This is my real-time review of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I posted it on FB too. There are spoilers below, but I tried using the spoiler tag and the result REALLY fucked up my vision for a good couple minutes. You'll just have to do without.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine illegal download (refused to watch working copy a couple months back) update #1: Not even ten minutes in and they already fucked up pretty much everything from the comics already.
10:45 - Not even 11 minutes and I can already tell Deadpool is going to be the best part of this movie.
17:53 - Okay, sure, Adamantium comes from space. Whatever.
25:56 - Young Stryker looks like he could be Dan Akroyds' douchey, jock brother.
26:47 - Wolverines girl is hot as hell. What is she, half-Japanese? Pausing for Googletime and hoping theres Maxim pics.
(3 minutes later) - SCORE!
Not even close to being Asian but I may be skewed by the comics once again. Okay unpause.
28:42 - Oh I get it. When she starts telling Native American folklore i'm supposed to realize she's Native American. Okay, i'll buy that.
29:42 - Umm, i'm about 99% sure Wolverines don't howl. Your silly folklore is flawed.
36:01 - I'm guessing the claws will grow back. That would hurt like a bitch though. At least they stuck with the bone claw bit.
38:08 - I feel like somebody spliced in a clip from Jurassic Park.
42:28 - Okay, the Adamantium Bonding was pretty cool.
43:28 - Actually there are suspicions that his body HAS ALWAYS been rejecting the Adamantium. It is theorized that his regenerative ability used to be much higher but was significantly slowed down after the Weapon X project because his body is constantly fighting the foreign object all over his body (aka a strange metal meshed with his bone). Take THAT, fancy movie military science medical guy.
47:38 - These CGI claws are fucking terrible. And disproportionate as all hell.
50:48 - Thats a sweet fucking jacket. I can't WAIT to get back to AZ and buy another bike.
51:41 - Oh god. I can already see where this is going. Somehow that war-copter is going to shoot missiles at the barn and somehow NOT damage the motorcycle.
51:53 - Yup. Also I just googled the Actor that plays Agent Zero (who i don't recall being Korean in the comics) who definitely IS Korean, but a Korean American who went back to Korea and spoke no Korean but now is a bigtime fucking movie star, in both countries. I hate my life.
52:12 - K, you can't bunny-hop with a cruiser-style bike on grassy hillsides, especially when you weigh at least a good 500lbs. (probaby a lot more) Also you can't outrun helicopters. OR get have the bike get shot with a 50-cal and not have it fall over LOL this movie is terrible!!!
56:26 - Wow, in every shitty action movie there is a "walking-away-from-an-explosion-without-any-worry-of-shrapnel-or-heat-repercussions-in-slow-motion" shot.
56:35 - "THE ONLY THING THAT WILL TAKE HIM DOWN IS AN ADAMANTIUM BULLET" BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA OF COURSE OF COURSE THAT MAKES SENSE THANKS FOR FUCKING RUINING WOLVERINE YOU FUCKING FUCKS MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE GIVEN THE ADAMANTIUM BULLET TO THE FUCKING KOREAN-AMERICAN GUN-KATA MASTER YOU SENT AFTER HIM YOU MILITARY STRATEGIST FUCKS
57:37 - Okay I calmed down sorry about that. Cyclops is in this I guess. Should be interesting to see how they tie this in and if they plan on having any sort of fluidity between this and the other movies/comics/any other universe of Wolverine and X-men ever in the history of Marvel. Jesus Christ, Stan, what have you done?
PS I only got to see Deadpool twice and i'm an hour in already, this sucks.
57:59 - Yeah just drive your motorcycle from Canada to Vegas. No problem. Oh great and a Black-Eyed-Pea.
1:01 - What the fuck is this? Some kind of a comic-relief boxing match? Plus Kevin Durand (the badass commando from LOST and other stuff i can't remember right now) is way too much of a badass to be putting in a fatsuit and giving him a hick-ass southern accent. He should be Sabretooth really, although Liev(sp?) is doing a pretty good job.
1:02 - I should have called that the claws would be coming through those gloves. I meant to, but forgot. I'm an honest guy baby, i'd never lie to you. So will you let me take you out Friday?
1:05 - Awwwwwshit I just heard Remy Lebeau mentioned! I forgot he was going to be in it till just now! Can they at least do Gambit justice??! CAN THEY?!
1:06 - The Black Eyed Pea is the token black guy sidekick. He's gonna die.
- LOL wtf? Yeah you can just drive from Canada to Vegas to Louisiana on a motorcycle with no gear. No problem.
1:07 - Gambit looks like a pimp. Like an actual pimp. Not the 50 Cent kind.
1:11 - Called the Black Eyed Pea getting killed. Not a hard prediction, just saying. Gambit got knocked out like a little bitch, then got onto a roof-top, then helicopter-bowstaffed to the ground below. No words.
1:20 - This is fucking retarded. This whole thing is retarded. I'm starting to get really tired which usually means less funny so if you want to stop now you can. This movie is beyond saving.
1:27 - This Deadpool thing doesn't even make sense. He looks like something out of a horror movie.
1:31 - Ah, yes, I forgot about the Adamantium bullets. Which don't even make sense because even if you shoot wolverine in the heart I'm pretty sure he'll still heal. Its not like its a super-advanced poison or something; in fact i'm almost positive the only way to kill Wolverine at this point is to physically remove one of his vital organs and wait for him to die (but would he just grow it back?), or remove his head. What i'm trying to say is, Logan has been stabbed in the chest before, even with the Adamantium skeleton. Why would an adamantium bullet make any difference?
1:32 - Oh. They just explained it to me. in about 15 seconds of dialogue. Well-played.
1:33 - AWWWWWSHIT ITS GAMBIT TO SAVE THE DAY!!!
1:34 - Snore bore lovescene. goddamn that chick is hot though.
1:35 - HEADSHOT
1:36 - Okay, even if i'm willing to accept she can influence people by touching them, she only touched his pants. How come that shit doesn't work for Rogue but it works for her? Terrible. So many inconsistencies.
1: 47 - Post-credits "Deadpool is still alive" action. What a shitty movie. Don't watch it.