DJ FC goes to Canada (Stripper Bitch-Slapping Ensues)

Summer semester ended on Wednesday and a couple friends and I decided to head up to Windsor, ON for the weekend to party and have fun. Three of us left Middlebury, IN on Friday. The other two will be referred to as ‘Zanny’ (who studies business at Miami of Ohio), and ‘Stoike’ (who studies business at the University of Western Michigan). Windsor, which is just across the river from Detroit, MI, is only about a 3 hour drive from Middlebury, IN. But as we were just entering Detroit, with ‘Welcome to Detroit City,’ playing on the radio, Zanny decided he needed to piss. So we take the first random exit – boy was this a bad idea. One moment we were on the safe freeway, the other we were in the worst ghetto I have ever seen. To put this into perspective, this street made Harlem, E. St. Louis, E. Dallas, and S. Chicago, all look tame. Nevertheless, we pull into a KFC to find the bathroom out of order (you had to be ‘buzzed’ into the bathroom and that was broken) and the workers were completely surrounded by bullet proof glass. I’ve seen this setup at gas stations before, but rarely ever at fast food restaurants. Everyone is staring at us. 3 well dressed white boys driving a nice GMC Envoy. We quickly got out, and drove around the block (which was nothing but abandoned buildings and liquor stores) to get back on the expressway.

We finally get to the bridge, stop in at the duty free store to buy some liquor, and head to our hotel in Canada. At the hotel we meet up with Zanny’s cousin, ‘Adam 1’ (who is working on his doctorate in organic chemistry at the University of Michigan), and his friend, ‘Adam 2,’ (who is a graduate student at Eastern Michigan University). We get ready, take a bunch of shots, and head out. The first bar we stop at was pretty shitty, but we decided that since we went there we might as well load up on cheap drinks and then go to the nicer clubs and bars. We order a round of jagerbombs only to discover that they are only $1.50 Canadian. We weren’t even looking for cheap drinks, but jagerbombs should cost 5-6 times that much, so we couldn’t resist the temptation to go overboard. After beers and shots and whatnot we hit the other clubs. The rest of the night is a blur of shots and drinks and dancing and everything. Gin and Tonics, Jack and Cokes, Jagerbombs, Beers, shots of Absolute, Kamikazes, we were getting out of hand. Adam 1 made it his mission to get Zanny and I as fucked up as humanly possible, and at that he succeeded.

Fast forward to later that night. I am completely blacked out. We go to Cheetahs Strip Club, convince the bouncers that we already paid the cover, and head on in. I begin puking my brains out on the carpet, completely unaware of what I am doing. I probably couldn’t have told you my name at this point. I quickly get kicked out for “ruining their brand new carpet.” So I’m on the street ralphing now. Zanny is in the club, withdrawing some cash from the bartender on his debit card. He hands Zanny a stack of 20s and a stripper runs up and grabs one from him. Zanny says to the stripper she can give him the 20 back or just dance for him… her choice. Stripper refuses. So Zanny calls the stripper a fucking bitch and the stripper hits him and his nose begins to bleed. At this, Adam 1 grabs the 20 from the bitch and Zanny winds up and bitch slaps the stripper so hard she is disorientated for a couple seconds. The bouncers didn’t even really care, but nobody felt like hanging around anymore, so we leave.

We’re at the hotel, I’m puking my brains out all over the place, Zanny and the Adams are about to pass out, but Stoike is still ready to party like a rock star. Stoike runs into some random guy and asks him for a beer. The guy replies that Stoike can have a beer so long as he drinks it with him. Stoike agrees. Stoike is introduced to a bunch of Lebanese guys from Toronto who owned a club, and the group of them stay up all night doing coke. Stoike makes it back to the hotel between 7-8 and has to get the security guard to let him in because we were all unresponsive.

Day 2

Zanny and Stoike get up early, about 10am, and head around town looking for a ‘massage parlor’ to get handjobs or blowjobs. They pay $60 and $80, only to find hideous nasty bitches with ugly ass teeth so they leave with no refund.

I wake up at 2pm – time to hit the casino. The 3 of us (the Adams left that morning) all sit down at a roulette table. I should have played poker instead, but I had far too big of a hangover. We lose some cash and leave the casino after a couple hours of being up and down like a roller coaster.

We meet up with some kids from Columbus, OH whom Zanny knows from Miami of OH. Later that night we hit the bars and clubs again. Stoike runs into a group of kids from Western – all of them frat guys, and he knew a couple of them. One of the frat guys started dancing with a girlfriend of another frat guy from a different house. All hell broke loose. The fight quickly made its way outside and onto the street, where somebody jumped on Stoike’s back. Stoike elbows him, then proceeds to beat the living shit out of him, before the police show up. Stoike is cuffed, read his rights, put in the back of a squad car, told he is going to “have a fun night” because he is an American, then released as quickly as he was apprehended.

Around this time, Zanny and I are in a different bar, Zanny looks at me and stumbles a little bit and says, “I’m fucking wasted.” A bouncer heard it, and kicked both of us out.

Also around this time, one of Zanny’s friends from Columbus is pushed down in a club and is furious. Outside on the street, he runs into the kid again, punches him in the face, knocks him down, and proceeds to beat him up a little before leaving. In the morning, he would admit that it really wasn’t the same kid who knocked him down in the club, just some poor sucker who looked like the kid in the club.

Zanny and a couple kids go back into the strip club from the night before, the strippers all recognize Zanny, but they are impressed and want to hear his story about why he hit the bitch. Apparently that stripper wasn’t too well liked in that club.

Meanwhile, I’m outside and I see a fight break out between two random people. It gets broken up after one kid beats up the other, and I’m in amazement at how often these random fights occur. I say this to another kid, who lives in Windsor, and he claims it happens all of the time. I now believe him. Not 10 minutes later, a bunch of dudes roll up in a Cadillac with Ontario plates, get out and start shit with some guys. They beat up a single guy, surround him and start kicking the living shit out of him. This was straight out of a Hollywood movie type shit. They start walking away, and as they leave, they scream “Welcome to Canada, motherfucker!” I was in awe.

The next morning, Stoike suggest we all get a beer before we go (Zanny and Stoike are not yet 21 so they can’t drink in the States) so we agree and head to one of the bars we were at the night before. One beer turns into Zanny and Stoike getting trashed, me now being designated as the DD, and the waitress inviting us to her house party. Unfortunately we had to leave, so I get out the Envoy and head for the border. Appropriately for this long trip, the last thing we did in Canada, was get pulled over for making an illegal turn. Fucking Mounties. They let me go with just a warning. We left Canada, and I don’t think we are welcome there ever again.

[ August 15, 2005, 08:11 PM: Message edited by: DJ FC ]

[Zanny]

Thats about right, but the stripper thing is a little off. The bitch stole the 20 out of my hand. So i went up to here and was acting all smooth (in my mind anyways). So i was like hey babe, you want to dance for it. She said no, so i said give me my fucking 20 back you bitch. She then punched me so hard that my nose started to bleed. So i wound up and bitch slapped her so hard she almost fell off her stole. She then freaked out and started to try to claw my eyes out. My cousin "Adam 1" then jumped on teh bitch and was holding her back. The bouncers walked me outside and gave me a towel to wipe away all the blood, i was then able to meet up with chad who at this point was jsut sittin on the side of the street puking. I love the True North Strong and Free

[ur my bitch]

you guys are ok in my book. going to Canada, representin, bitch slappin and underage drinking.

nice job fellas

[img]graemlins/chinaman.gif[/img]

[MAGICLIT]

I wanna drive to Canada when I get to Muncie w/ you FC, you party animal you.

[Beebs]

Wow, sounds far crazier than last time.

[StabMaster Arson]

I'll be in windsor this coming weekend. Now I've got kill a hooker just to one up the stripper slap.

Try to remember everything you do, especially if you kill a hooker, and make a post about it. If your trip is even half as crazy as ours was it will be very fun.

[theMerciless1]

sweet stuff DJ, props.

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

that kicks last years story in the ass, very impressive.

Originally posted by StabMaster Arson:
Now I've got kill a hooker just to one up the stripper slap.

i can't get it up unless i kill the hooker first

[Deadly Crescent Kick]

now that's a proper story!

that adventure is wayne-esque