Howard Stern

[Orgazmo]

Howard Stern is a legend. An absolute legend. In this thread, I'll try to shed some light on the man, provide insight into his show, and share bits of genius that come from his doing.

When I was a wee tot, Stabmaster introduced me to his show that aired on the E! channel. While I probably didn't understand much of what was going on, the fact that there was a dude getting chicks naked was enough to pique my interest. Combine with that his humor and I began to love the guy. Unfortunately, that show went away after awhile and I forgot about Mr Stern. And then, about three and a half years ago, I randomly found a pirated stream of his shows. Between the E! show and that time, he had left terrestrial radio for Sirius (now SiriusXM). It didn't take much listening to realize the guy was still great and his show had only improved in the time since my last listening. Since that time, I've made an effort to listen to his show every morning for as much as I can. When I had a 9-5, that meant hearing ~70% of his show (which is replayed all day long, airs original content Monday-Thursday when they're not on vacation, and lasts ~5 hours). When I got laid off a year and a half ago and started working from home, a lack of having to deal with shitty meetings bumped that number up to ~90%.

For starters, unless you listen to his show, I'd wager to say that Howard isn't the guy you think he is. Due to the way he made a name for himself, most automatically think of the guy as a raunchy, line-pushing, always-looking-to-shock type of guy. That may have been true of his show as it was starting, but it's not accurate at all for the current setup. In fact, there's a bit on the show where Sal (we'll get to the cast in a bit) goes to the street and asks random people, "Who is worse, Howard Stern or XYZ" where XYZ is the name of a vile thing. Ones that come to mind off the top of my head include Mel Gibson, Roman Polanski, and Bed Bugs. I think he tied with Bed Bugs and lost to the other two.

The reality is that he's not like that at all anymore. He's very laid back (unless fucked with), isn't too into the sex stuff (sure, porn stars will come on and ride the Sybian from time to time, but it's not even close to being the driving force of the show), and is just a regular guy (as regular as a guy making ~$100 million/year can be, at least). The guy's passions include playing chess and watching comic book movies. And putting up with adopted animals that his wife brings home.

As mentioned, the show isn't about the naked chicks. Sure, they're there...but, even when they are, it's not about their tits nearly as much as their mind. Howard has a way of relating to nearly any guest and asking them the exact right questions that get them to open up and expand on their psyche. Because of this, virtually any guest can be a great interview simply because he can zero in on whatever makes that person interesting.

This uncanny ability to delve deep into a person's mind and mannerisms makes his best guests people who aren't famous but, instead, are interesting. There is a group of folks that are "interesting," odd, and regular guests called the "Wack Pack." While the group has existed for a very long time, membership has varied through the ages as members have gone their separate ways or died and as new talent has been discovered and added. The members, past and present, include folks like drunken dwarves (Hank The Angry Drunken Dwarf, probably the best wack packer of all time, RIP), crack heads (Crackhead Bob), retards (Gary the Retard, Wendy the Retard, and countless others that are perhaps borderline...the best is when these people talk to one another, disagree about what color is the best, and start calling each other "Retard"), and angry midgets (Eric the Midget, the best current Wack Packer imo...a 30something year old man who is as angry and bitter as you'll ever find).

The subject doesn't even have to be completely off-the-wall to be interesting, though. Howard has been called the inventor of Reality TV. The reason is that, since the beginning of his show, he's focused on the lives of both the on-air talent as well as all other workers that help out. While most radio shows would have a couple of on-air people, his show literally has 30 personalities, each of which has their own storyline, their own inside jokes, and various items that make them unique. A short list of the cast includes:

Howard: Main host obv, mildly eccentric, completely paranoid, bitches a lot about everything

Robin: Cohost, black woman that used to weigh close to 300 lbs, became a vegan and gets regular enemas now and is pretty thin, about to run a marathon, very egomaniacal, got a breast reduction awhile ago but they have since grown back to be size G

Fred: Sound effects man, rarely chimes in with wisdom but instead talks through hilariously appropriate sound drops, perhaps a genius (there's a game called 'Win Fred's Money' that is a simple 7 question test where he'll face anyone for cash. If they win, they get $1k or something, if he wins the challenger's collateral (wife/daughter/friend) has to get naked

Benjy: Joke writer that sits in studio, weird as fuck

Artie: Comedian who formerly sat in on the show, [former?] heroin addict, led to some fantastic content last year when he would do things like fall asleep on the show while claiming to be off heroin, Dr Drew actually called him a liar to his face while he proclaimed he was clean, Artie replies, "I'll take a piss test right now!", Drew replies, "That won't solve anything. You probably have piss hidden in your jacket pocket." He later admitted that he did, indeed, have piss hidden in his jacket. He's no longer on the show due to trying to kill himself almost a year ago (stabbed himself in the stomach multiple times with a chef's knife). He's supposedly doing much better now, but Howard fears what will happen if he comes back.

Gary Dell'abate: Producer of the show, looks like an ape, used to look like exactly like John Oates, gets belittled nearly constantly, very valuable to the show, just wrote a book

Sal: Joke Writer/Prank Caller who work in the background making content. He has big issues at home with his wife. He found out a couple years ago that she had an "emotional friend" who was a dude she worked with. He found texts back and forth from them signed "143" which he later found out means "I love you". This is now a running joke.

Richard: Works alongside Sal, used to be the grossest human alive, now he's just pretty gross. He's a death metal drummer that has worked with some big bands. His favorite band is Coheed and Cambria and, when he does to a concert of theirs, he oftentimes wears an adult diaper so he can drink beer and piss without having to go to the bathroom. Oftentimes gets kicked out of "all you can eat breakfast" places because he drinks 15+ mimosas.

Richard and Sal actually tied for the win for a "win a job on the howard stern show" contest awhile ago. Fans applied for jobs by just being funny. They were both awarded the win and, as such, are now best friends who work together. They often do some pretty gay shit together which has led some to speculate that they fuck. They deny it vehemently.

...and there are countless other more minor people that work on the show, each one with their own story that will pop up every couple of months.

When Howard signed with Sirius, he signed a 5 year deal. Unfortunately, that deal will end at the end of this year. As of now, there's no official resigning deal and he refuses to confirm anything, but he has confirmed that his show will continue regardless of what happens here. He's hinted that he may make his own podcasting platorm of some type.

There are an incredible amount of stories and bits that the show has done that I could post. As these things come to me or as they air, I'll use this thread to share them. Alternately, if any of you have any questions about anything, I'll be happy to shed some light.

[Orgazmo]

This is an old clip of Gary the Retard fighting Richard Christy as 'The Flu'

YouTube - Gary the Retard Fights The Flu

YouTube - Gary the Retard Fights The Flu

[Mr. Blonde]

I have never (not once) been interested in watching this show until this write up. Please continue to post clips (if you could, of some of the things below, namely the angry midgets/retards and soundbite drops) and you will be showered with warm golden piss reps.

[Orgazmo]

A bit more info: It's a radio show first and foremost. That always has been the bread and butter. Here and there, though, he has had television opportunities. The E! channel shit that I mentioned before is an example of this. Currently, he has "Howard TV", but it is a subscription based service through OnDemand that is only available in certain cable markets, so I'm unable to partake.

There's just so god damned much stuff that can be posted. I'll start with Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf.

Hank was a regular back during the E! days. He would come into the show normally with a 2 liter jug of straight vodka. Though he was like 4 feet tall, the guy would pound the vodka and be fine (save for the fact that everything he did was very slow). He got along very well with Howard, but would fight with almost any other guests that happened to be on the show and, even moreso, any callers that would talk to him. His go to line was, "Go have sex with XYZ" where XYZ was something crafty like "Your Mother," "Yourself," or "Jesus Christ." It was learned after a few appearances that Hank had a tremendous knowledge of rock and roll history.

YouTube - Hank 3

YouTube - Hank 3

One of Hank's greatest stunts that I recall happened when Howard dressed him up in a Bunny outfit and had him to terrorize David Blaine. At the time, Blaine was doing a stunt where he was encased in a block of ice in Times Square. He held signed up saying shit like, "The ice is fake" and other stuff that I can't remember off the top of my head. Eventually, David asked the security guards to let Hank closer so he could touch the ice to verify its authenticity (David had been on the show many times before that and though this was all funny).

Unfortunately for the world, Hank died on Sept 4, 2001.

YouTube - Hank The Angry Drunken Dwarf Home Movies

YouTube - Hank The Angry Drunken Dwarf Home Movies

[Ironic Mustache]

Wow I'm really surprised Beetlejuice's hijinx haven't found there way onto this thread yet. He's another (former?) member of the wack pack and is one of my all time favorites.





I can't properly explain why he's funny, you just have to see him. I'll look for some good videos later.

[Orgazmo]

Fantastic addition, IM. Beetlejuice is one crazy motherfucker. He is 42 year old current Wack Packer (he's been on the show not too terribly long ago) that joined the show in 1999.

As you can see by IM's pictures, he is a black midget who is (at least borderline) retarded. He has a major attitude problem and never tells the truth. About anything. Ever.

It's tough to say if he's intentionally lying or if he believes the things he says.

Example of the way a conversation with Beetle may go:
Howard: Hey Beet, what's up man?
Beet: Oh nothin man you know just bangin hoes and bitches all night.
Howard: Oh yeah? How many chicks did you have last night?
Beet: Oh you know man, not any last night, I had to get to bed early to get here.
Howard: You didn't have any women last night?
Beet: Who me? Of course I had women last night! I fucked four women last night, man.
Howard: Four women in one night??
Beet: Me? Ya man, that's nothin', man. Just last night I fucked two women at the same time.

Much like Hank...and many of the other Wack Packers...Beetlejuice doesn't get along with any other Wack Packers (it's like they all think the others are beneath them). This leads to some epic battles.

Here's a Hank v Beet sample clip from 2000:

YouTube - Howard Stern - Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf and Beetlejuice (Part I)

YouTube - Howard Stern - Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf and Beetlejuice (Part I)

This video shows quintessential Hank vs quintessential Beet:
Beet: A thousand dollars? I have a thousand dollar parrot.
Hank: AND I'LL BET YOU HAVE SEX WITH IT!

And a Beetlejuice tribute with many good moments. It includes cameos from Gary the Retard (1:50 & 7:55). Also many great Artie fight moments (Artie would always fuck with Beet getting some great content out of him). This video will show you the inner core of Beetlejuice:

YouTube - Beetlejuice Tribute (VERY FUNNY)

YouTube - Beetlejuice Tribute (VERY FUNNY)

I believe Beetle currently makes money by renting himself out to parties of people who wish to have a midget toss. You can purchase him at http://www.jollydwarf.com/Home.html

[Ironic Mustache]

I haven't had a chance to watch the videos yet so I apologize if there is on there, but this is from his wikipedia page:

During an interview on January 17th 2001 with The Howard Stern Show, Beetlejuice claimed that he was working on a book called "Sellin Tappi-gyubbi". Howard asked Beetle what "Sellin Tappi-gyubbi" is, Beet's response was "It's a sappin boobie". Hank the Dwarf, who was also in this interview, asked Beetle "What do you have like 5 hits on your website?" Beetle confidently responded with, "I got like 20 hits on there". Howard then asked Beetle if there is any chance that "Sappi doobie" will be made into a movie, Hank quickly followed up with "When you do a movie, what does it take like 500 takes to do a line?" Beetle quickly responded, "A line!! It takes me like 250 lines in one time!"

I think it's important to note that Beetle almost always responds at least 3 times per conversation with, "who me?" regardless of the fact that he may be the only guest.

[Orgazmo]

With a cast as vast as the Stern Show has, it'd be difficult for me to cover absolutely everyone. That in mind, I'm going to jump around. In today's edition, I'll be covering Riley Martin, a current Wack Packer.

Riley is a 54 year old black man who seems to be completely insane. He speaks in a manner that can be heard nowhere else. The source of his insanity comes with his self-described multiple alien contacts that he has had. He claims to have a relationship with these beings and to know their inner workings. He also sells "patches" which he claims will be the source of salvation once aliens invade the planet. While I'm a little foggy on the details, I believe he says that alien motherships will soon take over the planet and, when they do, they will only let on those that possess his patches. Those without will be enslaved or killed.

His patches seem to be self-made, circular scraps of paper with patterns drawn on them. I believe he sells them for ~$50.



Riley bitches constantly about Howard being a multimillionaire and Riley being below the poverty line. He claims that the millions of listeners to Howard's show are due in large part to his [Riley's] addition to the show. Howard eventually gave Riley his own radio show on his channels (Howard has two full 24/7 channels on Sirius). The show airs twice a week and I believe he is paid $500 per show, a wage which he is furious about.

He was fired from his show earlier this year. It turns out he was selling advertisements on his show...himself. In other words, in addition to the advertisements that Sirius was doing, Riley was soliciting businesses to pay him directly. Because he refused to admit that this wasn't an acceptable practice. they fired him. He was eventually rehired after an on-air session with a psychiatrist Dr. Keith Ablow, who cleared him mentally (somehow).

Also, he oftentimes airs his show in a very inebriated state...to the point where he cannot talk and/or dozes off. Confrontations after these occurrences lead to him claiming that he was suffering from "food poisoning" during the show. He's even apologized in the middle of slurred speech before for the food poisoning.

Here is a video that gives a good introduction to Riley (Him talking about money, my personal favorite aspect of him, begins around 6:25)

YouTube - The best of Riley martin

YouTube - The best of Riley martin

Riley's seriousness and unique insight makes him a great target for prank telephone calls.

Evil Dave Letterman (show friend who sounds exactly like David Letterman) calling Riley:

YouTube - Evil Dave Letterman Calls Riley Martin

YouTube - Evil Dave Letterman Calls Riley Martin

And different "aliens" calling Riley (these are top prank calls of all time imo...the first is Sal & Richard, the second is Wendy the Retard, and the third is a gentleman named Wood Yi who talks in a creepy, fast voice and says very gay things. He has since passed away.):

YouTube - Howard Stern Prank Alien Calls

YouTube - Howard Stern Prank Alien Calls

Using Riley's voice to make a prank call to a random guy:

YouTube - Riley Martin Phony Phone Call (Howard Stern)

YouTube - Riley Martin Phony Phone Call (Howard Stern)

[Cocktooth]

I always grew up watching Stern on E! Only when my parents toke me out to the west coast would I get to listen to his live show in the mornings. I remember listening to Mancow up this way on 96.3, and thinking this guy isn't close to Stern. I was correct.

Some of you know that I'm a 9-11 nut job. I collect anything and everything I find that's 9-11. Stern's 9-11 show is incredible. Between Stern knowing exactly what is going on the second the first plane hit, to the reaction of callers, it was a masterpiece. Here is the link where you can download the Torrent. If you are sitting around and have a couple hours to spare, you will really enjoy this listen.

Howard Stern Show 9-11-01 WTC attack (download torrent) - TPB

I've recently gotten back into the Stern show. My drive to work is now and hour and 20 minutes, and without his morning show, it would be brutal. You guys have pretty much touched on everything I was going to say. I'll continue to add daily with things that are done on the show the days I get to listen.

[Ironic Mustache]

I couldn't really find any videos, but Bigfoot is another great character of note it is.

I'm having trouble finding info on because there's an actual actor named Matthew McGrory that is much more famous and AKA Bigfoot, and has also made appearance on Howard Stern. The Bigfoot I'm talking about though is way funnier. I think he's retarded, but this isn't confirmed. He has a ridiculously deep voice and over uses the words, "it is" after just about every other sentence it is. No one really knows why. There are several audio only "videos," but they just aren't the same without the visuals.

The other character I was going to mention is High Pitch Eric who is a grown man with the voice of a 7 year old. I don't think he's retarded, but is extremely akward. He has a weird phobia of fish, which of course the cast uses to their advantage constantly. Any time there's one around (dead or not) he starts screaming in his 7 year old voice and running around trying to get away from it. It's fantastic.

[Orgazmo]

Fantastic additions. As you mentioned, Matthew McGrory was the original Bigfoot as he was a friend of the show. He's the dude that played the giant in Big Fish. He's dead now.

After his death, the current Bigfoot appeared and quickly gained a spot in the Wack Pack. He also goes by "Mark Jr.". And yes, I do believe he's retarded. His speech is so unintelligible that they have based numerous games off of it (Like "Bigfoot Password"...where they play Password (game show) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia with Bigfoot as one of the teammates).

Bigfoot is a vile human being in that he lives in terrible conditions. There have been reports in the last year that the town he lives in is trying to get him to leave. I guess he has threatened some people or something...not entirely sure.

Here's an audio-only (with a picture of Bigfoot) of Richard and Sal prank calling Bigfoot with a Little Lupe (porn star that looks like she's 15) soundboard:

YouTube - 04/19/10 - Little Lupe calls Bigfoot - The Howard Stern Show

YouTube - 04/19/10 - Little Lupe calls Bigfoot - The Howard Stern Show

---

High Pitch is another great, long-standing Wack Packer. He was a bit of an enigma up until recently as to whether or not he is retarded or a genius. While he acts like a complete moron, he also has the hidden talent of scamming people out of money. Sure, worthless people do this all the time, but he was almost too good at it.

The reason I say "until recently" is that they conducted an IQ test of many staffers and Wack Packers and revealed the results a few weeks back. It turns out High Pitch has an IQ of 66, just 5 points higher than Wendy the Retard.

With his very high pitched voice, High Pitch has had many legendary prank calls. The two that come to mind first include a call to a pharmacy about "Twat Cream":

YouTube - Prank Call - Twat Cream

YouTube - Prank Call - Twat Cream

and a call where he reached out to Eric The Midget (perhaps the most famous current Wack Packer and a gigantic American Idol fan...he'll have a large entry sometime) and pretends to be Kelly Clarkson:

YouTube - The Howard Stern Show - Eric the Midget and High Pitch

YouTube - The Howard Stern Show - Eric the Midget and High Pitch

This video breeded a legendary show line, "Who's High Pitch? This is Kelly Claaaaaaaarkson".

Speaking more on High Pitch's criminal record, he has left numerous threatening voicemail messages for various people. Not just slight threats, either. The most recent one I can think of he talks about plunging a knife into a woman's heart. I can't find that one, but here's one:

YouTube - High pitch Eric Death threat calls kid nap threats movie

YouTube - High pitch Eric Death threat calls kid nap threats movie

This past baseball season, Eric got a job at Yankee Stadium working outside of a bar inside the stadium pouring people's drinks from glass cups into plastic cups before they exited the area.

[Ironic Mustache]

Originally Posted by Orgazmo

Here's an audio-only (with a picture of Bigfoot) of Richard and Sal prank calling Bigfoot with a Little Lupe (porn star that looks like she's 15) soundboard:

She's also my avatar.

LOL. "Im'na fuck you like wild aminal it is. Im'na lick yer gina it is. You want me to lick yer cunt? I'll even like yer asshole I will."

[Cocktooth]

A small sound bit on his show today reminded me of this. Tracy Morgan sound board prank call.

YouTube - Tracy Morgan Phone Call # 2 - Howard Stern show

YouTube - Tracy Morgan Phone Call # 2 - Howard Stern show

[Cocktooth]

Howard signs on for 5 more years!!! Not surprising. I would suggest listening to the fake announcement on Saul when he comes in late!! Hilarious.

[Orgazmo]

Ho lee shit...the Sal fake announcement was the funniest thing I have ever heard on the Howard Stern show. No contest. Wow.

[Cocktooth]

I was in tears driving to work. For awhile, I started feeling really sorry for the guy, like this is enough. Then the way he broke it to him was pure genious!!!! Glad I didn't buy my new Onyx for no reason! If he wasn't coming back, I probably wouldn't have resubscribed. Now, I wonder if we are going to get Bubba back?

[Orgazmo]

I haven't listened to Bubba in a very long time...but I'll bet dicks to dollars he follows Howard. He always follows Howard. He may huff and puff a bit, but, in the end, he'll be on Howard 101.

[Cocktooth]

I hope so. I don't think I'm a true blood red neck, but I do like about 40% of his shit!

[Orgazmo]

The Sal clip is below. Some backstory: Howard announced at the beginning of his show that he re-signed for 5 more years. Sal was late to work because he got drunk last night, though. Because of this, he missed the announcement.

To punish him, he told everyone to go along with his new [fake] announcement, called a lot of people (Sal included) into the room, and proceeded to tell everyone that, as of next week, they'd need to find new jobs.

YouTube - howard stern announcement 12 9 10 (sal version)

YouTube - howard stern announcement 12 9 10 (sal version)

[Ironic Mustache]

Sal would have had me in tears had I not known about all the horrible, horrible shit he's done with Richard.

[Cocktooth]

If anyone gets the chance, on Howard 101 right now, they are playing the 9-11-2001 show. It's incredible. I listened to it this AM and loved the extra commentary as well. Take a listen.

[Orgazmo]

Or, if you don't have Sirius or a time machine to go back to when Shaw made that post:

The original interruption:

YouTube - 9/11 howard stern show interuption pt.1

YouTube - 9/11 howard stern show interuption pt.1

The Coverage:

YouTube - Howard Stern 9/11/01 Live Radio Broadcast Part 1of 5

YouTube - Howard Stern 9/11/01 Live Radio Broadcast Part 1of 5

YouTube - Howard Stern 9/11/01 Live Radio Broadcast Part 2 of 5

YouTube - Howard Stern 9/11/01 Live Radio Broadcast Part 2 of 5

YouTube - Howard Stern 9/11/01 Live Radio Broadcast Part 3 of 5

YouTube - Howard Stern 9/11/01 Live Radio Broadcast Part 3 of 5

YouTube - Howard Stern 9/11/01 Live Radio Broadcast Part 4 of 5

YouTube - Howard Stern 9/11/01 Live Radio Broadcast Part 4 of 5

YouTube - Howard Stern 9/11/01 Live Radio Broadcast Part 5 of 5

YouTube - Howard Stern 9/11/01 Live Radio Broadcast Part 5 of 5

[Ugly Bastard]

9/11 fascinates the hell out of me. I think you could make a career out of examining the sociological consequences 9/11 has had on the lives of average Americans (and I'm sure there are people who have). It's amazing to think about the consequences that one incident had on all of our lives. A "How Did 9/11 Affect Your Life?" thread might be interesting. In my case, I was a senior in high school exploring the possibility of a career as an airline pilot. After 9/11, that didn't seem like a viable career choice (looking back, it probably would have been fine if I wanted it badly enough), so I decided to go to Ball State rather than Purdue where I wandered aimlessly and started playing online poker. Obviously my life is entirely different as a result.

[Mr. Blonde]

Didn't really affect me at all off the top of my head.

[Saint DH]

My game was canceled and rescheduled for the following night...and that's where its affect ends for me.