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Not sure why the fuck some of the picture just all of a sudden stopped working. Bastards. Anyway...
Ugly Bastard and Orgazmo convened this late afternoon/early evening in hopes of coming up with an activity. With nothing a'breast, plans looked more than a little dismal. The idea of making a photo journal sounded fair. With Nubblies in the back of each members' mind, the idea of hunting roadkill was proposed by Orgazmo. Both agreed that it far out shadowed other ideas that had been fisted around, and, without much hesitation, it was made so. On the evening of May 25, 2003, two young roadkill hunters set forth on the roads of Warsaw and adjoining Winona Lake in hopes of landing some of the best pancaked pieces of flesh that any human eye has ever graced. Following is what ensued. ____________________________________________ The Departure - 7:17 pm As stated previously, the two eager hunters departed from the place of rendezvous and headed to retrieve supplies. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2306.JPG Fetching Supplies - 7:25 pm The two entered a roadkill hunter's paradise, K-Mart. They both rushed to the office supply area where eyes were pealed for high-quality clipboards. Of course, one was immediately fisted from the shelves. Smiles were a'plenty when the 1.19 price tag was seen. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2307.JPG After picking up this prime piece, the duo moved forward in hopes of landing a tool for broad prodding. Ugly Bastard threw around the idea of netting a spatula whilst Orgazmo was more in favor of a bamboo dowel. Due to the fact that the spatula was a much better idea...and the dowels were simply nowhere to be found, the two settled with the initial proposal. Of course, the idea of picking up a nice set of tongs or a solid grilling fork was kicked around...but, with the solid state of mind always a'bundant, they realized that they were out of control. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2308.JPG [This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited May 26, 2003).] [ February 03, 2004, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: Orgazmo ] |
The self-checkout was utilized for speed purposes (and to eliminate any possible questions that may or may not have arisen from the cashier), and the two left quickly upon their steed.
http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2321.JPG The Living Reciprocal - 7:44 pm On a trip to a known roadkill hotspot, the two investigators stumbled upon two living specimen of vitality. Witnessing their beauty and wonder, the two could only imagine how the creatures would look dead...on the side of the road. At this moment, it was said that the ultimate goal of the trip would be to find a dead deer. Of course, neither thought that it would actually happen...but it's always nice to have goals. Without delay, they snapped a picture of said specimen. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2312.JPG Louie the Opossum - 7:49 pm The roadkill hotspot immediately produced a fine piece of hardly recognizable filth, Louie the Opossum. Upon Winona Beach Drive, the once-creature was stumbled upon. At the occurrence of discovery, a few photos were snapped. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2313.JPG Louie used to be a fun guy. Louie was the guy that would always come up to you at the party, the guy that you wouldn't have to approach for a good laugh. Now, as you can see, he is one tractor-trailer away from being dust. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2314.JPG Carelessness behind the wheel has turned this once-lovable character into a simple pile of scraps. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2328.JPG In honor of this creature of God, we decided that he should be raised above the gravel that took his life. The spatula was used. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2330.JPG After Orgazmo took a crack at honoring this fallen soldier, Ugly Bastard decided to try his hand at the lost art. He proved to be quite good at it, as he actually summoned the spirit of the creature. This is the cause of the clouding of the picture. [This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited May 26, 2003).] |
http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2333.JPG
The blood from Tyrone's ear makes clear some of his habits while still breathing. The moist ear, as always, is a strong indicator of his drug habit. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2334.JPG To show their disgust, the duo decided to flip Tyrone with the spatula. Everyone knows that you can't get into heaven when you are upside down. Now who's laughing, Tyrone? Molly the Deer - 8:29 pm After making a mockery of Tyrone's corpse, the trip continued in search of the elusive deer body. Luckily, fate was on the side of the pair on this evening, as, not long after departing from Tyrone's sepulcher, Molly was found. Molly was a reasonable wife and mother in her days alive. Unfortunately, much like Louie, her time was cut short by a wayward motorist. Much unlike Louie, Molly's fate was met on Old US 30. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2335.JPG Molly's dimly lit corpse shines through he dark night. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2336.JPG Orgazmo sends his condolences to Molly and her family through the mournful "thumbs up". http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2338.JPG Molly's exuberant cheer & charm shows through...even in death. The way her tongue sticks out of the side of her mouth is really just a testament to how fun she was in her better days. God bless you, Molly, God bless you and your poor poor bastard children. [This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited May 26, 2003).] |
Tyrone the Raccoon - 8:11 pm
After the memorial at Louie's grave, the two traveled aimlessly through various hotspots. About to give up hope on their long trek down the path called Wooster Road, the eagle eye of Ugly Bastard spotted a gem. Tyrone the Raccoon was a freshly dead piece of slop. His presence on earth was clearly demonstrated by his ill-tempered positioning, as evident in the photographs. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2332.JPG Tyrone really had a distasteful personality. He spent his days stealing other people's bikes and selling narcotics. It really was a pleasure to see Tyrone's life slip away. [This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited May 26, 2003).] |
The Devil's Backbone Incident - 9:17 pm - 9:38 pm
After seeing Pete, the journey continued through the treacherous stretch of road that Rufus knows well...Devil's Backbone. The two moved slowly through the turns in hopes of spotting the big one. As luck would have it, the Big One was actually found quite a few times. A second, and even third pass through was necessary to ascertain exactly what the backbone held for the hunters. After the aforementioned, the steed was parked at a farmhouse and the two continued on foot. Tom the Unknown Species #2 Tom was found simply by the light provided from the cars passing from behind. Chance played quite a role in Tom's discovery. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2343.JPG Honestly...the two really have no clue what this could possibly be. The facts: It is bleeding. That's it. If you have any information as to this object's identity, please contact either of the investigators immediately. Harry the Highway Reflector The two really were out of control at one point in the journey. Their inability to keep a cool head coupled with the road's inability to be lit up at all left a picture of what really isn't roadkill a'tall. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2348.JPG Raymond the Deer Raymond was found via the second pass through the backbone. He was one of the reasons for risking the lives of the two explorers. Perhaps it was the curvature of the road. Perhaps it was alcohol. Perhaps it was simply God's will. Whatever it may be, Raymond received the bull's horn. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2351.JPG Raymond lies desolate amongst his new friends: a collection of weeds. [This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited May 26, 2003).] |
Pete the Possible Opossum (Unknown Species #1) - 8:59 pm
Moving onward, a reasonably unorganized pile of fur and bones was found on US 25. There really isn't too much to say about a guy like Pete...other than that, in his current state, he is more "dust" than "not dust." http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2341.JPG Due to Pete's inability to hold a shape, a spatula was used to transport him to the side of the road for closer examination. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2344.JPG As was said previously...your guess is as good as any as to what Pete actually is... http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2346.JPG Here are some of Pete's intestines to help you solve the puzzle. [This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited May 26, 2003).] |
Kim the Raccoon
Kim, first thought to be a bear, turned out to be a freshly-struck raccoon. Like Raymond, she was a vital factor in the two's pilgrimage through the backbone. Kim, a well-respected politician pre-mortem has been reduced to a reasonably bloated pile of scrap. Her charm, vigor, and refusal to be submissive to the male gender all helped to make Kim's passing especially difficult for a great number of folks. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2357.JPG Kim, always one to smile for a photo, does her best even after death. Doug the Splatter There really wasn't much to Doug's poor, simple life. Alcoholism and sexual promiscuity led Doug down a very dark path. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/May25%2358.JPG Even in death, Doug retains his inability to keep himself together. ____________________________________________ All in all, reflection tells us that the night was a complete success. What started as quite doubtful ended as quite a piece of work. After completing the conquest, the two made a few small errands. Because Ugly Bastard received some feminine products in the mail, he decided to seek a bit of revenge on an offending party. Let's just say that one of you may or may not find a spatula in your mailbox tomorrow morning... -Orgazmo and Ugly Bastard [This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited May 26, 2003).] |
God bless you both.
Blessinfuckeed. I really will miss Molly... she was quite the M.I.L.F. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orgazmo: Orgazmo sends his condolences to Molly and her family through the mournful "thumbs up".<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yeah, that cracked the shit out of me right there. Nice touch. |
Why would Ugly receive feminine products in the mail?
It looks as though you guys had quite the night. If you had to pick on piece of roadkill to be your favorite. Who would it be? |
I was a real big fan of Doug myself.
-Ugly Bastard |
I'm in Doug's fanclub as well, and, of course, Molly was a shining star...but, believe it or not, Tyrone frosted my cupcake.
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What can we expect for the next photojournal?
[This message has been edited by Mantra (edited May 26, 2003).] |
That's something that you're going to have to wait to see...
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judging by the pictures of Pete the possible opossum, I'd like to shed some light. Pete is, indeed, an opossum, but not just any opossum, Pete was my friend. Pete rose from his impoverished upbringing in Warsaw's unforgiving NorthEast side to enjoy success as a door to door salesman of fine cosmetics. Before this, during his short tenure at Tippy Valley highschool I met Pete upon the soccer field. Pete played with an unmatched intesity and led his team to a close victory over us. Not wanting to party with a bunch of losers following the grueling match, I joined Pistol Pete, as he was known, and his comrades at a gala event hosted by Pete's grandmother. Soon after that party, I realized that Pete was my hetero-lifemate and we quickly became inseperable. Pete and I were together almost all the time after that. After highschool, we attended IUSB, so we rented a loft together. That loft saw the best of times between us, we'd stay up late at night mainlining drain-o and sharing taiwanese hookers... we had this little move we'd do where we'd put her on all fours and join hands over her back, we called it the bridge. Anyway, shortly after college, we slowly drifted apart. Pete ended up marrying one of those hookers and fathered 2 children, Chang and Jamal. I had always wondered how the years were treating Pete, I guess now I know. It is a sad day friends... please say a prayer for Pete.
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orgazmo:
Let's just say that one of you may or may not find a spatula in your mailbox tomorrow morning... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You know, for some odd reason, I am extremely sure that you are right. But I myself, must say I will not be finding one... [This message has been edited by Pliedes (edited May 26, 2003).] |
This is good stuff, I'm going to Canada this summer, I'll try to find an Elk or something to put on here!!
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Roadkilling II: Something Smells Like Shit
Roadkilling II was held yesterday, Sunday June 15th, 2003. It was a mildly breezy, token afternoon when the two roadkill hunters set out to find some roadkill. The two set off in the official roadkill mobile: http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2303.JPG Both hunters seem to agree that the early 90's Taurus line seems to induce the best atmosphere for the hunting of the deceased. The evening started off on a rather discouraging note. The hunters found several living animals, unfortunately these aren't the types of animals they hunt. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2305.JPG http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2306.JPG http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2313.JPG http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2319.JPG After roaming around the Greater Warsaw Region for nearly an hour without finding a single 'kill, the two start to become discouraged. It is at this point that they land their first kill...first of many. ____________________________ Joe the Opossum Joe was one of those creatures that everyone was happy to see go. He was a true scab to society. Often seen raping little girls, Joe was the target of many a'bounty hunter in his day. After dealing with addictions to marijuana, paint thinner, and little girls in his life; no one was too sad to see him go. Pierceton Road is where the young-cunt met his death. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2302.JPG Joe's mouth was preparing to bite into a little girl's snatch the moment before he was fisted. Joe's legacy is a rotten one...unfortunately, it shall live on. |
Stetson the Opossum
Stetson was the definition of "ladies-man". When you open up your dictionary and look up "ladies-man", it is defined as "Stetson"...and visa-versa. Unfortunately for Stetson, he fucked with the wrong lady a few days ago. After picking up a fine-looking young lady at the local sewage drain, Stetson took her back to his hole to do the nasty-deed with her. After a few minutes of frolicking, Stetson went for the crotch. Upon shifting around some fur down there for a few seconds, Stetson revealed a penis on his once-thought lady friend. When Stetson looked up at the fellow male-opossum, he realized that Joe the opossum was the culprit, that bastard Joe bit his face off. After biting his face off, Joe drug his body out to Wooster Road where he left him to die. As we've seen above, Joe got his in the end, worry not. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2307.JPG http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2308.JPG Stetson will truly be missed. I think we all felt a twinge of pain at the passing of Stetson. His feverish desire for snatch led him to his demise, but my God did he ever get some major poon while he was still alive. The two hunters decide to make sure Stetson's legacy lives on in photos. Each of them pose with Stetson and the spatula that helped them diagnose his murder. Due to Stetson's extreme stench, a theme that would seem to dominate the evening for the hunters, shirts had to be held over noses for these photos. Orgazmo and Stetson (he's there, use your imagination): http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2309.JPG Ugly Bastard and Stetson: http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2310.JPG Ugly Bastard, realizing that urinating will make his evening much more pleasant, decides to rid Stetson's body of it's maggots. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2311.JPG Stetson, now properly soaked in piss, is good to go. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2312.JPG |
The Double Find!
Oscar the Finch and Beatrice the Raccoon Now, all readers must realize how rare it is to see two items of 'kill beside one another. The hunters were driving on Old US 30 when they saw Beatrice sitting on the side of the road, begging to be visited. The hunters were more than willing to fulfill her request. Upon exiting the official roadkill mobile, Orgazmo nearly steps on Oscar on his way to prod Beatrice. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2328.JPG Oscar was a token-asshole in his life. He died prematurely, and seemingly un-noticed. He had few friends, and spent most of his time going from party to party chipping in his two-cents worth much to the annoyance of his listeners. When Oscar was found dead, no one rejoiced, and no one cried; mainly because no one gives a fuck about Oscar. In this landmark photograph, we see both Oscar and Beatrice in their original places of death. (Oscar near the bottom, Beatrice at top) http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2329.JPG As the hunters moved on to Beatrice, they are struck with one of the most malodorous stinches that has ever graced either of their lives. You see, Beatrice's corpse was being eaten out by thousands of mites. They were climbing into her vagina, and asshole, then exiting out of her mouth. The smell that this left nearly knocked the hunters over. Luckily, they are Pirates and were able to hold their own. In this picture, we see Orgazmo's beaming smile hover over Beatrice's place of rest. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2330.JPG Ugly Bastard, about to hurl, attempts the same. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2331.JPG Orgazmo, being the only one brave enough to do so, gets right up by Beatrice's mouth, and photographs the mites crawling out of it. Although hard to see in this image, the hunters find countless numbers of mites crawling out of her mouth. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2332.JPG The circle in this photograph indicates the orphious that the mites were entering near her crotch. http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1055774342.bmp Much the same in this picture, you can see a cluster of mites crawling in and out of Beatrice's mouth. http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1055774453.bmp The hunters quickly exit Beatrice's location before they loose their meal, thus they were not able to examine her cause of death, or the details of the life she lived. [ June 16, 2003, 10:50 AM: Message edited by: Orgazmo ] |
Sheila the Splatter
The hunters stumbled upon Sheila nearly by accident. You know that girl that always flirts with everyone, and leads you on to believe that she has a thing for you, only to find out that she treats every guy like that? Yeah, that's Sheila. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2315.JPG Sheila never put-out. All she did was flirt. And although it is still just a theory, the hunters think that Sheila was murdered by one of the many men that were led-on by her...and rightfully so. Orgazmo takes a peak at Sheila's putrid underside to examine what mites are eating her out. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2316.JPG Sheila, quite the lady, never hesitates to smell up a highway. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2317.JPG She won't be missed...a'tall. ____________________________ Lisa the Kitten CAUTION: DO NOT READ THIS ANIMAL'S ENTRY IF YOU ARE ONE WHO LIKES CATS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lisa's legacy was nearly not remembered. She was found right outside of Big-Apple Bagel, and the hunters nearly let her go un-photographed. Ridden with guilt and sorrow, Ugly Bastard convinces Orgazmo that taking just one (or two) pictures of Lisa is not cruel, if anything...kind. The theory that the two end up reaching with Lisa is that, she is already dead, and merely photographing her is going to do nothing but help the wonderful life that she lived, press on. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2322.JPG You see, Lisa was the golden girl of the town in her prime. She was the captain of the cheerleading team, and soon to be valedictorian of her class. She was the smiling face that everyone knew and loved. Sadly, Lisa's life took a dismal turn when she decided that "running out in front of a moving car" would be a good idea. Poor Lisa... What is most striking to the hunters is Lisa's location. You see, the two have come to find that roadkill is a very rare thing to see in the middle of town. Most animals dwell on the outskirts of town, away from all the hustle and bustle. Lisa was an exception to this... http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1055773201.bmp Although not exposed in the above picture, the hunter's wonderful job with MS Paint clearly shows you where Lisa's end came. May her wonderful soul rest in peace. ____________________________ Brian the Bird Brian was a sick sick bastard. He spent his days concocting small terrorist plans to do what he could to eliminate as many innocent lives as possible. Although no one could ever prove a thing, it was widely rumored that Brian often jarred his semen and then, using a needle, injected it into unopened tubes of Neosporin at Wal-Mart. This doesn't sound too fruitful until you realize that Brian was an STD Vending Machine. His semen was so potent that simply touching it would leave the finger blistered, let alone the deeper effects that it had upon a person. A twisted mastermind...that's exactly what Brian was. Fortunately for you and I, Brian's fate was met when one adolecent refused to accept the evil in the world. After having her mother killed by Brian's shenanigans, Lisa hunted the soul and ended up sending him to his death upon Old US 30. Unfortunately, as you've already read, Lisa then decided to run in front of a car. Perhaps she was affected by the semen-laden feathers of her enemy. We'll never know for sure. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2324.JPG Ugly Bastard, contemplates spitting on Brian, but instead, raises him from the ground for one final tribute. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2325.JPG Orgazmo, very excited at the sight of Brian, follows suit. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadkill/Jun15%2326.JPG Brian will be missed by some (sick bastards), but certainly not by those who knew the little secret he hid from society. That whore... [ June 16, 2003, 10:47 AM: Message edited by: Orgazmo ] |
Henry the Cat
Henry was found no more than 100 yards away from Beatrice and Oscar on Old US 30, truly a prime spot. At first, the hunters were unsure of Henry's species, but Orgazmo's keen sense of order detected feline. As you can see in this image, red arrows indicate Henry's set of grayed whiskers, once you spot those, it's rather easy to see he is a cat. http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1055775335.bmp Henry was a loving grandfather, and member of the local Lions Club. One day, while crossing the street to get the paper, he was struck by a tractor-trailer. Now, typically cats do not live through being hit by a tractor-trailer...Henry is no exception. We shall miss Henry, and all of the good that his life brought into the world. ____________________________ After another successful outing, the two dire smelling hunters decide to call it a day. On the drive home, the two discuss the possibility of having a roadkill tournament sometime, in which members of this board are deployed out into the town to search for roadkill. When they find such roadkill, they call the hunters, and we come to the scene to photograph, and judge the find. When the game is over, all we re-conviene at a location to be disclosed later, at which point the hunters will award a winner in the hunt for roadkill. This is still simply an idea, so don't get too jumpy. After another wonderful evening of hunting, this is Orgazmo and Ugly Bastard signing off, until we meet again... -Orgazmo and Ugly Bastard |
Interesting, and all the likewise nauseating . Good work guys.
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probably one of the funniest things i've read, i bout died reading this, i couldnt help but laugh at every single story behind each one of these animals. i was unaware that so many of our friends have pasted and you guys were fortunate enough to find there bodys and tell the real story behind them.
i thank you guys and look forward to more of this |
I wouldn't call them all friends. Like the bastard, Tyrone. And that cunt with legs, Sheila. They're no friends of mine.
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i want in on the next roadkill hunting, that is if you're willing to add a third to the party.
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If enough people have interests like your's, Mr. Eye, we could carry out the tournament outlined in the original post.
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I am down with that idea, it would be quite fun. I just need someone else to go with me and a digital camera.
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Buckeye, Consider me your next roadkill partner.
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Haha this thread is hilarious... I laughed so hard... A roadkill tournament would definitely be a good time for all
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how hard did you laugh?
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pretty damn hard
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What we had in mind for the tournament was all of the teams drive around separately, then, when they find something, they call either UB or I on our cell phones and we go to survey the situation. We would then gather photographs of the kill to ensure that it was genuine and captured on the day of the tournament. We would really only be driving around...not really looking for kill ourselves. We would then do some investigative work to find the histories of all the kills, we'd post the pictures w/that, and then everyone would vote on which team had the best overall kill quality.
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Yeah, we need some pictures with both Gaz and UB in them. That calls for a third party (Buckeye, I expect a date with your girlfriend as payment for getting you in on Roadkill Trip 3). ;)
Anyway, guys, this is classic. Purely and simply classic. |
Update:
While on Fall Break from their University, the Roadkillers hunted again. Their journies led them to a road just off of Old US 30. An informant notified the hunters of a gut-strewn slay that needed to be recorded. After some tisking and tasking around the roads of Kosciusko County, the informant paid off. Behold, Larry the Racoon: http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1065666444.JPG You see, the thing with Larry is, he had an addiction to rubber. Pencil Erasers, Dog Chew Toys, Basketballs, and Rubber Bands were amongst his favorite things in life. Couple all this with the fact that dump-trucks use rubber tires, and Larry's life was headed down a dark path. Very early in the morning on Monday October 6th, 2003; Scott Duvall was driving a boulder-loaded dump-truck to a construction site to dispatch his load. Prior to delivery, Scott ran into Larry...literally. As you will now see, the results were less than beautiful. http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1065666964.JPG http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1065667001.JPG http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1065667032.JPG http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1065667089.JPG Now, I wish I could sit here and tell you that Larry was an asshole who had no friends or family. But I'm not going to lie to you. You see, not only was Larry a popular fellow in his neck of the woods, but he was also married. Now, as the hunters have come to find out, racoons will go suicidal when their loved ones meet the big Goodyear. And sure enough, Larry's wife, Ann the Racoon was found not five feet away from her late-husband: http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1065667233.JPG Ann took her own life, because in a way, it was already gone. Once Scott bumped over Larry, Ann was ruined. She did what no one likes to see, ran in front of a moving Geo...poor bitch. http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1065667331.JPG Notice the fangs...possibly indicating a tobacco problem http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1065667385.JPG This tragic site was the home to two fatalities too many. Sadly, someone must visually capture these remains if not for the learning experience of others, the memory of those who've passed. |
Lesson for today?
An addiction to rubber is only safe if you're smart about it. I don't mourn Larry's death, simply because he let his addiction get out of hand. But Ann....Ann didn't deserve this. Except for the fact that she married a dumb shit. |
After actually reading this thread, I think it's hilarious and decided that it deserves a bump. However, along with this bump, I am also hoping to see some more pictures and stories in the near future.
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this is absolutely disgusting
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Roadkilling: A Wintry Mix
The Roadkillers have been at it again this winter. With the aid of their trusty mobile, keen sight, and brand new D560 digital camera on hand, the quality of the hunters' job has gone up tenfold. First, our journies take us to the stale town of Winona Lake. Particularly Kings Highway. Renny The Racoon Renny was known for her helping hand in the community. She worked in the PlayPlace at the local fast food restaurant supervising kids who were playing in a tub of plastic balls. Renny had a husband who loved her about as much as OJ loved Nicole. Due to this adverse environment at home, Renny was often known for standing out in the middle of the road waiting to be killed. On November 28th, 2003; Renny's wish came true. A Mac Truck, which had somehow stumbled off of the truck route and onto Kings Highway, hit Renny with the left side of his truck, back side tires, front set, inner wheel. Renny now lives on in photos. http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1075402143.JPG You'll notice some minor scar tissue on the left hand side of this photo. http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1075402207.JPG http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1075402248.JPG Suicide? I hardly think so. After a long pattern of spousal abuse, Renny reached her limit. It just so happens that a Mac Truck was kind enough to show her the door to the next world. Live on Renny, live on.... [ January 29, 2004, 04:22 PM: Message edited by: Orgazmo ] |
The afternoon of January 11, 2004 dropped to the hunters a task. The task? To traverse the hundred miles of road between Warsaw and Muncie in an attempt deliver themselves back to their college. Setting out for a simple trip, the hunters could never have been prepared for the ungodly amount of kill they would encounter.
Just as the pilgrimage began, the cellphone of Hunter A began to vibrate uncontrollably near his crotch. Quickly, the call was answered. The voice on the other end told of a prize 20 yards off the road near Manns' Country Kitchen. You see, the Hunters were being looked after this day. Not an hour before they left, sim_flex_x began a journey very similar to the one that they had in front of them. Although their paths forked just before Wabash, the similarity was enough for eagle eye to spot a monster kill & deliver the tip. Thanks to this tip, the hunters found themselves a new friend. Trent the Deer was good as pissing. No, he didn't have a large penis. His urethra wasn't any wider than your's or mine. His bladder wasn't made of steel. You see, Trent specialized in a completely different type of pissing. While other deer were grazing in fields and gathering food for their loved ones, Trent was sitting alone in his bed of twigs, drinking Bud Light as he pissed his life away. He didn't get out much, which was probably for the best. The fact that Trent was inebriated 95% of his waking hours meant that he wasn't too socially acceptable. It wasn't necessarily a lack of care that led Trent down this dark path. He had tried to straighten up numerous times, just never successfully. On the eve of Christmas, Trent made a pact with himself to not have one sip of alcohol. His plan was to use the day shopping around in the forest for a nice gift for Caroline, a doe he had his eye on. He wasn't going to piss his life away anymore! No no, not this Trent. He was going to turn everything around! Adrenaline jolted through his body as the throught of starting a new life with this fancy female ran through his head. As the sun came up on the morning of the 24th, Trent set off, searching through the snow and ice for the perfect gift. Would she like a nice bowl of berries? No, she could get those anytime! Perhaps a masterfully crafted bed of twigs. Of course, she was a master crafter herself, so it would be tough to top the bed she already had. Ah-ha! A fake set of antlers so she can pretend to be a buck! Perfect! Trent ran through the woods quicker than ever before looking for a nice piece of wood from which he could craft such a gift. He spotted a nice branch and began to approach as he heard something coming from the other side. As he got closer he could hear the sound more clearly. It was like a sort of whimpering...a crying or moaning of some sort. Was the creature in trouble? Had it been hit by a hunter? Without hesitation, Trent jumped into action. As he jumped to the otherside of the tree he saw something which he hadn't expected. It was Caroline making the noise...but she wasn't hurt. Oh no, my friends, she was far from hurt. Caroline was being fucked...fucked by Karl, Trent's old college roomate. The weird thing about it was that Karl was a turtle, doing everything very slowly. Imagine Trent's shock when he saw a turtle having sex with his beloved Caroline, a full-sized deer. Filled with a mixture of rage and despair, Trent sprinted back to his bed. He quickly picked up the Bud Light and began to drink like he never had before. In no time at all, Trent had depleted his entire stash of alcohol. He set off for the liquor store to replenish...but Trent never made it to the liquor store. Before crossing the road, Trent took a gander right...but, in his drunken state, he forgot to look left. He never knew what hit him as the white 1992 Ford Taurus sped by, decapitating the poor fucker and throwing his torso 20 yards to the right, landing him on a bed of ice. Eighteen days later, Trent was being photographed for a Nubblies.net photojournal. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1110031.JPG Trent rests in peace beside his last and only friend in this world. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1110032.JPG This shot shows the impact with which Trent was struck. The decapitation is quite clean...although 18 days of rotting could make even the nastiest of cuts look clean the hunters suppose. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1110033.JPG Trent's genitals are covered in dirt. It can only be assumed that he did this in a drunken rage to protest the mating of Karl and Caroline. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1110038.JPG The hunters thought that Trent looked a bit sad in his current position...with no head and all... http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1110039.JPG ...so they gave him a sip out of his old bottle. Surely Trent appreciated this gesture. You're welcome, old chap. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1110040.JPG For some reason, Trent's asshole was packed with ice. The hunters didn't investigate this situation any further than taking a single picture. They're open to ideas about this. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1110043.JPG And finally, the hunters snap a group picture with their new friend...before being chased off by a hillbilly in a truck who appeared to be interested in Trent's meat. I'm sure he'll taste great, sir... [ January 29, 2004, 04:30 PM: Message edited by: Orgazmo ] |
After dealing with the sad story that is Renny, the killers are brought back into reality when they stumble upon Conrad the Oppossum.
Conrad is a drifter. He managed to find his way into Winona Lake by getting caught in the catalytic converter of a 1984 Buick Regal. After the Regal stopped off at the bike trails in Winona Lake to dispose of a body, Conrad was able to shimmy his way out of the exhaust system of the mobile, and began to pillage Winona Lake. Conrad lasted all of about four days in the town, before ironically, the same Buick Regal that brought him to Winona Lake, hit him while in a hurry to the local Dairy Queen to fetch a Hot Eat or a Cool Treat. Conrad will not be missed by many. As the prime suspect in a few rape cases, he got what was coming to him. http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1075402281.JPG http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1075402314.JPG Notice Conrad's Nubblies exposed: http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1075403221.JPG To the untrained eye, it would almost appear as though Conrad is puking up his own intestines: http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1075402356.JPG http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1075402375.JPG This concludes the 2003 Season for the Hunters. Onto the 2004 goods, with the aid of a better digital camera, the D560. |
Continuing onwards after Jerome's discovery, the hunters entered Wabash, Indiana. After clearing a railroad and starting down a large hill, the two spotted something in the distance. What was originally pawned off as a semi tire was found to be something completely different...something more incredible than anything the hunters had seen before. What was so incredible? Geoffrey the Deer was so incredible. Named for his uncanny resemblance to the Toys'r'Us giraffe, Geoffrey was an unbeliebable find.
A warhero from vietnam, Geoffrey had devoted much of his life to patriotism. Unfortunately for him, a violent explosion during the war left him with very little eyesight. This coupled with his minor deafness, again, due to the war, made Geoffrey like a mini Helen Keller. Being as strong willed as they come, Geoffrey never let this get him down. He never let his disabilities stand in the way of him doing anything that he would do before. While this was normally a good thing, sometimes Geoffrey would push it too far. When his buddies would joke around with him about his shortcomings, he would oftentimes lose control and challenge them to fights. "If I can't see or hear, you won't have any trouble beating me in a fistfight, will you!" Geoffrey would exclaim. His friends never meant any harm past a bit of gentle fun-poking, but Geoffrey took it as more than simply that. One night, Geoffrey vowed to prove once and for all that he was just as keen as he had been before the war. The next morning, Geoffrey woke up and decided to purchase a dirtbike. His plan was to use the bike to jump a large...obstacle. He didn't know exactly what he would jump yet, but it didn't matter. If he performed a daredevil maneuver on the bike, his friends would surely ease up on the jokes. Geoffrey drank a cup of coffee as he searched through the paper looking for good deals on bikes. He spotted his bitch and set out on foot to the dealership. Unfortunately, he forgot to turn his coffeepot off. Just as he left the house, the thing went crazy, sparking and spitting flames. A small explosion sounded, but poor Geoffrey couldn't hear it. He continued on his path, nothing could stop him from getting this bike...at least that's what he thought. As he went to cross the road, a firetruck, dispatched to tend to the fire at Geoffrey's house, plowed into Geoffrey. He was killed instantly. Though the sirens were blaring and the lights were strobing, Geoffrey wasn't any the wiser. The poor fuck never saw it coming. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1110048.JPG The truck hit with such an impact that only his head, along with various attached pieces, remain. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1110049.JPG Even in death, Geoffrey's determined look shines through. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1110050.JPG A sideview of Geoffrey to show how large he really is. He's large. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1110051.JPG The withered lip of a withered man. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1110052.JPG The hunters really don't know the logistics of how Geoffrey is the way he is. If anyone wants to photoshop in some arrows to explain to everyone what is what in this picture, that would be wonderful. What exactly is attached to his head? It looks like he has a fucking leg coming out of his skull. The hunters certainly don't understand. [ January 29, 2004, 11:21 PM: Message edited by: Orgazmo ] |
After leaving Trent's side, the two roadkill enthusiasts continued on the trek south on 15. It wasn't too long before they encounted a small find. Near the driveway of an abandoned house, the body of Jerome the Raccoon rests. Jerome made people smile. He flat out made people smile. Often found in the background of conversations saying things like "Oh snap!" and "Daaaaamn," Jerome often found himself in the position of argument catalyst. He never really had a main role in life...but Jerome didn't seem to mind. His only real claim to fame was coming up with the phrase, "Damn bitch, you stupid fly," which is currently used globally by both negroes and wiggers alike. He won't be missed immediately...but a Jeromeless world will soon realize that he was worth more than he appeared. Inevitably, another raccoon will step up to fill Jerome's spot...but the chances that the replacement will be as quick with the side comments as the late Jerome as slim.
http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1110044.JPG The picture doesn't do Jerome justice. It's just a shame that his candle burned out long before...his legend ever will... http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1110047.JPG In related news, it appears as if Jerome's corpse would make a nice cap. In the case that anyone is interested in pursuing this matter, more detailed directions to Jerome's tomb will be available upon request. *(keychain thing included for size purposes) |
Leaving the fallen soldier, Geoffrey, wasn't easy; however, the hunters had a schedule to keep up. Along with this, little did they know that they were about to cross paths with another absolute goldmine of a kill on adjoining road 218.
The next stop came next to the freshly slaughtered Patsy the Opossum. Originally thought to be a cat, Patsy's high-quality pictures clued the hunters in to her real identity. There's not much to say about a woman like Patsy. She was a very straitlaced mother of 2. Of course, raising children like this only leads to rebellion. Patsy's case was no exception. What had once been a household of iron-fisted rule had slowly turned into a dysfunctional family unit. Of course, it wasn't all Patsy's fault. Her mother was an alcoholic and more like a friend. She had three different kids from three different men. But that's just the way shit was, you could really change it...or rearrange it, so there it was. With the birth of her's, Patsy vowed to be a better mother than the woman from which she was birthed. Switching extremes isn't any better though, Patsy. You should have tried to find a happy medium. What were you thinking? You've simply molded your own daughter into a replica of your mother. Was that what you really wanted, Patsy? Was it? And now look. Look at where it got you. You're dead now. Do you realize your mistake? Oh, you do? Well it's a little late for that. You can't change anything now, Patsy. You've wasted your time, and now it has run out. You're finished, Patsy. You're finished. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1130035.JPG Patsy lies in the middle of the road...dead. From this angle, she looks like she could either be a opossum (which she is), a cat (which she isn't), or, if you really squint, a rotweiller (if her two front legs were ears...and that spec of blood on her head was an eyebrow...come on, surely you see it). http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1130031.JPG This picture is symbolic of Patsy's situation. She tried to maintain control. She really did her best. She did what she thought was right...but, in the end, it exploded all to hell. Nice try, Patsy. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1130033.JPG Here's something that used to be inside of her. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1130034.JPG This, like the last piece of scrap, used to be inside of Patsy. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...4/P1130032.JPG One last, more zoomed in picture of Patsy. You can clearly see how the vehicle inflicted the wound...rolling over her neck and what not. Probably pretty painlful. Similar to the childhood that she gave her kids. On a sidenote, while looking at this picture, a hunter discovered that there are some faces hidden. Look at the following picture, then scroll back up to see if you can find them in their original from in the above picture. http://www.nubblies.net/images/roadk...1.04/weird.jpg 1. Looks like a sideview of a serial killer. 2. Looks like saddam hussein's face superimposed on a lion. All in all, these two hunts brought to the hunters great fortune (in a roadkilling sense). Perhaps the best session from a quality standpoint to date; however, the hunters are always looking to improve. Expect more from them in the future. [ January 29, 2004, 04:36 PM: Message edited by: Orgazmo ] |
A third face has been spotted.
http://www.nubblies.net/ubb/uploads/1075412317.JPG I am very anticipatory of what is in store for the hunter's future. -Ugly Bastard |
Wow, great finds this time around.
Trent and Geoffery really should get together, you know, with one only having a head and the other only having a body. I never did get to ride with you boys after winning the first contest, is the offer still good for the future? |
That was by far the best piece of literature I've read in a long time. You really had it right with Patsy. I used to hang out with her when I was a kid... but her mom was so fucking scary, she hit on me all the time. And, regardless of how hot Patsy is, her mom is not. She was a scrawny piece of white-tailed possum trash.
Anyway, really great pictures too. Now I'm hungry. |
*you're welcome ;)
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I'm putting this link in this post for two reasons:
1.) To bump this thread back to the top...because it's my favorite ever (I'm a little partial ;) ) 2.) It belongs here. Damn. |
Quote:
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This is arguably as big a waste of time as my corn experiment. I heartily approve of this thread and all contributors of this most worthy cause. I'm off to find some roadkill.
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