WWOD?

[St. Anky]

You're contacted by President Bush and he gives you the chance of a lifetime. You are given a gun with ONE bullet. And, upon their capture, Saddam and Osama are standing 15ft before you. It is your job, being dually ordained and all, to decide who dies. You may only shoot one of them, and they are sitting 3 feet apart, side by side. The gun you are using is not strong enough to go completely through both of them, but a shot could easily kill one.

WWOD?

Anky, although this is a good WWOD? I think it would also serve as a very good This or That, perhaps you should also post this in there.

This one is very easy--Osama's skull would taste the bullet. Because we are already asshole deep into Iraq, I believe that Saddam will be fisted soon enough with my interference; however, years of chasing Osama have proved to be fruitless. With that in mind, I think I'll take the more elusive of the two.

[Trout Sniffer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally quoted by Orgazmo:
Personally, I have to choose the Grizzly Bear. I can see me kicking the ass of all the other options...but the Grizzly Bear is a definite fatality. I would not like to face the Grizzly Bear.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ok, this brings up a nice WWOD subject.
What would Orgazmo do if he were being chased in a forest by not only 1, but 5 grizzly bears. Orgazmo is by himself and the only thing he has on him is a tiny little pocket knife that would barely be able to penetrate the bears skin and would not come close to killing a bear just by stabbing it. There is nobody else around, no hidden traps that Orgazmo has set up for the bears and the closest end to the woods is 3 miles away.

WWOD?

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-WCHS Administration SUCKS!

Orgazmo could really do a number of different things in the said situation...but, because he's a crafty bastard and likes to be efficient, he'd shape the circumstances into a single stone that could kill two birds.

You see, because of his skill in killing stuff, Orgazmo has yet to lose his non-dominant hand, the hand that most pirates have lost and replaced with a hook. Of course, simply cutting the hand off for no reason a'tall is unacceptable...so, in order to get the hook on the hand...and to get the bears off of his ass, Orgazmo would use the pocket knife to sever his left hand while running from the bears. After cutting it completely off, Orgazmo would bite a finger on the left hand to hold the piece in his mouth. He's take the knife in his right hand, turn quickly, and fire the blade at the bear leading the 5. The knife would go straight into his eye, dropping him immediately and tripping up the other bears. With all 5 bears spread out on the ground (and one really pissed and biting the other 4 because he can't see out of one eye), Orgazmo would toss the left hand into the rumble. The addition of fresh meat would cause a rucus that would send all 5 bears into a huge fight for the right to consume the hand. While they fought, Orgazmo would simply walk away like nothing happened.

Upon his return to his ship, Orgazmo would replace his stump with a pimped out Hook. After this, he'd go back into the woods, find the single bear that killed the other 4 for the hand, and decapitate it with his newly renovated appendage. The head of the bear would be mounted to the front of his ship and used to scare away pussy ninjas.

[Trout Sniffer]

Wow, that is quite an answer Mr. Orgazmo. Of course a ninja, like myself, would have easily taken out all 5 of the bears without being scathed, but you do need the hook, so I like the idea of this.

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-WCHS Administration SUCKS!

[Ugly Bastard]

Let's say you are informed that you have to attend a gathering in Kansas. We'll call it a wedding for arguement's sake. Now, you really do not want to go to this wedding, but feel guilted into going for two reasons:

Reason 1.) The people who are getting married recently came to your graduation, and attended your open house.

Reason 2.) Your parents are heavily trying to get you to go. This isn't some light-matter around the household, they are serious when they say that they want you there in Kansas for the wedding.

Now, the bottom line is plain and simple-You're not going to the wedding in Kansas. How do you get out of it?

WWOD?

-Ugly Bastard

[Orgazmo]

To avoid having to attend the wedding, Orgazmo would simply approach the associated press with a new story. He would claim that Satan is traveling to Earth and that the help of all ordained folks is necessary to repel him. Being dually ordained, all would follow his suggestion, leaving no one to conduct the wedding...thus leaving it cancelled. Piece o' cake.

[Ugly Bastard]

Orgazmo is thrown from a moving plane at 30,000 feet. He has a gun with twelve rounds, a blanket, and some rope attached to him. He is also wearing a wing-suit (which drops his rate of decent from about 120 mph to only 30-40 mph). Orgazmo desperately wants to stay alive, but won't if he hits the ground at 30-40 mph. He has 12 minutes until he hits the ground.

What Would Orgazmo Do?

-Ugly Bastard

[Orgazmo]

The solution to this WWOD is quite simple.

Orgazmo would immediately make it so he's falling back first as he faces the plane which he fell from. Because it was said that he'll hit in 12 minutes, he's already quite a ways away from the plane...but that doesn't really matter...as he's a sharpshooter. He immediately aims for the side of the cockpit and unloads his clip...except for one shot. Because the type of gun was unspecified, we'll assume it's strong enough to go through the side of the plane. His shots will kill the pilot and destroy all electrical equipment.

Upon seeing this, the perpetrator responsible for throwing him out would parachute out of the plane himself in an attempt to save his own life. When this happened, Orgazmo would simply aim at the jumper and shoot him with the last bullet before he could open his chute. Of course, the shot would not be fatal. It would be to the spine, paralyzing the fucker.

Orgazmo would use the wing suit to adjust his falling speed to fall back/catch up with the falling bad guy. He'd grab ahold of the horse with no name before tying the rope around the guy's neck. At this state, Orgazmo would put on the parachute-holding backpack as he tied the other end of the rope (which is around the bad guy's neck) to one of the shoulder straps of the pack. Now, with a simple pull, the chute deploys, slowing Orgazmo to a nice descent and, at the same time, decapitating the poor fuck that messed with the best.

Upon landing, Orgazmo would search out the villain's head. Once found, he would spread the blanket as he feasted upon the skull in a nice picnic atmosphere.

[Ugly Bastard]

Phenominal Answer

-Ugly Bastard

[Titan]

I thought the decapitation was a definite plus.

[Combat Chuck]

You know, I just had this really long scenario for ya....and then I realized it sucked. *sigh* Sometimes it's harder to come up with the scenarios than it is to come up with the solutions....or maybe I'm just a fucktard.

Whatever. I'm going to go blow my nose.

[Adminisexxor]

Alright Gaz, let's see what you're really made of.

Let's imagine that you have this thread on a message board. According to a recent poll, it's pretty well liked by a few people...yet, oddly enough, no one participates anymore. What would you do to try to revive the son of a bitch?

[Orgazmo]

After quite a bit of thought, Orgazmo has come up with the perfect solution.

You see, Adminisexxor, it's all about bumping the thread back to the top. With the 10 or so threads that are (were) above the thread of which you obviously speak, we'll see a frozen hell before the number of posts within that thread increment. That said, a simple bump is our goal here.

Now...the average man would open the thread, add the word "bump," and pound upon the submit button. The average administrator would use his superpowers to lift the thread above the rest without any content added. Orgazmo is neither of the aforementioned.

In a fury of madness, Orgazmo would assume control of a secondary account. Because he could assume any identity on the board, he would choose the #1 member, thus, in board-theory*, the most powerful member of the website. He would then pose a reasonable question in the said thread, and, because he's actually the one that crafted the question, he would compose a grand slam of a response.

This is the logic behind his actions, Adminisexxor. He takes control of the most powerful* member, a member who is normally dormant...undoubtedly gaining attention from many of the board underlings. After stacking the deck with this Ace, Orgazmo logs back into the boards under his main identity and provides an answer that leaves those reading mindfucked. It's at this point that they wonder if they're reading about themselves. They are times like these that plant the seed into the human mind of concepts like "deja vu" and the perpetual wondering if the world is centered upon one...and the rest are simply drones meant to fool one into believing they're just like the rest. Without even realizing it, the reader contemplates said topics, completely drifting from what started as a simple answer into an infinite loop on the Mindfuck Rollercoaster. It's like that one book that they had back at the Eisenhower Elementary Library, where the cover is a picture of a rabbit sitting underneath a tree...reading the book that has a cover with a picture of him sitting underneath a tree...reading the book that has a cover of him sitting underneath a tree...

After doing all of this, Orgazmo would submit his reply, fulfilling the ultimate goal of bumping the thread.

*Board-Theory refers to the notion that power is equated with either a high post count or a low member number.

*Most Powerful should not be confused with "best." Pliedes is the best member. He has the trophy.

[Ugly Bastard]

You're sitting at the World Series of Poker. There are two left, you, and Doyle Brunson.

You have a visor, sunglasses, and a polo shirt on you. You also have pocket aces on you.

You have a small chip lead, and Doyle has 72 offsuit. You have to goad him into going all in pre-flop on this hand.

WWOD?

-Ugly Bastard

[ October 24, 2003, 11:05 PM: Message edited by: Ugly Bastard ]

[Orgazmo]

I'll give it to you, Bastard, you gave Orgazmo a situation that required much more thought than most of those that have come before. In the end, Orgazmo realized that he was thinking about things from the wrong perspective. Orgazmo was running odds through his head, realizing that he was about an 81.3% favorite (at worst), and an 82.6% favorite (at best) to win the hand (statistcs depends on suits of the cards for flush draws). Orgazmo even went as far as to contemplate putting 4x of the value of Mr. Brunson's chips of his own money up on the side, offering it to Doyle in the case that he won...so that he'd have pot odds smiling upon him. No no, this was not the right way to approach the situation.

Orgazmo would like to present to you the right way to approach the situation. The only knowledge of poker that one must possess to understand this is simply that the poker tournament will be finished once one of us loses all of our chips. Because we're so close in chips, once one of us calls "all-in," the tournament will basically be over. If I win, I'll have all of the chips (because I have more to start with). If he wins, I'll haven't enough chips to really work with, the blinds will take care of the remainder of my stack. This in mind, Orgazmo goes to work.

Being the all-knowing being that he is, Orgazmo anticipated such a situation. Wanting to always be prepared, Orgazmo has payed off an outsider to act as an informant. Now things get beautiful.

The cards are dealt and the pocket rockets are seen. Orgazmo contemplates and, boldly (and, as stated in Bastard's message, knowing that Brunson hold's poker's worst hand) puts Brunson all-in. Because he's funny, Brunson would not immediately fold...it's simply not his style. At the very least, he'd think about the call to make me sweat it out (he would be assuming that I'm not holding the absolute rocks...which, of course, I am). Anyway, while he's thinking, I'll put my pre-arranged plan into action.

With a few strokes on my Centenniel cellular phone, my outsider (who, by the way, is a police officer that is stationed outside of the building) receives a vibration in his beeper, and, as planned, he rushes inside. He approaches the table and whispers the sad news into Mr. Brunson's ear. It seems as if Mr. Brunson's daughter has been involved in a head-on collision 3 states over. She's teetering on the brink of death. If he wants to see her before she goes, he's going to have to leave now. Suddenly, the WWOD has turned into a WWBD. I'll tell you what Brunson would do, he'd call all-in, he'd lose the hand, and he'd rush out of the casino...only to be informed later that the joke is on him.

[ October 25, 2003, 01:12 AM: Message edited by: Orgazmo ]

[Ugly Bastard]

Jesus and Mary.

Everytime I compose a WWOD, I sit here and think "he'll never come up with anything for that one," but every single time, you prove me wrong.

It's really quite remarkable. Nice work.

-Ugly Bastard

[Alpha]

Because of a lawsuit by a disgruntled person that was made fun of on this website, Nubblies is shut down... That is of course until you find a way to pirate it back on the net. After hearing about this more powerful authorities are notified. 16 SWAT team agents are called in from Chicago to arrest you, they arrange themselves into Alpha pattern around your house (4 squad members entering from 4 different directions). As they enter you are on the john taking a shit, and you can hear them seraching each room. What would Orgazmo do to escape this terrible situation?

[Pliedes]

Originally posted by Orgazmo:
*Most Powerful should not be confused with "best." Pliedes is the best member. He has the trophy.[/i]

You speak the truth.

[victim]

Until the end of contest #2...

[Titan]

*Generous amounts of laughter*

Victim, you're out of your league my friend.

[Pliedes]

Originally posted by Orgazmo:
fierce little cockhoppers

Nice.

[Orgazmo]

Oddly enough, you've crafted a situation that fits perfectly into Orgazmo's household structure. Luckily for him, Orgazmo's bathroom has two key features that would make this situation easy to escape.

As the authorities ravage the house, Orgazmo would carelessly finish dropping his friends off at the pool. Once completed, Orgazmo would utilize the first of the features, a transportation tube which travels both ways from the bathroom to the mailbox outside. He'd simply lift the hidden flap of carpet to the tube, enter it, and, like the little thingie at the bank, he'd be wisked away...outside and out of harm's way.

Hearing the toilet flush as his Orgazmo's business completed, all 16 of the authories would rush into the bathroom (in alpha formation...I suppose). This action brings us to the second neat feature of the bathroom: a ceiling full of flesh-eating scarabs...much like those seen in the blockbuster mega-hit The Mummy. Controlled via remote, Orgazmo would simply push the button once he's clear and the ceiling would retract, letting gravity drop hundreds of thousands of the fierce little cockhoppers onto the sixteen men. Before they would know what hit them...they will have hit the ground as mere skeletons.

With immediate problems no longer problem a'tall, Orgazmo would focus his energy on long-term hassles. To rid himself of these problems, Orgazmo would simply point the courts handling his lawsuit to Nubblies' disclaimer, which takes care of any such problem That said, Nubblies would be pirated back onto the net in two shakes of a lamb's tail and everybody would smile. Everybody.

[tonguegina]

Orgazmo is buried alive. He is in a casket six feet under, and all that is in it is himself and the suit they buried him in. There is no source for light, obviously, and he was buried with no jewelry of any sort.

WWOD?