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Ugly Bastard · 12-01-2003, 10:42 PM

If there is one thing I can't stand, it's people who think that I give two-shits about their "amazing" poker story. I play more poker than probably anyone I know, yet I never tell anyone a damn thing about it, 'cause I know that no one cares as much as I do. Unless it's a highly unusual, freakish hand that I know they won't mind hearing about (ie: the hand I posted in the Most Amazing Poker Hand Thread today), I never mention a damn word about poker to anyone.

There are some people who are relentless in their pursuit to tell me about their poker hand(s) too. It's not even a good story, or one that I'd normally care about. The thing everyone needs to realize, is that poker is very conducive to putting people's emotions in control of their actions. It is a game of luck and odds, such types of games lead people to be either really happy or really frusterated. I realize I'm going to offend some people by making this rant, but I don't give a damn...STOP TELLING ME YOUR FUCKING POKER STORIES...I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

Right now, as I speak, my Instant Messenger has been bleeping over and over and over again with countless messages coming in from another Nubblite, who is telling me all about his pokering today. I am making this rant as not only a message to him, but everyone else who constantly tells me about their poker stories. I am just letting everyone know that I don't give one flying fuck about your poker playing. You know who you are, and I'm talking to you right now...if you want to tell me what your bankroll is like every couple of days, or share a highly unusual freakish, amazing royal-flushesque story with me...go ahead, just don't bore me with the pages of other shit that you send me...I don't even read your messages anymore.

This is the shit I have to put up with folks, you would think that after countless "that's neat" and "uh-huh" and "oh" and "keep going" that the person would catch on that I honestly don't give a rats' ass:

Nubblite cory I have a story
Nubblite it's a bit long but I need to vent my frustrations with Party Poker at this moment in time
UB: alright nubblite...go ahead.
Nubblite well first of all i couldn't resist the urge to cash-in again, so I succumbed to my emotions and did so
UB: keep going
Nubblite upon cashing in I get second in my first tournament, not a bad way to begin
Nubblite cory I just had another swing just as we were speaking, I will add that in at the end of the story, I plan on making a post about the up and downs of party poker on this very day
Nubblite any who I cashed in and took second in a tournament, so I'm up to 70 or so
Nubblite not to bad
Nubblite I enter another tournament and get third
Nubblite so I'm up to 80...at this point I'm on the happy side I won't deny it
UB: man that sucks.
Nubblite it gets better
Nubblite so I'm up 80 and decide to play a NL 25 table, just for shits in giggles, I play for a half an hour endure some swings and end up winning 10 form that
Nubblite so at this point I'm at 90
Nubblite I take a 25 min. break and then decide to play a tournament and win it, I'm up to 130
UB: well good
Nubblite at this point I feel great, life is good, the world is round, the grass is green, fuck they sky is even still blue
Nubblite I play two more tournament in which I placed 4th and 5th
Nubblite so I'm down to 110 give or take a few bucks
Nubblite I take a 30 min. break and play again, i sit down at another no limit 25 table
Nubblite I get up to 35 feeling good when I call and all-in pre-flop
Nubblite somebody before me goes all in with 8's
Nubblite I see the pocket Kowboys looking at me and call
Nubblite the flop comes 4 8 8
Nubblite I was fucked
UB: ouch
Nubblite and lost my 25 so now I'm down to 85
Nubblite I look at things and still see it as a good day so I eat dinner and quit, I mean fuck any man would be happy making 35 for entertainment
Nubblite but as I'm watching TV with nothing on the "PartyPoker" icon on my desktop looks at me and says "play you fucking pussy".....I hear what it says and instantly click and get into a 25 NL table
Nubblite I have a few swings when I decide to go all in and win, I don't recollect what it was but I was up to 61 on the table, putting me back up to 120
UB: atta boy
Nubblite I'm feeling good talking with Nieter when all of a sudden I get delt some 4's....I bet 3 pre-flop as everyone folded except behind the big blind behind me
Nubblite he calls, so I'm putting him with a high pair
Nubblite or high cards in general
Nubblite the flop comes 4 3 3 and instantly my penis becomes errect
UB: yes...
Nubblite I just flopped a full house.....the high one at that....so I bet 5 and he calls, which was to my pleasure but also to my puzzlement, he had to of been holding K's or A's I told myself....the next card comes a 3
Nubblite so there is 4 3 3 3 on the board and I'm holding 4's
Nubblite at that point I thought well shit that rules the possibility of him holding a 3
Nubblite out
UB: keep going
Nubblite so I bet 10 and the fucker calls, the next card is a 2 and I bet 5 and he re-raises to 10...this sets me back I wait little time though and call to find that what did the son of a bitch do? he called me on a 3 5 offsuit...yes the big blind calls a 3 dollar raise pre-flop with 3 5 offsuit and miraculously hits 4 3's to beat my 4's full over 3's
Nubblite so at this point I just lost a huge fucking pot, somewhere around $50 dollars
Nubblite my bankroll drops 23 or so
Nubblite 4 or 5 hands later I'm delt an A J of diamonds
Nubblite I raise 5 pre-flop to make sure only people with very good hands will stay
UB: yes yes.
Nubblite the same fucker that screwed me with the 3 / 5 offsuit calls me
Nubblite the flop comes 3 A 3 and yet again my penis is hard
Nubblite I bet 5 again and he calls, I'm thinking there's no way in fuck he's holding a 3 again so I put him with an A however he's a dipshit and I highly doubted he would have me outkicked with something higher than a J
Nubblite the turn comes 8
Nubblite I bet 5 and he calls again, the river comes a J so I have two high pair on the board and the 3's do not even matter
Nubblite so I go all in for my 13 or whatever is there and he calls to my astonishment and pleasure as I figured I had him beat without a doubt, it reveals the bitch was holding pocket 8's, despite the raises pre-flop and the betting after 3 A 3 he stayed with 8's making me believe he had to of been with party poker
UB: i'm sorry to hear that Nubblite
Nubblite I'm super pissed, beyond pissed, i take 10 min. to catch my breath
Nubblite: I lost all 60 of it and was back down to $60 because some son of a bitch catches shit on the turn he has no business even being in the hand for
Nubblite: so out of shear frustration I cash another 25 into the table
Nubblite: I'm bound to beat this guy somehand I tell myself
Nubblite: the same hand I cash that 25 I'm delt pocket A's....betting goes around and that same mother fucker goes all in before me
UB: yes
Nubblite: now I have A's there's no way in fuck I can fold my hand....so I call the flop comes K J of diamonds and an A
Nubblite: I just flopped a nut at that point
Nubblite: I think "this piece of shit is dead
UB: qt is the nut
Nubblite: yes your correct...well fuck me I was wrong...anywhoo I felt good the next card is an 8 of diamonds and the river is the 5 of clubs
Nubblite: we reveal our cards and he is holding miraculously the other A as well as the Q of diamonds....
Nubblite: at this point I'm about ready to notify party poker because it was getting ridiculous...no matter what I did this guy fucked me in the ass, if I had A's and he had 2 7 offsuit he would of hit 3 4 5 6 on the flop and turn
Nubblite: I'm down to 35 now, I was in tears nearly, getting ready to break the screen, cussing, kicking shit and I broke a lamp in my room
UB: yes...
Nubblite: I was in a rage but I'm bound to beat this table, that's all I told myself so I cash in 25 more
Nubblite: i play some hands while I'm typing this story to you when I'm delt J 10 suited, somebody raises 5 pre-flop and I'm so pissed to think I call
Nubblite: the flop comes K J 5
UB: yes...
Nubblite: somebody goes all in, and the mother fucker that hosed me everytime calls as well
Nubblite: I call, simply because I'mr eady to just lose all of my money, no amount of words can describe what I was feeling
Nubblite: so a $75 + pot is sitting there
UB: yes...
Nubblite: the next three turn and river come J J I hit 4 jacks
Nubblite: mother fucker
Nubblite: that's while I was just talking to you and said "another swing just happened cory"
Nubblite: the fucker that hosed me all those times ahd K K and the guy that went all in originally had A K
UB: oh yeah?
Nubblite: cory I left the table, up to 115 in my account
Nubblite: up 65 for the day...and so fucking amazed at the swing of things that just happened I can't even see straight
UB: neat
Nubblite: what do you think of that story
Nubblite: I had an amazing hand in poker over and over again
UB: it's quite the story.
Nubblite: like I'm still sitting here in shock
UB: oh me too...me too....

To the Nubblite, I kept you anonymous to prevent any embarrassment. I respect you, so doing such a thing comes naturally. I'm just asking for a little respect in return; I'm not a mannequin, stop treating me as one. And don't get too mad or anything, you are one of many people who tell me their stories, it just so happened that you were telling me a story when I decided to make this rant, so I picked on you...it could've been anyone...this is nothing personal at all.

-Ugly Bastard

Update: Just got this message from the Nubblite about five minutes after posting the rant

Nubblite: like I want to make a nubblies post about it but it's so long it's almost like a rant
UB: i already made the rant for you

[ December 01, 2003, 08:05 PM: Message edited by: Ugly Bastard ]

12-01-2003, 10:42 PM	#1 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	If there is one thing I can't stand, it's people who think that I give two-shits about their "amazing" poker story. I play more poker than probably anyone I know, yet I never tell anyone a damn thing about it, 'cause I know that no one cares as much as I do. Unless it's a highly unusual, freakish hand that I know they won't mind hearing about (ie: the hand I posted in the Most Amazing Poker Hand Thread today), I never mention a damn word about poker to anyone. There are some people who are relentless in their pursuit to tell me about their poker hand(s) too. It's not even a good story, or one that I'd normally care about. The thing everyone needs to realize, is that poker is very conducive to putting people's emotions in control of their actions. It is a game of luck and odds, such types of games lead people to be either really happy or really frusterated. I realize I'm going to offend some people by making this rant, but I don't give a damn...STOP TELLING ME YOUR FUCKING POKER STORIES...I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. Right now, as I speak, my Instant Messenger has been bleeping over and over and over again with countless messages coming in from another Nubblite, who is telling me all about his pokering today. I am making this rant as not only a message to him, but everyone else who constantly tells me about their poker stories. I am just letting everyone know that I don't give one flying fuck about your poker playing. You know who you are, and I'm talking to you right now...if you want to tell me what your bankroll is like every couple of days, or share a highly unusual freakish, amazing royal-flushesque story with me...go ahead, just don't bore me with the pages of other shit that you send me...I don't even read your messages anymore. This is the shit I have to put up with folks, you would think that after countless "that's neat" and "uh-huh" and "oh" and "keep going" that the person would catch on that I honestly don't give a rats' ass: Nubblite cory I have a story Nubblite it's a bit long but I need to vent my frustrations with Party Poker at this moment in time UB: alright nubblite...go ahead. Nubblite well first of all i couldn't resist the urge to cash-in again, so I succumbed to my emotions and did so UB: keep going Nubblite upon cashing in I get second in my first tournament, not a bad way to begin Nubblite cory I just had another swing just as we were speaking, I will add that in at the end of the story, I plan on making a post about the up and downs of party poker on this very day Nubblite any who I cashed in and took second in a tournament, so I'm up to 70 or so Nubblite not to bad Nubblite I enter another tournament and get third Nubblite so I'm up to 80...at this point I'm on the happy side I won't deny it UB: man that sucks. Nubblite it gets better Nubblite so I'm up 80 and decide to play a NL 25 table, just for shits in giggles, I play for a half an hour endure some swings and end up winning 10 form that Nubblite so at this point I'm at 90 Nubblite I take a 25 min. break and then decide to play a tournament and win it, I'm up to 130 UB: well good Nubblite at this point I feel great, life is good, the world is round, the grass is green, fuck they sky is even still blue Nubblite I play two more tournament in which I placed 4th and 5th Nubblite so I'm down to 110 give or take a few bucks Nubblite I take a 30 min. break and play again, i sit down at another no limit 25 table Nubblite I get up to 35 feeling good when I call and all-in pre-flop Nubblite somebody before me goes all in with 8's Nubblite I see the pocket Kowboys looking at me and call Nubblite the flop comes 4 8 8 Nubblite I was fucked UB: ouch Nubblite and lost my 25 so now I'm down to 85 Nubblite I look at things and still see it as a good day so I eat dinner and quit, I mean fuck any man would be happy making 35 for entertainment Nubblite but as I'm watching TV with nothing on the "PartyPoker" icon on my desktop looks at me and says "play you fucking pussy".....I hear what it says and instantly click and get into a 25 NL table Nubblite I have a few swings when I decide to go all in and win, I don't recollect what it was but I was up to 61 on the table, putting me back up to 120 UB: atta boy Nubblite I'm feeling good talking with Nieter when all of a sudden I get delt some 4's....I bet 3 pre-flop as everyone folded except behind the big blind behind me Nubblite he calls, so I'm putting him with a high pair Nubblite or high cards in general Nubblite the flop comes 4 3 3 and instantly my penis becomes errect UB: yes... Nubblite I just flopped a full house.....the high one at that....so I bet 5 and he calls, which was to my pleasure but also to my puzzlement, he had to of been holding K's or A's I told myself....the next card comes a 3 Nubblite so there is 4 3 3 3 on the board and I'm holding 4's Nubblite at that point I thought well shit that rules the possibility of him holding a 3 Nubblite out UB: keep going Nubblite so I bet 10 and the fucker calls, the next card is a 2 and I bet 5 and he re-raises to 10...this sets me back I wait little time though and call to find that what did the son of a bitch do? he called me on a 3 5 offsuit...yes the big blind calls a 3 dollar raise pre-flop with 3 5 offsuit and miraculously hits 4 3's to beat my 4's full over 3's Nubblite so at this point I just lost a huge fucking pot, somewhere around $50 dollars Nubblite my bankroll drops 23 or so Nubblite 4 or 5 hands later I'm delt an A J of diamonds Nubblite I raise 5 pre-flop to make sure only people with very good hands will stay UB: yes yes. Nubblite the same fucker that screwed me with the 3 / 5 offsuit calls me Nubblite the flop comes 3 A 3 and yet again my penis is hard Nubblite I bet 5 again and he calls, I'm thinking there's no way in fuck he's holding a 3 again so I put him with an A however he's a dipshit and I highly doubted he would have me outkicked with something higher than a J Nubblite the turn comes 8 Nubblite I bet 5 and he calls again, the river comes a J so I have two high pair on the board and the 3's do not even matter Nubblite so I go all in for my 13 or whatever is there and he calls to my astonishment and pleasure as I figured I had him beat without a doubt, it reveals the bitch was holding pocket 8's, despite the raises pre-flop and the betting after 3 A 3 he stayed with 8's making me believe he had to of been with party poker UB: i'm sorry to hear that Nubblite Nubblite I'm super pissed, beyond pissed, i take 10 min. to catch my breath Nubblite: I lost all 60 of it and was back down to $60 because some son of a bitch catches shit on the turn he has no business even being in the hand for Nubblite: so out of shear frustration I cash another 25 into the table Nubblite: I'm bound to beat this guy somehand I tell myself Nubblite: the same hand I cash that 25 I'm delt pocket A's....betting goes around and that same mother fucker goes all in before me UB: yes Nubblite: now I have A's there's no way in fuck I can fold my hand....so I call the flop comes K J of diamonds and an A Nubblite: I just flopped a nut at that point Nubblite: I think "this piece of shit is dead UB: qt is the nut Nubblite: yes your correct...well fuck me I was wrong...anywhoo I felt good the next card is an 8 of diamonds and the river is the 5 of clubs Nubblite: we reveal our cards and he is holding miraculously the other A as well as the Q of diamonds.... Nubblite: at this point I'm about ready to notify party poker because it was getting ridiculous...no matter what I did this guy fucked me in the ass, if I had A's and he had 2 7 offsuit he would of hit 3 4 5 6 on the flop and turn Nubblite: I'm down to 35 now, I was in tears nearly, getting ready to break the screen, cussing, kicking shit and I broke a lamp in my room UB: yes... Nubblite: I was in a rage but I'm bound to beat this table, that's all I told myself so I cash in 25 more Nubblite: i play some hands while I'm typing this story to you when I'm delt J 10 suited, somebody raises 5 pre-flop and I'm so pissed to think I call Nubblite: the flop comes K J 5 UB: yes... Nubblite: somebody goes all in, and the mother fucker that hosed me everytime calls as well Nubblite: I call, simply because I'mr eady to just lose all of my money, no amount of words can describe what I was feeling Nubblite: so a $75 + pot is sitting there UB: yes... Nubblite: the next three turn and river come J J I hit 4 jacks Nubblite: mother fucker Nubblite: that's while I was just talking to you and said "another swing just happened cory" Nubblite: the fucker that hosed me all those times ahd K K and the guy that went all in originally had A K UB: oh yeah? Nubblite: cory I left the table, up to 115 in my account Nubblite: up 65 for the day...and so fucking amazed at the swing of things that just happened I can't even see straight UB: neat Nubblite: what do you think of that story Nubblite: I had an amazing hand in poker over and over again UB: it's quite the story. Nubblite: like I'm still sitting here in shock UB: oh me too...me too.... To the Nubblite, I kept you anonymous to prevent any embarrassment. I respect you, so doing such a thing comes naturally. I'm just asking for a little respect in return; I'm not a mannequin, stop treating me as one. And don't get too mad or anything, you are one of many people who tell me their stories, it just so happened that you were telling me a story when I decided to make this rant, so I picked on you...it could've been anyone...this is nothing personal at all. -Ugly Bastard Update: Just got this message from the Nubblite about five minutes after posting the rant Nubblite: like I want to make a nubblies post about it but it's so long it's almost like a rant UB: i already made the rant for you [ December 01, 2003, 08:05 PM: Message edited by: Ugly Bastard ]