Cooking for Assholes: Irish Coddle

[Pliedes]

Like I've mentioned before- I'm snowed in. Going on day 5, actually, save the ski adventure to deliver my secret santa. What better to beat the cold than a bowl of my favorite soup- Irish Coddle.

This is a my own variation. If you don't like it, feel free to change or add anything, or go fuck yourself.

To start, you will need these items- at least.




Start by peeling the potatoes. Then pour yourself a strong drink.



Dice the potatoes. An important note here: use white potatoes. Not yellow, not red. Starchy, cheap, white potatoes. Trust me.




Using about half the package of sausage, roll into little balls. I like spicy sausage, anything works though.




Cut up the bacon, at least half a pound. A full pound isn't ridiculous at all. I'm using 3/4 pound.




See that greenish-yellow shiz at the bottom of the stock pot? That's olive oil. Just a little to get the juices going.... now fry that bacon like a texas inmate. Not overdone, though, as it'll get cooked a bit more later....




Finished bacon, diced potatoes, empty glass of whiskey.




Reserve the bacon grease and juices. This is a one pot meal, as traditional and old as rape.
Add the sausage balls. Pour in a cup to cup-and-half of water to submerge the sausage. This will not only help it cook thoroughly, but also provide the beginnings of your stock.




Keep in mind, you can supplement water with other sweet nectars. The more flavor, the better.




When thoroughly cooked, remove the sausage with a slotted spoon, or something similar.
How do you know it's done? Its not raw and red, duh.




Here remain all the juices and fat, the true beginning of your delicious soup. This is what sustained our ancestors on those long winter nights- fending off tribal raiders, stealing potatoes to stay alive, trying to keep from being raped... by assholes like you! Taste the sweet history!




Now too the potatoes. One of these days I'll show you how to make a delicious potato soup, much simpler than this, but nonetheless satisfying. I've probably ate more potato soup in my life than anything else...cept ramen.




While the potatoes are cooking, pour yourself another glass of whiskey. Also, dice some onions. White are best, yellow are decent, red are ok. Not nearly as big a deal as the potatoes though, go with your heart...er, tongue.




Add the onions to the slightly boiling potatoes...




This is a good time to crack open a superior brew. In this case, superior regional brewery Ninkasi of Eugene, OR. Believer Double Red. Fuck yes. (not pictured, I poured a bit of ale into the soup)




Boil, boil, toil and trouble.




Important step here. Now that everything is soft and boiled- we must blend. I'm using a hand blender, but a traditional blender that you probably use for margaritas will work fine. If you have neither of these, just use a potato masher, large fork, whisker, or something else that'll help break down the mass. In fact, the most traditional method would just be to go at it with a potato masher. It may end up more clumpy, but flavorful and delicious nevertheless.




Once blended down, I add my spices. I fucking love spices- I believe in a past life I was a spice trader... you know, killing brown people for pepper and salt...the sweet taste of colonialism! [ps- i added a lot of pepper, a good helping of salt, and a serious amount of mrs.dash salt-free-table-blend]




Good shit is happening, we near the finish line. Add that meat back to the pot.




Many things should have happened at this point.
(1) You should've made lots of posts on nubblies.
(2) You should've learned that cooking is much easier than expected.
(3) You should be drunk. If not, you're doing something wrong.




Boil that shit down a bit more, just to thicken. The beauty of heavy soups like this is that you can forget about it, come back later, and it doesn't matter. Or get way to drunk, do something wrong, and it'll still taste great. Fuck, this whole process is haphazard at best! Yet it'll feed me for the next three days. Hopefully your dead, drunken ancestors are smiling down on you.

Irish Coddle for assholes. Hail.



PS- Add a bit of your favorite herb on top, just to diversify the flavor. Mint is great! I used basil, just cause it was on hand. BDH might have some better options

[Ugly Bastard]

That looks so fucking good to me right now.

[Orgazmo]

Solid post and very beautifully documented.

The dish looks good (minus the onions, of course. We do live in civilization there).

I'd love to see more of the Cooking for Assholes series...be it authored by Pliedes or anyone else.

Tits, why don't you make a post on my behalf?

[Pliedes]

Post-script: This wasn't the most practical how-to... but other, more simple, options shall follow.

Also, I added the garlic during the "seasoning" stage. Garlic fucking rules. Maybe soon I'll add a Portugese Garlic Soup that once had knights banished from court.

[Mr. Blonde]

Irish Cockle.

[Repugnant Abomination]

Awesome post. When it comes to cooking I am less than satisfactory and would greatly appreciate further installments to learn from.

[Ironic Mustache]

You dirty ol' mick you! I was beginning to worrry I was the only one.

[Mr. Blonde]

you're mexican.

[Ugly Bastard]

It's so cute when people are like, "I'm part Irish, French, Mexican, and Jewish"... it's like... shut the fuck up.

[Repugnant Abomination]

You only say that because you're a goddamn ginger.

[Ironic Mustache]

I'm sure there's some garbage mixed in here and there, but I'm like 90% Irish on one side and like 75% on the other, so that's what I claim if someone asks. For the record I'm not even .0001 % mexican and now I can't even remember how that rumor got started.

[Mr. Blonde]

wrong. all of you are mutts, and the irish don't have a genetic disposition to withstanding alcohol nor potatoes.

[Pliedes]

Just for the record- I'm overwhelmingly of English blood. My family names include Woodward, Blackburn, and Lane. I have papers back to the 1400's, and historical-legend back to William the Conqueror and the Battle of Hastings. So I guess I'm actually Norman.

I'm proud as fuck of my heritage, but part of that is also acknowledging that there is lots of German, Scottish, Welsh, and French blood mixed in there.... I know I'm a mutt, but I consider myself geographically Northern, and ethnically English.

At least I have something, diluted as it may be.

So yeah, if you're Irish, my ancestors probably killed your ancestors. Then we both got poor and sailed across the Atlantic to America....where we continued to kill each other, and everyone else, eventually blending into a bunch of dirty mutts who post on some website....

[Ironic Mustache]

LOL at withstanding potatoes.

[SittinOnDubsWGW]

Originally Posted by Pliedes

So yeah, if you're Irish, my ancestors probably killed your ancestors. Then we both got poor and sailed across the Atlantic to America....where we continued to kill each other, and everyone else, eventually blending into a bunch of dirty mutts who post on some website....

HAHAHA, awesome post. The food looks delicious as well.

[Dent]

I should probably try and cook something more English, but tonight I cooked steak.

here are loads of ways of doing steak, so say dont oil the pan, oil the steak, some say enver add salt. some say never peirce the steak. I'm not saying they are right or wrong, just his is my way.

Everyone has their opinion on steak, some dont oil the pan, or the steak, salt/no salt and I'm not saying there is a right way, but here is one of mine (I'll add other methods in time)


First think you need is Steak.

I am using Aberdeen Angus, 28 Day Matured, Dry Aged, Hand cut Fillet Steak.
Ideally I'd have liked it a little thicker, but as I will be seasoning this, it's ok.


The marbling on this is great.
Next you need
Butter
Peppercorns
Salt
Sunflower oil



Make sure you take the steak out the fridge a few hours before, it needs to be around room temperature, and pat it down with kitchen paper.

Add the Salt and Peppercorns to a Pestle and Motar
and crunch

This


To this


Rub it into the steak.


Add oil to a thick pan, and butter on top, butter alone will stick, and oil alone has less flavour.
Make sure its hot, very very hot, it will all depend on your pan and the gas throughput.


Add the steak, 2.45, flip. 2.30

When turned it should look a little like this.

Served with english mustard, and a glass of Chateau Gombaude (£28, Tesco)


Close up, ideally would have liked it a little thicker, but its bloody enough.


Drinking now :

Got the Kopparberg out the bin just for the purpose of this picture, that means you should probably try it.
Also note the logitech G5

[Repugnant Abomination]

Looks delicious.

[Dent]

Me? or the steak?

[Repugnant Abomination]

[Pliedes]

Great post! Glad to see someone else is on board with this idea!

Technically what you made is Steak au Poivre. Pan cooking is a decent indoor method- but the best involves searing it in a pan, then moving in to a grill! Another trick to this dish is to move it to the fridge for 20-30 minutes after rubbing the pepper/salt mixture.

[Dent]

Most of the time I dont season at all, and use olive oil.
If It was put into a fridge for 30 min after seasoned, surely it would have to be rested for a few hours after that? the idea of it being room temp is so the middle cooks faster, so there's still plenty of blood.
I'll try and make Beef Wellington next, though I have no experience with it.

[Pliedes]

Originally Posted by Dent

I'll try and make Beef Wellington next, though I have no experience with it.

I'm all for you making English food. But I feel compelled to add that Beef Wellington is actually a French dish, named after an Englishman.

What you really need to make is a Sunday Roast w/ Yorkshire Pudding....

Of course that's already on my "to do" list...tell me if you're ever up for a cross-continental cook off.

[Mr. Blonde]

Pliedes, what do you do exactly, you mysterious bastard?

[Pliedes]

Wish I knew.

Jack of all trades. That's the best answer I can give.

[Dent]

Originally Posted by Pliedes

I'm all for you making English food. But I feel compelled to add that Beef Wellington is actually a French dish, named after an Englishman.

I don't recall saying that Beef Wellington was otherwise, just that I'm probably expected to eat nothing but English food, but yeah I wiki'd it too.