Quote:
Originally Posted by Orgazmo
What's it like to fail?
Pics plz.
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In response to your question, to fail is not fun. Here are the pics. Apologies for the delay, I had to resize all of these fuckers so they wouldn't be too big.
Without further ado, my Secret Santa adventure:
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After a full inspection by the resident bomb-dog, the package was cleared for passage.
Upon opening, I was greeted with an enlightening note. After reading it, it was clear that I must find this Jesus fellow and give him what-for.
But first I was going to have to dig for him.
The gloves had me curious and slightly apprehensive. Perhaps I should wear them for safety whilst inspecting the contents. In the end, I decided not to.
The first of the gifts to be brought forth from the box was a ziploc bag containing a delightful collection of mid-90's basketball cards featuring the likes of Gary Payton, Clyde Drexler, Alonzo Mourning, Jason Kidd, Spud Webb, David Robinson, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Shaq, Luc Longley, and Michael Motherfucking Jordan (who, while being a God, is not Jesus).
Following the discovery of the basketball cards was this dvd "Miss Julie". I have never seen or heard of this movie, so I have no idea what to expect. Fingers crossed.
Next to catch my attention was this orange, smiling coin holder. The likes of which I recall getting at school carnivals and whatnot, and haven't seen for sometime....
that's when it happened, the Son of God presented himself to me when that orange smiling face opened his mouth wide, and I was filled with utter joy...my salvation had come. I had found Jesus, and it felt good. For this was no normal crucifix, oh no.
IT WAS A JESUS BLADE!! A holy device for providing the Lord's Wrath unexpectedly, Inquisition style. Honestly, this could've been the only thing in the box, and I probably would've been content. It replaced my usual pocketknife the moment I laid eyes on it, and it's resided in my pocket ever since. To top it off, etched in the back of this badass little fucker are the words "God Bestow", which makes it even cooler.
But this was not the end of this journey, oh no, there was more. Another ziploc bag containing a hodgepodge of assorted items.
Another coin thing, a finger puppet, a chicken keychain that shits an egg bubble when squeezed, a rubber stamp saying "Dog Lover", a "Drunk" belt buckle with built-in bottle opener, a Guinness keychain bottle opener, a piece of paper describing the Zodiac and corresponding birthstones for each sign, a tube of Pogs, which considering I spent a few of my formative elementary school years playing was an awesome surprise and also reminded me that I have to find and dust off some slammers and convert Pog to a drinking game. And lastly, a Green Pen, which states...
GREEN PEN IS GREEN.
Also, do not steal this pen. Thanks.
Ah shit. Its probably too late.
If you're reading this you most likely stole it.
You bastard.
Next we have two dvd sets, the first being Family Guy Volume 1 and 2, classic. The second being Beavis and Butthead Volume 1, which I was more pumped about. It's been too long since I've gotten high and cheesed out while watching some Beavis and Butthead.
A Hall Pass. I never though I'd see one of these again, and I'm not sure what to think of it, or what it'll be used for, but I'm sure I'll come up with something.
Robot Santa: The Further Adventures of Santa's Twin, by Dean Koontz. I didn't even know that Dean Koontz wrote children's books, but after going through this one, it's pretty sweet, and one that I'll probably end up reading to my spawn someday. I wouldn't be surprised if the artwork scares the shit out of him, but that's a risk that will have to be taken.
A huge Iron Man pen. Self-explanatory.
The whole take.
All in all, I'm pretty stoked about my gifts, and would like to thank my Secret Santa, who, according to my calculations (i.e. the address on the box.) is
Ninjaface.* Thank you for the gifts, I found Jesus thanks to you.
*If those calculations are wrong, then to whoever you are, manythanks.