I frankly don't know whether to transcript the letter first or let the pictures do the talking ... so I'll spoiler the letter here, you can read before or after checking out the
AMAZING FUCKING HAUL Santa gave me this year.
DEAREST DDTEMPEST
IT HAS COME TO MRS CLAUSES AND MY ATTENTION THAT MANY ARE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR PUSILANIMOUS TENDENCIES
THIS YEAR WE NOTICED THAT YOU IS AFFLIATED AS A NINJA ON THE SEXBEAR INTERNET WEBNUBBLIES
ENCLOSED PLEASE FIND THE FOLLOWING ITEMS
A NINJA MASK WITH HOOD
A PAIR OF GENUINE NUNCHUCKS WRAPPED INCELLOPHANE
TWO GOLDEN BADASSED YIN YANGEMBLAMED THROWING STARS
A THREE PRONGED CIRCULAR KNIFE WITH LOCKING BLADES
GENTLEY PREOWNED BOOK EXPLAINING THE MYSTIC OF NINJA
JAPANESE INSTRUCTIONAL CDS TO LEARN NINJA-CODE LANGUAGE
THE INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO AMERICAN NINJA 4
A FEW GENERIC ADHESIVE BANDAGES
A CHUCK NORRIS VIDEO FOR OVERALL BADASSEDNESS INSTRUCTION
IT IS DIFFICULT TO LOCATE JAPANESE LIQUOR AT THE NORTH POLE SO A SUBSTITUTION WAS PROVIDED YOU WILL IMPROVISE AS REAL NINJAS DO
NOW GET OUT THERE AND LEARN SOME KICK SOME ASS AND EXIT THE WORLD OF PUSILANIMITY ONCE AND FOR ALL AS THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT KICKING ASS AND BEING STEALTHY ABOUT IT. YOU CAN CHOOSE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS AFTER YOU GAIN EXPERIENCE
SEMPER FI GRASSHOPPER
SANTA
All mispellings, capitalizations, and punctuation is accurate to the original hand-written letter.
Now the pics ...
The opening:
the chucks:
"Warning Use and misuse of martial arts weapons involve serious risks, including injury, disability, and death. Weapons are sold only for training
only under expert supervision, for demonstration of forms collection or display. Inspect weapon before each use to ensure they are in proper condition: do not use weapons for sparring or contact. User assumes all risks of injury.
liquid courage:
anonymity:
bloodletting of foes:
the language:
the films:
gently used ninja manual:
the letter:
This is simply a wonderful bounty of gifts. I am refilled with the true spirit of Nubblies Christmas.