universe. You'll be spending hour after inebriated hour discussing the finer points of the origin of life on earth, why communism should work, and how if everyone just believed, then the world would be a better place.
The Slut
This one's pretty simple: drunk = horny = sex with just about anyone or sadly, anything.
The Pseudo-Sober
"Dude, I can drive better when I'm drunk than I can when I'm sober."
The Partier
It's suddenly 1969, and this drunk is ready to pah-TAY!!! The clothes come off, the dancing is furious, the sweat is profuse and the stench is repulsive, but DUDE, it's time to pah-TAY!!! WOO HOO!!! (Think Will Farrell in "Old School.")
Personally, I'm a philosopher. I'll talk to people for hours who can't hear a thing I'm saying over the live band that I've forgotten about. It's sad. I often wonder if I ever really say anything profound, because everything seems profound when I'm lit.
So, which drunk are you?
(I decided to give it a shot.)
[ November 07, 2003, 01:48 AM: Message edited by: Tig 'ol Bitties ]
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