[Repugnant Abomination]

Last night I had the most fucked up experience of my life. I know we all may claim that several times in our lives, but honestly, this is going to be difficult to top.

You're all aware of my mom's situation by now. Well, the other day a bunch of family flew in from Texas to visit her, since they're convinced she's going to die soon. 2 uncles, 3 aunts and 1 grandpa, so it's a pretty big party. Things are going fine for a day, but there are hushed whispers about how thin she is, and a general feeling of unease in the air.

Fast forward to the next day - my sister is coming up from her bible "college" with 5 friends. They have announced to all that they are going to cure my mom's cancer - that's right, through the power of Jesus, they are going to cast the cancer out of her body. I promptly make a 10 dollar bet with my sister that they will fail.

So here I am, with as far as I'm concerned, religious lunatics in my house. They're all about 20 or so, and have very radical ideas. For example, at this "college" my sister is going to she is learning how to cast our demons. In fact, they believe that the cancer in my mom is an actual demon. It's like I'm living in the fucking twilight zone. Anyway, I have all these assholes floating around my house earning kudos with my family, who of course think I'm a troubled boy. Despite this I launch a counter offensive, challenging any faith based poppycock arguments they have. It was a tense day.

Later that night I hear a tap-tap-tapping on my door. I open it up and it's who I can only describe as the leader of this little group. He had been trying to engage my all night in conversation, appealing to my sensibility and trying to find common ground. I of course told him to fuck off, more or less. So he asks me if he can come in, and figuring it was time for a show down between good and evil (you decide who is which) I let him in...

...What follows is a 45 minute debate. I belittle him, mock his beliefs, tell him to PROVE it, scoff at his believing the world is only a couple thousand years old, rub scientific facts in his face, and call him a dangerous religious zealot who's helped enable and brainwash my sister. Likewise, he tells me I'm hopeless without faith, that we're not here by accident, and I need to soften my heart. Predictably we don't get anywhere. Finally, he asks me to come and "be there" while they pray over my mom. Initially I told him no, that they're making a mockery of her disease, but eventually I gave in. What's 5 minutes of standing there? What sold me is that he said my mom wanted me to.

So in I walk into my parents dimly lit room, where all of my visiting family members are, along with my sister, brother, step dad aaaaand Gina's visiting friends, so that's like 13 people, a freaking audience.

Under the assumption that I'm just going to sit in the back and watch, I quickly realize I've been deceived: they want me to go and hold my mother as they pray for her. But it doesn't stop there, oh no, it gets worse. First they want me to pray for her. Me specifically - out loud. It was straight out of Ben stiller movie...I wanted to run away, but with everyone watching me I had no choice:

"Oh..Dear..God.." was how I began. Literally. It was so awkward. I finished quickly, and was then told by that conniving, manipulative douche I had earlier pwn3d in a battle of wits, to sit and hold my mother. This is where shit got really fucked up. Out of nowhere she starts crying hysterically and screaming up at me to accept Jesus, why can't I accept Jesus? Where did she go wrong as a mother, how can I not believe? Keep in mind that my entire fucking family who I barely even know is watching this. She's screaming and crying, asking me why I hate her, and douche bag behind me is telling me to forgive her. Christ! You're forgiven! There was never anything to even forgive! You've been a great mom! My sister, meanwhile, is holding my mom's hand, sobbing and speaking in tongue.

It began to dwell on me that this whole thing was orchestrated from the very beginning, that their goal was to get me in that room and put on a whole fucking show. I can hear people crying and sniffling behind me, some praying, others dabbing their eyes with a Kleenex.

It gets even worse, friends...

Next, apparently my sister "had a vision" of me holding my mom in my arms, while standing up, begging God to save her. So now I'm being urged to pick her up while they pray. So I do, I'm fucking holding her while she's sobbing in my arms, and the church group is quick to encircle us. They're praying, and screaming for the devil to come out of her.

Let me just pause for a second to reiterate that this happened last night, and is 100% real and accurate as to what happened.

After I set her back down they tell me to place my hand on her stomach, where I feel her huge tumor, hard and awkward against my hand. It was horrible, and the first time I actually felt the damn thing. Anyway, they all holds their hands out and begin chanting, some speaking in tongue, and my mom is screaming, rebuking the evil spirit inside of her and casting it back to hell. The whole time, this whole fucking time (which lasted almost an hour by the way) I'm thinking how fucked up this how, how so, so very fucked up it is.

Not much happened after that. Obviously the tumor didn't go away, but instead of rub it in their faces I just got the fuck out of that room as quickly as possible. It was like a fucking nightmare, and I've never been more weirded out in my life. I felt like I was the only sane person within a thousand miles and the world had turned on me. I didn't come out of my room the entire night, and this morning when I went to work I didn't say hi to anyone, I just slipped out the door.

This was the kind of thing that seriously damages a person's psyche. Luckily I'm strong enough to know the whole thing was bullshit, but it still has created a gulf between my family an I, and even deeper one than before.

I've never felt like an outsider in my own house more than now. I don't even know how I can look at them after that spectacle.