What’s this? A package for me?!?! It’s from Santa at Christmas Lane, North Pole. The postage was even paid by reindeer! It says “4 F3lix <3 Secret Santa." On the side, it says, “Hail the Sexbear!”
Lots of packaging paper. Maybe the contents are fragile.
Even some bubble wrap! I’m starting to see some gifts on the right side of the box.
Well look at this group of hodgepodge gifts! Let’s take a closer look.
I don’t know what this is, but I like it. You hold it by a string and it moves around, providing a dazzling array of colors and mind-bending imagery.
Yes! A disguise. If only it wasn’t broken, I could have pulled off a few heists over the next month. I’ll just have to grow out my own thick stache.
A single York Peppermint patty. I hope it tastes good!
An Urban Myth quiz book! It’s a book of games for Team A (alphas) and Team B (bitches). It’s as if Shaw and I are already on different teams. I hope Repug doesn’t want to play, or I’ll be outnumbered. There are twenty different games to be played. A few examples are the need to identify whether or not Bluebeard was a real pirate and During the Vietnam War, more Americans were killed by guns in America than were killed overseas in combat. Below is an attempted photo of a page.
Next up…
Red Hook is a 2009 Horror film. Perhaps I’ll watch this while trying to swing some poon in Indy.
A Man’s place is behind the bar. It’s by Tucker Shaw, who is clearly the bastard child of Tucker Max and Shaw. The book is very colorful, as seen below…
Great photographs and explainations of different bar necessities including definitions, measurements converters, and is inside a smooth cover which is just slightly less enjoyable to touch than a fine male shaft.
…Twice Shy is a 1989 album by Great White. Interesting CD cover, with the two babes wearing red on a red tarp, with a shark fin nearby. The band plays a brand of rock in that confused late 80s rock genre.
A deck of “magic cards” which are just a deck of cards with a jutting edge that allows for a card to be found easily when it is returned to the deck, turned the opposite direction. I’ll use this on some innocent little children.
From 1975, we have a cassette tape of Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy. I need to find a cassette deck to give this one a listen. Itunes would justify ignoring a physical gift.
100 poker chips for taking kids money. This is better for me to use in stricter environments, where a normal chip set would be easily exploited.
My shih-tzu has enjoyed her new toy. It’s pretty cute in the small mouth of my doggy.
All together, a pretty impressive variety of gifts! Thanks Santa!