I am legend

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

I saw this movie at the Imax in indy earlier today. I had high hopes for this flickerdoo. Unfortunately, the movie was shitty. There are a fuckload of spoilers below, so don't read this yet if youre a huge faggot. But trust me you'll enjoy the movie much more if u read this first so you can say "haha i see what ID was talking about rofl."

Will Smith dies at the end. This movie is basicly just a zombie movie. 28 days later was much better. Normally, I can let a few inconsistancies go in sci-fi/horror films. But this movie inspired me to rip its shit apart.
First of all lets start with the CGI. Its like they weren't even trying, its pathetic. So the here we are in New York in like the year 2012, everybody is a zombie besides will smith. Apparently, some time in 2008 some scientist came with a cure for cancer, but uh oh, the cure somehow turns people in to hyper-aggressive zombies and the virus spreads rampantly throughout the world. Ok, cool, hyper-aggressive rabid zombies. but wait, the zombies can't go into light for some reason. seems like a neat little twist doesn't it? but no its not, the zombies apparently don't feel any pain, but they scream like little girls when UV light hits them. Their flesh starts melting, and smoking right away, which is kind of ridiculous when you think about it. But its certainly can be overlooked for stories sake, but thats the problem with this movie there is too much shit to overlook. These are supposed to be zombie creatures that keep coming after you with a leg blown off, etc. But the light acts like some kind of physical barrier. It would have been sick if the zombies kept coming after Will totally ignoring their melting flesh, but the zombies enough self control to stick around in the dark when a tastey black man is just a few feet away in the light.

The movie is full of shitty flashbacks. They have no purpose other to illustrate Will was once a loving father and husband. PUKE. His family died in the gayest helicopter crash ever.

The first time we see the zombies Will is searching through the dark for his dog. Hes really scaredlike and has a flashlight mounted on a gun. He turns the corner and OMG theres like 5 zombies! These zombies are about to fuck some shit up right? Wrong. They're busy doing some kind of circle jerk and don't notice Will. WTF? are they sleeping or something? standing up? the virus somehow gives you special abilities to keep balance while sleeping? No the zombies were clearly busy circle jerking. So Will slowly backs away... Awkwaaaard!!

So apparently there were no black people in New York in the year 2008 (Will doesn't count). Because if there were you know shit would be fucked up and looted if some kind of pandemic sweeping through the city. Besides some untamed foilage, nary a window is broken.

At one point in the movie the zombies seem to be getting smarter. One sets an elaborate trap to kill Will. I naively hoped that the film was getting better. "Cool, a battle of wits between monster and man!" But the zombie seems to regress after this point. He is now designated as "leader" zombie. But all he seems to do is stand in front groups of zombies before they attack and then roars/screeches indicating that it is now time to rush forward blindley.

Lions, Tigers, and Antelopes freely rome New York's streets. I'll guess that's some careless zookeeper's bad.

These zombies are huge vagines when they do manage to get close. I counted at least two times in which an infected monster is on top of Will while hes on the ground. Both times he comes out unscathed. Will Smith has to be the most talented actor in scenes involving weapons that are just out of reach. I thought there was no way he was going to be able to top his work in that movie with the robots. But I was once again enthralled to see Will reach that extra inch. The man is a master of his art. Its a good thing monsters like to pause and roar for an unnecessary amount of time before striking a death blow, usually long enough for the hero to escape or be rescued in the nick of time.

If everyone is dead what are the zombies eating?

Will spends every day of his waking life trying to find a cure and contact other survivors. He never gives up hope and everyday sends radio signals to meet at a specific place at noon and goes there. When he finally contacts (hot) chick and boy, it should be an eccstatic exciting time with hope of other people surviving if a woman and child can survive. But all the sudden Will is jaded and believes that there are no survivors... I know hes sad cuz his dog died but fuckin lighten up Will. Its weird how he turns on a dime from "dreamer" to "emo fuck."

How does Will Smith manage to sneak a scene in with his shirt off in every movie that he's ever been in?

At the end of the movie they try to pull off some Em
Night Shamalamadingdong bullshit with butterflies... yea i don't know. A zombies trying to bust through bullet proof glass and the broken glass is kind of shaped like a butterfly. Will just notices the chick has a tatoo of a butterfly on her neck at this time too. Throw in some auditory flashbacks about someone talking about following a butterfly and BAM! this movie's got some meaning. So Will decides to sacrifice himself for the chick and the girl. He tells them to hide in some little nook with a steel door (why does will have a nook with a steel door in his basement?) until dawn. Nevermind they have no way of telling when its dawn because its dark in the nook. So he hides them in the nook and pulls out a grenade from from a desk drawer (i know) and blows himself up and a bunch of zombies along with himself. Its beyond me why he doesn't just throw the grenade at the zombies and hide in the nook until dawn, too. I guess he thought it would be more dramatic that way.

Movie rating: Shitty