Room mate drama

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

FTR this is pretty low on the drama scale, but here is my story.

I moved away from my home state for a job after I got out of school. Last summer things were looking pretty grim for me. I had finished my 5 year stint in college, moved back in with the parents for the summer in the middle of a shitty job market with no leads whatsoever and barely any qualifications for the kind of work I was looking for. Then I landed a pretty sweet gig seemingly out of nowhere.

Instead of my future looking like a pathetic life living in my parent's basement, I was inexplicably thrust into exactly the kind of career I was looking for. I had three weeks to move before I started.

My plan was simple. Rent a room in a house with roommates for a year and bring the bare minimum of physical possessions. This would be cheap, allow me to get an easy kickstart of a little bit of a social life, and the opportunity to scour the land get to know the area. This way when I made the commitment to get a place for myself I would have a lot more information and be able to make an educated decision.

I scoured Craig's list for the perfect fit for this description. I came up with about 5 different possibilities and drove down for the weekend to visit each person and their domicile.

I decided on a quaint house in the middle of a quiet neighborhood. There resided a 32 year old female and a 25 year old male who worked at the large college in the city. It seemed like the perfect fit. They seemed as though they would likely be laid back. They described themselves as young professionals who liked to just hang out, etc, etc.

Unfortunately, things haven't worked out quite as planned.

These people are hippies. They reuse fucking sandwich bags for christ's sakes.

I'll post results:

Hey kid

Whats up?

Do we need to talk? As I'm sure you know, a little communication can go a long way when you're living with roommates. I can imagine it can be a lot different living with multiple roommates when the place you are living belongs to yourself.

I know I'm not the perfect room mate (such a thing doesn't exist). But I try to clean up after myself and make a fairly low footprint as best as I can. I can think of much worse. For example, going 7 months while sharing the same little fridge with 3 people before having the first "the fridge smells" episode is pretty damn good in my book. I've lived with some pretty messy roommates in my time. It was pretty common to have a "whats that smell in the kitchen?" hunt every few weeks or so.

I mean, I'm very focused on my career right now. Because of that, when I come home I'm too tired too cook and pretty much stay in my dencave until sleepy time. I don't really use much of the rest of the house except I shit and shower every once and a while, and occasionally use the washer and dryer. Because of this, its hard for me to imagine ways in which I could improve unless there is some communication. I'm a reasonable person, rather than let small things build up over time sometimes its better to just look at someone in the eye and tell them whats bothering you. I don't like feeling like I have to walk on eggshells every time I enter the house or leave my room.

Is it time? I'm ready to move out and get my own place as long as I don't have to pay rent here as well (it would pry take at least a month tho). It's been nice having two excellent roommates and saving a little cash on living expenses. But I have a feeling its going to get hot as hell soon in this room with summer coming along, and I can't open the window. It's sealed!

-Matt

[ninjaface]

I've been fairly lucky with most of my room mate experiences.

I've only ever had 2 terrible room mates several years ago and another I had to ditch about a year and a half ago.

Chad is his name. He's a decent guy, but he's going nowhere and smells bad. He's been working at pizza hut for 6+ years and has nothing to show for it. He was pretty desperate for money for a while. So much so that he drank piss for $25. The day after it happened my friends and I laughed harder and longer than at anything before or since.

[Orgazmo]

Drinking piss for $25...that's hilarious. I'd pay to see that. How much piss? Think he'll have an encore?

My roommates have all been pretty good. Plus all of them except one are on Nubblies, so I can't say everything I hated about them. The other one, though, would bring home girls at 3am from the bars and decide to play foosball during the week. That was annoying as shit, but definitely manageable...especially considering it was his only real fault as a roommate.

I wouldn't mind rooming with a dude that'll drink piss for $25 though. Imagine how much you could get him to do around the house for that cash.

[ninjaface]

He drank 2 shots of piss. Originally, it was just one shot of my friend's piss for $20. But after he agreed to it, my friend's girlfriend said she'd give him $5 more to drink a shot of her piss as well. He agreed and drank them with ease. The next morning he had a nice big McDonald's breakfast. So we like to say that he drank 2 shots of piss for $18 and a McGriddle.

His other biggest negative trait is personal hygiene. He could have showered a bit more, but what made it worse was he barely ever washed his towel. It fucking wreaked. He'd get relatively clean in the shower only to dry off with his giant cotton bacteria/mold farm.

His best skill as a roommate: sweeping the floor.

He is a sweeping master. Sweeping isn't a difficult thing, but he does it extremely well. I suppose what I said earlier about him working at pizza hut for 6+ years with nothing to show for it isn't entirely true. He can sweep like the wind. Time well spent.

[Fruitacious B]

My friends and I once pissed in four beer bottles, put the lids back on them, and let them chill in the bottom drawer of the fridge for a few days, knowing that someone would eventually find them when we ran out of beer and think it they'd found a forgotten beer stash.

Well that day came, and our expectations were overly exceed. The kid in the video found the bottles, so we told him he should chug them all...and he did....all four of them. After the third bottle, my friends and I were so amazed that he'd gotten that far without realizing it was piss, that I emptied the fourth bottle and refilled it with fresh piss before he came back into the house. About a minute later, he was finishing his fourth and final bottle of piss. He didn't find out that it was piss until he saw the video on youtube about two weeks later.

This is the video of the fourth bottle, full of my warm piss. I'm the jackass telling him to finish it, and my bottle was full of water.

YouTube - "Piss" Drunk

YouTube - "Piss" Drunk

It was one of the funniest experiences of my life watching him down each bottle. We were blatantly using the word 'piss' in every sentence, but he was too thick to catch it.

Edit: we're working on compiling all of the cell phone videos including the first three bottles so we can make a highlight reel of him downing all 48 ounces of piss.

[Ugly Bastard]

HOLEEE FUCK!!!

Did he get sick?

[DDTempest]

My roommate freshmen year downloaded an assload of fucked up porn onto my computer freshmen year and kept it in a folder named "Candy"

Most of them had odd file names so I clicked on one with something like "vid3520" and it turned out to be a tranny sucking off a horse ... could not look my roommate in the eye after that.

My other roommates a couple years later were both from Warsaw, one was a slob, the other a neat freak. The neat freak would only clean his room and sometimes woke up having "night terrors" running through the house screaming. The slob never cleaned his room and often had ants helping themselves to moldy pizza. Neat freak never turned off the oven or stove before going to class, he would just cook something and leave the shit on a hot stove for hours ... came home one time to a smoldering oven mitt left on the exhaust burner of the stove, had I been ten minutes slower in getting home the house would probably have burned down. The slob left his toothbrush in the shower so I occasionally used it to scrub my taint.

[ninjaface]

Originally Posted by DDTempest

The slob left his toothbrush in the shower so I occasionally used it to scrub my taint.

That is fucking sick dude. His mouth was on there. Who knows what now resides on your taint.

[Mr. Blonde]

Originally Posted by Orgazmo

\The other one, though, would bring home girls at 3am from the bars and decide to play foosball during the week. That was annoying as shit,\...

this confuses me.

[Fruitacious B]

Originally Posted by Ugly Bastard

HOLEEE FUCK!!!

Did he get sick?

Well, he tried saying he was going to step outside to piss and smoke a cigarette, but we could hear him puking. I'm pretty sure a person couldn't possibly stomach that much piss without getting sick at some point. Thing is, that was only after the second or third bottle. He still came in and finished off what he'd started, and whether he puked after those I don't know.

[Orgazmo]

Originally Posted by Mr. Blonde

this confuses me.

Sorry for shitty English. I think I was kind of drunk when I wrote that.

Through the week, he would return at 3am with a girl. He would then proceed to coax the girl into playing foosball. He loved him some foosball. The problem is that foosball is very loud. And it was 3am. And I had classes the next day.

[Fruitacious B]

So what you're saying is that he would bring girls home from the bar to play foosball...instead of sex? That kind of defeats the purpose of going to the bar in the first place.

[Orgazmo]

I assume that they had sex afterward...or he probably wouldn't bring them back in the first place. The issue is that foosball is loud as fuck. Especially when you're drunk and spinning the reels like a madman. He may as well have been testing his rifle in two rooms from my bed.

[Fruitacious B]

"So, you wanna come back to my place...drink a beer, play some foosball, then have some sex?"


Only in a perfect world.

[Mr. Blonde]

Results?