Sorry for the wait.
So here it is folks, the Ironic Mustache package opening:
So I noticed packaging problems from the get. Not at all indicative of a bad present, but for sure indicative of the poor planning and utter fucking garbage that will come into play later when I get framed by bullshit……..
I was pleasantly surprised, however, by this:
NSFW
And it gets better from here… A sweet mermaid tattoo, which at first glance looks like a fat mermaid, but is actually just a mirage and is a normal mermaid with weird hair.
Not sure what the fuck this is for, but I promise to find some awesome use for it. It has a voice sensor and I think it's for giving epileptic kids seizures. It might just be a flashing light of some kind with no batteries but we'll find out later its true usage. Anything with a voice sensor has potential.
Moving on… Next, the card. You’ll notice it is meant for a black son. It is not at all lost on me that there is an entire demographic for Christmas cards for black fathers who are not present for their son’s holiday celebrations. There's probably a whole section for this niche.
Here is the booty almost in its entirety:
Wait, did I mention there were individually wrapped gifts as well? Well there are, and here they are:
This is labeled in the card as the leg from a championship cock fighter from my home country (Mexico for those of you who don’t know me from nubblies, but also for those of you who actually know me and know that I’m in no way shape or form Mexican, but choose to ignore the fact due to its comedic value (I don’t think any of you know me in IRL, so I might as well just be Mexican)). Championship cock legs go for like 8 billion pesos, which is like $4 American, so I can only deduce that this is from someone who knows their shit. At any rate, it lasted as my new back scratcher for a few minutes until my cat took off with it and I had to put it away.
And now a moment of silence for el campeón that once was.
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Moving on. This was the gift marked numero dos (2). I don’t know where it came from, and I don’t care for the implications at all.
Picture #3: Fuck you Santa, you think you know me? You think you can just bring up France and don’t think I’m not going to bring up Spain? Fuck you for real Santa, we’ll see what’s up. You don’t think a motha fucka can’t get gangsta up in here? Spain bitch... People don't forget... Spain.
And a final usage of the mermaid tattoo:
