Originally Posted by Mr. Blonde
I say it all the time and I suppose I will repeat myself here to establish my current position; I don't see myself as "broken" at all, despite what the brainwashed masses may think, i see myself as lucid. Granted, my experiences with women I have sincerely cared for have been...less than fortuitous, but after a long time I now see myself as the better off because of it. And as cliche as that may sound to the untrained eye, I mean it completely different than those belonging to that cliche do.
People who end up saying "i'm better off", for the most part, use it as a defense mechanism by psychologically cast away "what could have been" and intentionally blind themselves from that experience, and in a fit of foolish optimism (not that all optimism is foolish, but in this case I wholeheartedly believe it is.) go on to search once more for the same thing that failed with the person before.
This is where my twist comes in. Instead of thinking something is wrong with the person that individual had previously chosen, why is it that no one stops to think that it might be the goal?. Of course the person is flawed, we're all fucking flawed. We're selfish beings by nature, and self preservation and propagation (aka, fucking) are still much more deeply ingrained in our genes being monogamous. We're all mindless selfish fucking machines at the very core of us. That's fine. (although women could control it a BIT better.) The PROBLEM is with the actual social institution of love, emotions, flowers and candies and dates and "the one". I choose the word "social" very carefully, because over thousand and thousands of years, society has formed a faction of human instincts and biological reactions into a magical binding process of two souls, something that, when you think about it, makes no more sense than Monsters, Aliens, even (...gasp) RELIGION!
That's it, or all I really want to elaborate on now, but i'm sure more will come to me later. It's 2 in the morning here and i have to get up for work early, plus I just saw Iron Man which is totally badass so my mind is all flustered from that smorgasboard of complete fucking awesomeness.
Basically, i'm done. And think what you will, as i'm sure you optimists and believers out there will, but it's not because i'm bitter, or lovescorned, or any other term you'd like to name it. It's expected by the (very few i'm finding unfortunately) likes of me by the likes of you. Have fun getting married in your twenties, getting that career job, settling down and having kids with a mortgage and nice backyard without ever stopping to ask yourself why you're even fucking do it, or for that matter if you even WANT to besides its just what "everybody does".
My analogy that I use is that I feel as if i've taken the red pill from The Matrix. It's a pretty tough fucking experience once the process as started, to the point of feeling like you're almost losing your mind, but if you make it through it, you see the world entirely differently. Nobody in the "real world", or very few will understand your point of view at all, least of all take you seriously, and that's something that i'm just going to have to live with. At least my eyes are opened, and my life is no longer on auto-pilot.
Think about it...if I leave a significant other and eventually kids out of the equation, at least for now and probably a long time....what responsibilities do I have? At ALL? I can do whatever the fuck I want with my life, for as long as I please, without having to answer to anybody, ever. It's pretty fucking amazing, I can tell you that. And despite how resolute I am to this, because of how we are brought up in this world, I still struggle with it on a daily basis. I worry. I worry that I'll never find anybody, even though I just wrote that I don't want to. I worry about my future financial security, even though I can get by just fine on a minimum budget. The only reason I would really NEED a lot of money in my eyes, besides all the fun toys, would be because it's expected of me, to uphold the lifestyle of a man in a relationship, a married man, or a man with kids, and the list goes on and on. I find myself wanting to seriously date someone, only finding that with my somehow biblical bad luck in girls that my views are constantly reinforced. It may suck right away, but I thank whatever afterwards because it's keeping me in check from my archaic ways...
My point is, if you make sure that you don't have anybody to answer to ever, then you don't HAVE to ever do anything but what YOU want to do. That might not make sense to some, but just ask yourself how many things in your life you actually NEED/want to have/do, that would be eliminated if you weren't trying to conform to society, or appeal to the opposite sex. Why do you have such a nice car? You don't need it. Why do you worry about where you live, what kind of house you have, what kind of job you have, and how much you're bringing in? WHY...I mean I don't need a 50 inch plasma right now. Maybe someday i'll get one, but it just seems like a waste of money. I'm not going to work some job I hate, or even something i don't love, with a great salary just so I can own things if I don't have anybody to impress/show off to/ but myself.
I'm not denying that it's a self-defense mechanism of my own. But so far as I look back in life, emotions have not gotten me very far with anything, ever. The only real worthwhile thing it has gotten me is a few relationships that were really good for a while, and when they ended, the negative emotional backlash was 10x worse than the good emotional feeling I had during. That's not a very good compromise in my eyes. I don't want that ever again, so I won't, at least for now. So I keep myself pretty highly medicated, and it works out pretty well for me. I have time to read, work, socialize, travel, not be stressed out about what someone else thinks or why this person or that person is mad at me or happy with me, not having to deal with the internal AND external drama of being in a relationship (my friend becky blah blah blah blah blah...for HOURS), oh, and pry the best part, fuck someone new pretty much whenever I want to lay down the dedication to do it, which is few and far between because of how useless I truly regard most women. Odds are, if I can sleep with a girl and I know it, I don't even pursue it to that point because it usually ends up being more trouble to deal with afterwards when I know I won't want anything to do with them anymore, when I could just as easily jack off and take care of business and thank the lord I didn't have to deal with getting some dumb bitch out of my house and to stop wanting to hang out with me, then having to hurt her feelings and her being pissed at me even though I told the bitch from the very beginning that I didn't want a goddamn relationship, and because she's a silly girl who doesn't listen she sleeps with me anyways (of course i'm going to try to convince her to sleep with me even after saying that...what did i already say about us all being selfish mindless fucking machines?) thinking that she'll be the one to change me, which I don't even think would honestly be the case with a supermodel. I'm no slouch with my selection as it is, if I do say so myself. Anyways, and all those other things that I wouldn't be able to do, at least not much, if I was in a relationship with someone.
I realize that was all very jumbled and scattered, but please, i'd love to hear any input on my theory.
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