While perusing rage comics, I somehow acquired an obnoxious malware known as the windows 2012 antivirus. Since Blonde is the source of all things reddit on this board (including knowledge of rage comics) I blame him.
If anyone else mysteriously gets this ridiculous virus, here is how you remove it:
Remove Win 7 Antispyware 2012 and Vista Antivirus 2012 name changing rogue (Uninstall Guide)
P.S. Fuck you Blonde.