IT'S ALIVE! - Nubblies.net Forums

Ironic Mustache · 10-21-2005, 05:42 PM

When I was young I thought I could to anything.

Fly, beat up people much bigger than me, create life, etc.

At the age of 4 I learned that I actually couldn't create life.

I grew up in a house that bordered a wooded area in which many animals of the kingdom of Michigan would frollic and make babies. All this work had them running all over town. Being animals as they were, they decided the law about jaywalking didn't apply to them. This caused them to often get run over in front of my house.

My family had moved into the neighborhood about a week prior to me meeting my best friend, who happened to have a hampster, I think "Goldie" was its name. Like most hamsters do, it died when we dropped a dictionary on it from the top of a ladder. We learned a valuable lesson that day about death... and gravity.

We decided instead of having to go through the hassel of going to the pet store and finding a new "production line" hampster, we would construct one out of a dead squirrel that was rotting in the street.

Then we would simply electrocute it until it came to life, like they did in the movies.

It would be a custon made hampster, named... Hammy.

I'd had my eye on a squirrel at the end of the block that hadn't gotten to the maggot stage yet, which made it an excellent specimen. We picked it up by the tail and took it to my dad's workbench. The first step was to beat it with a hammer, then we would seperate the different colors.

Kyle slammed the hammer down with full force. I saw a drop of blood appear on the window. I looked down at the squirrel. Oops, I guess it HAD had entered the maggot stage.

We started pulling the squirrel apart and separating the colors. I can vividly remember the smell to this day. It smelled like when my would rub its ear on a dead animal and then lick my face.

Once we had things organized we started putting together the pieces. The squrrel's nose was the hampster's head and we poked little holes in it for eyes.

For the rest of it we just cut off a piece of skin and wrapped a bunch of organs and bones inside. It was pretty unorganized in there but once we ran electricity into it it would all straighten itself out. This was going to be the coolest hampster ever.

We brought the new hampster into the garage and began to wonder how we would electrocute it.

"Shit!" Kyle said.

"What?"

"We never gave it any arms!" he was right.

I grabbed some twigs and actually managed to prop the thing good 3 feet in the air. It was pretty disturbing looking, thinking back on it.

Finally, we came to the conclusion that the best way to electrocute the thing was to break a lightbulb and stick the socket on the hampster's nose. I knew from experience, this would indeed electrocute Hammy.

We balanced a broken lightbulb socket and a soon to be hamster on top of 4 twigs. It looked kind of like a teepee, only with roadkill at the top.

This was going to have to involve some spirituality though. We were going to need Indian clothes and and some drums. We put on our Halloween costumes and sat next to the Teepee Of Life.

Then, we plugged it in. The drum beat started slow... with building intensity.

Nothing was happening.

After a minute or so we saw a little stream of smoke begin to rise.

We started screaming like the Indians do. "WAAAAYYYOOOOOHHH SHAMA SHAMA YYYAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOO!!!"

My parents had been sitting across the street making friends with the new neighborhood, and kind of keeping an eye on us. Now, the group was slowly making its way over.

The drums grew louder and faster as more smoke started pouring out of all Hammy the Hampster's orifices. The time was coming soon.

We were screaming at the top of our lungs now, and basically flipping out like head cases.

Kyle was jumping up and down and I was stomping my foot.

I felt a sharp pain on my shoulder and I screamed like a little girl... probably.

My dad was looking at the Teepee of Life, "What... the ... fuck..."

That was the first time I heard him drop the f-bomb.

Hammy then burst into flames and as the air escaped from from one of the gas sacks that had been rotting in the sun, it made a high-pitched scream.

I thrust my fists in the air, "IT'S ALIVE!"

Wow, why didn't I think of this?

fat_retard · 10-21-2005, 06:30 PM

Ho. Lee. Shit.

That is the BEST thing I've read in months! I'm still laughing, thats fantastic.

Repugnant Abomination · 10-21-2005, 08:30 PM

That was friggin' awesome.

Carnivorous Flavor · 10-21-2005, 08:53 PM

C+.....mediocre.

Repugnant Abomination · 10-21-2005, 09:13 PM

Oh snap...

ProfessorNumber · 10-21-2005, 09:29 PM

Yeah, I don't get it.

Carnivorous Flavor · 10-21-2005, 09:43 PM

thats cuz u r stoopid.

Ugly Bastard · 10-22-2005, 12:04 AM

Wow wow wow that was amazing.

-UB

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 10-22-2005, 05:22 AM

<3

angry pancake · 10-26-2005, 03:49 AM

Too fucking long. Cliff notes?

Deadly Crescent Kick · 10-26-2005, 12:09 PM

a noble effort

Ironic Mustache · 10-26-2005, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by angry pancake:
Too fucking long. Cliff notes?

Laziness shall not be rewarded.

angry pancake · 10-26-2005, 04:10 PM

bullshit I learnt that from you.

Ironic Mustache · 10-26-2005, 04:18 PM

That's probably true... With that being said, I'm far too lazy to write out cliff notes.

Lucy Fur · 10-26-2005, 04:24 PM

do you know who angry pancake is?

Ironic Mustache · 10-26-2005, 04:36 PM

angry pancake · 10-26-2005, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lucy Fur:
do you know who angry pancake is?

[ October 26, 2005, 03:22 PM: Message edited by: angry pancake ]

MAGICLIT · 10-26-2005, 05:23 PM

*said with the Joey Tribbiani accent*
How you doin?

Lucy Fur · 10-26-2005, 05:24 PM

no magic.... you definitely do not want to know that person. in reality he looks like a fucked up version of that picture.
is till say that was doobies older much better looking non pokemon dressing up brother.

[ October 26, 2005, 03:26 PM: Message edited by: Lucy Fur ]

MAGICLIT · 10-26-2005, 05:25 PM

oh......well Lucy, how you doin?

Lucy Fur · 10-26-2005, 05:27 PM

good... how you doin?

MAGICLIT · 10-26-2005, 05:27 PM

im doin good baby, thanks.

angry pancake · 10-26-2005, 05:29 PM

back off luky.

how ya doin back.

angry pancake · 10-26-2005, 05:32 PM

aight I looks something like the dude on the right and I has a magic snaggle tooth to tickle you magiclit.

ps. my back is ripped

Lucy Fur · 10-26-2005, 05:36 PM

you have to post one in costume

10-21-2005, 05:42 PM	#1 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	When I was young I thought I could to anything. Fly, beat up people much bigger than me, create life, etc. At the age of 4 I learned that I actually couldn't create life. I grew up in a house that bordered a wooded area in which many animals of the kingdom of Michigan would frollic and make babies. All this work had them running all over town. Being animals as they were, they decided the law about jaywalking didn't apply to them. This caused them to often get run over in front of my house. My family had moved into the neighborhood about a week prior to me meeting my best friend, who happened to have a hampster, I think "Goldie" was its name. Like most hamsters do, it died when we dropped a dictionary on it from the top of a ladder. We learned a valuable lesson that day about death... and gravity. We decided instead of having to go through the hassel of going to the pet store and finding a new "production line" hampster, we would construct one out of a dead squirrel that was rotting in the street. Then we would simply electrocute it until it came to life, like they did in the movies. It would be a custon made hampster, named... Hammy. I'd had my eye on a squirrel at the end of the block that hadn't gotten to the maggot stage yet, which made it an excellent specimen. We picked it up by the tail and took it to my dad's workbench. The first step was to beat it with a hammer, then we would seperate the different colors. Kyle slammed the hammer down with full force. I saw a drop of blood appear on the window. I looked down at the squirrel. Oops, I guess it HAD had entered the maggot stage. We started pulling the squirrel apart and separating the colors. I can vividly remember the smell to this day. It smelled like when my would rub its ear on a dead animal and then lick my face. Once we had things organized we started putting together the pieces. The squrrel's nose was the hampster's head and we poked little holes in it for eyes. For the rest of it we just cut off a piece of skin and wrapped a bunch of organs and bones inside. It was pretty unorganized in there but once we ran electricity into it it would all straighten itself out. This was going to be the coolest hampster ever. We brought the new hampster into the garage and began to wonder how we would electrocute it. "Shit!" Kyle said. "What?" "We never gave it any arms!" he was right. I grabbed some twigs and actually managed to prop the thing good 3 feet in the air. It was pretty disturbing looking, thinking back on it. Finally, we came to the conclusion that the best way to electrocute the thing was to break a lightbulb and stick the socket on the hampster's nose. I knew from experience, this would indeed electrocute Hammy. We balanced a broken lightbulb socket and a soon to be hamster on top of 4 twigs. It looked kind of like a teepee, only with roadkill at the top. This was going to have to involve some spirituality though. We were going to need Indian clothes and and some drums. We put on our Halloween costumes and sat next to the Teepee Of Life. Then, we plugged it in. The drum beat started slow... with building intensity. Nothing was happening. After a minute or so we saw a little stream of smoke begin to rise. We started screaming like the Indians do. "WAAAAYYYOOOOOHHH SHAMA SHAMA YYYAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOO!!!" My parents had been sitting across the street making friends with the new neighborhood, and kind of keeping an eye on us. Now, the group was slowly making its way over. The drums grew louder and faster as more smoke started pouring out of all Hammy the Hampster's orifices. The time was coming soon. We were screaming at the top of our lungs now, and basically flipping out like head cases. Kyle was jumping up and down and I was stomping my foot. I felt a sharp pain on my shoulder and I screamed like a little girl... probably. My dad was looking at the Teepee of Life, "What... the ... fuck..." That was the first time I heard him drop the f-bomb. Hammy then burst into flames and as the air escaped from from one of the gas sacks that had been rotting in the sun, it made a high-pitched scream. I thrust my fists in the air, "IT'S ALIVE!" Wow, why didn't I think of this?
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

10-21-2005, 08:53 PM	#4 (permalink)
Carnivorous Flavor Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: tracking schroeder Posts: 703 Internets: 10	C+.....mediocre.
	i'm the sinful stench that wafts through nostrils of the righteous....

10-21-2005, 09:29 PM	#6 (permalink)
ProfessorNumber Senior Member Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 1,215 Internets: 3373	Yeah, I don't get it.
	Smoke a cigarette and lie some more -- These conversations kill.

10-21-2005, 09:43 PM	#7 (permalink)
Carnivorous Flavor Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: tracking schroeder Posts: 703 Internets: 10	thats cuz u r stoopid.
	i'm the sinful stench that wafts through nostrils of the righteous....

10-22-2005, 05:22 AM	#9 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,348 Internets: 290966	<3
	#YOLO

10-21-2005, 06:30 PM	#2 (permalink)
fat_retard Senior Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: a house Posts: 664 Internets: 10	Ho. Lee. Shit. That is the BEST thing I've read in months! I'm still laughing, thats fantastic.

10-21-2005, 08:30 PM	#3 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	That was friggin' awesome.

10-21-2005, 09:13 PM	#5 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	Oh snap...

10-22-2005, 12:04 AM	#8 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	Wow wow wow that was amazing. -UB

10-26-2005, 12:09 PM	#11 (permalink)
Deadly Crescent Kick NJ, Toilet Bowl of USA Join Date: May 2005 Location: secret ninja lair Posts: 1,106 Internets: 10	a noble effort
	the poster formerly known as-Andy Kaufman NHB Intergender Champion jiu-jitsu isn't the hardass frat guy yelling at you to funnel a beer. its the laid back guy in the corner workin' on 2 chicks.

10-26-2005, 04:18 PM	#14 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	That's probably true... With that being said, I'm far too lazy to write out cliff notes.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

10-26-2005, 04:24 PM	#15 (permalink)
Lucy Fur Empress Magnificent Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Florida Posts: 825 Internets: 349	do you know who angry pancake is?
	I am chaos. It is my destiny to destroy.

10-26-2005, 04:36 PM	#16 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	No.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

10-26-2005, 05:23 PM	#18 (permalink)
MAGICLIT Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: city of sin Posts: 2,753 Internets: 10	said with the Joey Tribbiani accent How you doin?
	I am all in favor of a ruling class, especially since I rule.

10-26-2005, 05:24 PM	#19 (permalink)
Lucy Fur Empress Magnificent Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Florida Posts: 825 Internets: 349	no magic.... you definitely do not want to know that person. in reality he looks like a fucked up version of that picture. is till say that was doobies older much better looking non pokemon dressing up brother. [ October 26, 2005, 03:26 PM: Message edited by: Lucy Fur ]
	I am chaos. It is my destiny to destroy.

10-26-2005, 05:25 PM	#20 (permalink)
MAGICLIT Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: city of sin Posts: 2,753 Internets: 10	oh......well Lucy, how you doin?
	I am all in favor of a ruling class, especially since I rule.

10-26-2005, 05:27 PM	#21 (permalink)
Lucy Fur Empress Magnificent Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Florida Posts: 825 Internets: 349	good... how you doin?
	I am chaos. It is my destiny to destroy.

10-26-2005, 05:27 PM	#22 (permalink)
MAGICLIT Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: city of sin Posts: 2,753 Internets: 10	im doin good baby, thanks.
	I am all in favor of a ruling class, especially since I rule.

10-26-2005, 05:36 PM	#25 (permalink)
Lucy Fur Empress Magnificent Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Florida Posts: 825 Internets: 349	you have to post one in costume
	I am chaos. It is my destiny to destroy.