This one time, when I went to the zoo with my girlfriend was quite awkward. We had just finished watching the otters mull about in their enclosure, and decided to go into the reptile house. It was a dimly lit building with a bunch of glass boxes in the walls with various snakes and lizards roaming around as if it were night. So anyway, no-one gave a shit about reptiles back then, so the building was entirely empty. A perfect environment for sexual shenanigans.
We were a tad tentative about it, and a bit twitchy because we were inexperienced, and were overwhelmed by the rush of the public display of affection. I started to roam with the hands, and started fondling her nipples. They were soft like mushroom stools with their heads knocked off on a soft forest undergrowth. I started getting into it, and she began to sweat. She was almost paralysed by ecstasy. I figured now was the perfect opportunity to fondle down into her panties and divulge her inner secrets. I slid my hand down past her belly button, and onto her penis. Instantly I screamed and yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU'RE A GUY?!". Before she could respond, she fell to the floor. I dropped down to see if she... he was okay. I suddenly felt a brush of movement against my leg, and looked over to realise that she WASN'T a boy, but a snake had actually snaked up her leg, and bit her clitoris.
I fumbled through my pockets, and pulled out my mobile phone, and called 911 and alerted them of the incident (not of the fondling, but just of the snake bite, lol). Within a few minutes the zoo's on-site doctors were on the scene. They quickly smothered her body with activity, checking her pulse and other vitals. I was getting pretty nervous, so one of the doctors tried to get me to calm down by asking some questions. He asked, "So you are her boyfriend right?", and I muttered out, "Y-yeah.. yeah I am", and he quickly shot off his next question, "What is her name?". I replied, "Sally... it's sally". A female doctor who was attending my girlfriend's vag then retorted, "wait, I'm just looking at her ID here, and it says her name is Sarah Schultz!". I was all like, "oh yeah, lol, sorry, my bad." I felt like such a loser! I embarrased myself in front of a girl! That was SOOOOO AWKWARD!!!!
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