why i'm never going to get laid again... - Nubblies.net Forums

theMerciless1 · 07-03-2005, 03:50 PM

today is my last day at my job.

heres a tip for anyone still in college... if you dont have one, go out and get a job in a restaurant or bar. you will make more $ than most of your friends and work less. you will also find yourself surrounded by ASS, tons of ass waiting to be porked, BY YOU. some of the most meaningful one nighters i've had started in a restaurant.
you cant beat the open acceptance of sexual harrassment, mid shift flirting and post closing drinks.
the proceeding list is a breakdown of what the different jobs in a restaurant consist of and thier "poon rating" or how easy it is to get 'tang w/ the corresponding job title on a scale of 1 to 10.

1. Dishwasher - dont do this if you are not mexican or mentally impaired. shitty pay. the only chicks you will see are the servers, not that thats a bad thing but they'll only talk to you when thy need more clean silverware.
poon rating: 1

2. Line Cook - although this is a skilled position you will spend the majority of your time in front of a hot ass broiler sweating your nuts off and just generally looking unattractive to the waitresses who only talk to you to complain about thier food taking too long. however this position can be played right and score you some ass; hook some waitresses up w/ food they like in thier down time. try this one, "hey i've been playing around w/ this recipe for deep fried chocolate cheesecake, wanna give me your opinion?"
poon rating: 4-5

3. Bus Boy - pretty shitty all around but at least you're not in a hot kitchen the entire time. it takes skill but this could be a promising spot because you are directly helping the waitresses and bartenders.
poon rating: 4

4. Server - now you're getting somewhere. although the female bartenders will prolly not fuck you the waitstaff is open game. you spend the most time w/ them of any position in the biz. you understand thier needs, complaints and menstrual cycles. there is also a good deal of guest interaction, so there is some potential for outside puss as well. you also make better money than the aforementioned positions.
poon rating: 6-7

5. Bartender - this is the lord of the industry, you may as well come to work with your dick hanging out of your pants. one of the greatest jobs on earth to have. everyone wants to know the bartender, especially the slutty new waitress who bats her eyelashes at you everytime she picks up her drinks at the bar and asks the other hoes about you while they're marrying ketchup bottles at the waitstation. i had the most fun doing this job and got the most ass because of it. any female in the general vicinity is fair game; servers, guests, hostesses and even managers (i once fingered my female manager in a hotel room full of coworkers). you make the best $ out of everyone, possibly even the boss, and you get to drink after last call *as well as determine who else drinks after last call* this is key, use this power wisely. i vow a return to bartending in the near future.
poon rating: 10+

6. Barback - not all place have one but this is a decent spot. you usually make ok $ and get to go behind the bar and hang w/ the bartenders, this is good - you can get laid by association or maybe someone will mistake you for a bartender. the downside would be taking out garbages and washing glasses as well as being generally dirty and sweaty the entire night. i did this for years in nightclubs and loved it.

7. Manager - this is the current post that im leaving. if you can put up w/ the long hours, complaining guests and shitty pay (compared to bartenders) give it a try. the entire staff is fair game, much like the bartenders. although you are not pouring the drinks you have the luxury of talking to females at your leisure usually for as long as you like. the roaming factor is key. at night my restaurant is a nightclub so i would hang at the front door and jerk around with the bouncers and the girls on line. there are a ton of tricks to ge laid w/ this title, but i suggest you develop your own, its much more rewarding.
poon rating: 9

now go get yourself a job.

Repugnant Abomination · 07-03-2005, 10:26 PM

If I move out there you need to hire me as a bartender.

Carnivorous Flavor · 07-04-2005, 11:53 AM

so what job am you moving onto?

theMerciless1 · 07-04-2005, 08:56 PM

as of today i dont have a job or any prospects whatsoever. its awesome.

cough man · 07-05-2005, 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by theMerciless1:

1. Dishwasher - dont do this if you are not MEXICAN or mentally impaired. shitty pay. the only chicks you will see are the servers, not that thats a bad thing but they'll only talk to you when thy need more clean silverware.
poon rating: 1

Well I'm fucked

[ July 05, 2005, 12:19 AM: Message edited by: cough man ]

Repugnant Abomination · 07-05-2005, 06:33 AM

Whoa cough man is old school

theMerciless1 · 07-05-2005, 01:56 PM

sorry cough, i just call 'em like i see 'em

bloodyfart · 07-05-2005, 04:10 PM

why are you quitting or did you get fired

Ironic Mustache · 07-05-2005, 04:48 PM

Didn't he just put in for vacation? That's a long vacation.

theMerciless1 · 07-05-2005, 09:04 PM

i quit to continue my education. this fall i'll be on my way to becoming a certified student assistance counselor. bitches.

Ironic Mustache · 07-06-2005, 12:26 PM

MAGICLIT · 07-06-2005, 12:48 PM

nice profession, did you decide that after you saw the movie "Pretty Maids All In A Row"? If you havent seen it you should, pertains to you im sure.

bloodyfart · 07-06-2005, 04:09 PM

that pic never grows old

Ironic Mustache · 07-06-2005, 04:10 PM

and neither do those girls.

MAGICLIT · 07-06-2005, 05:36 PM

"Thats what I love about these high school girls man, I keep getting older, and they stay the same age, yes they do."

theMerciless1 · 07-06-2005, 06:55 PM

so did anybody get a job in a restaurant yet?

MAGICLIT · 07-06-2005, 07:01 PM

I applied at Hooters.....they said even though I have never worked in a food and beverage position before that they're willing to overlook it due to my nice tits.

bloodyfart · 07-06-2005, 07:03 PM

any pics of said breasticles.

MAGICLIT · 07-06-2005, 07:07 PM

yes, on the nightstand next to your bed.

bloodyfart · 07-06-2005, 07:20 PM

touche'

BigDongedHoe · 07-06-2005, 08:10 PM

Your post is so fucking on. I'm a line-cook at Noa Noa in Warsaw, a nice fucking restaurant. The money is alright, and you learn a lot but everything else you said is totally right on.

MAGICLIT · 07-06-2005, 08:13 PM

what you dont know BDH is that Merciless humps slippers in his spare time, I at least hump stuffed animals, but slippers? freakin wierdo.

bloodyfart · 07-06-2005, 08:17 PM

plushophiles on this forum?

St. Anky · 07-07-2005, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BigDongedHoe:
Your post is so fucking on. I'm a line-cook at Noa Noa in Warsaw, a nice fucking restaurant. The money is alright, and you learn a lot but everything else you said is totally right on.

I know your manager. Young dude, kinda tall, fat. I trained him at Smokey Bones here in B-Town. Then I left that fucking restaurant to manage at the Texas Roadhouse. I shit you not, you will find the most lucious ass in this place. Or so I hear.

theMerciless1 · 07-07-2005, 09:57 PM

props to line cooks. that shit is hard.

07-03-2005, 03:50 PM	#1 (permalink)
theMerciless1 Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: ming\'s palace Posts: 1,495 Internets: 412	today is my last day at my job. heres a tip for anyone still in college... if you dont have one, go out and get a job in a restaurant or bar. you will make more $ than most of your friends and work less. you will also find yourself surrounded by ASS, tons of ass waiting to be porked, BY YOU. some of the most meaningful one nighters i've had started in a restaurant. you cant beat the open acceptance of sexual harrassment, mid shift flirting and post closing drinks. the proceeding list is a breakdown of what the different jobs in a restaurant consist of and thier "poon rating" or how easy it is to get 'tang w/ the corresponding job title on a scale of 1 to 10. 1. Dishwasher - dont do this if you are not mexican or mentally impaired. shitty pay. the only chicks you will see are the servers, not that thats a bad thing but they'll only talk to you when thy need more clean silverware. poon rating: 1 2. Line Cook - although this is a skilled position you will spend the majority of your time in front of a hot ass broiler sweating your nuts off and just generally looking unattractive to the waitresses who only talk to you to complain about thier food taking too long. however this position can be played right and score you some ass; hook some waitresses up w/ food they like in thier down time. try this one, "hey i've been playing around w/ this recipe for deep fried chocolate cheesecake, wanna give me your opinion?" poon rating: 4-5 3. Bus Boy - pretty shitty all around but at least you're not in a hot kitchen the entire time. it takes skill but this could be a promising spot because you are directly helping the waitresses and bartenders. poon rating: 4 4. Server - now you're getting somewhere. although the female bartenders will prolly not fuck you the waitstaff is open game. you spend the most time w/ them of any position in the biz. you understand thier needs, complaints and menstrual cycles. there is also a good deal of guest interaction, so there is some potential for outside puss as well. you also make better money than the aforementioned positions. poon rating: 6-7 5. Bartender - this is the lord of the industry, you may as well come to work with your dick hanging out of your pants. one of the greatest jobs on earth to have. everyone wants to know the bartender, especially the slutty new waitress who bats her eyelashes at you everytime she picks up her drinks at the bar and asks the other hoes about you while they're marrying ketchup bottles at the waitstation. i had the most fun doing this job and got the most ass because of it. any female in the general vicinity is fair game; servers, guests, hostesses and even managers (i once fingered my female manager in a hotel room full of coworkers). you make the best $ out of everyone, possibly even the boss, and you get to drink after last call as well as determine who else drinks after last call this is key, use this power wisely. i vow a return to bartending in the near future. poon rating: 10+ 6. Barback - not all place have one but this is a decent spot. you usually make ok $ and get to go behind the bar and hang w/ the bartenders, this is good - you can get laid by association or maybe someone will mistake you for a bartender. the downside would be taking out garbages and washing glasses as well as being generally dirty and sweaty the entire night. i did this for years in nightclubs and loved it. 7. Manager - this is the current post that im leaving. if you can put up w/ the long hours, complaining guests and shitty pay (compared to bartenders) give it a try. the entire staff is fair game, much like the bartenders. although you are not pouring the drinks you have the luxury of talking to females at your leisure usually for as long as you like. the roaming factor is key. at night my restaurant is a nightclub so i would hang at the front door and jerk around with the bouncers and the girls on line. there are a ton of tricks to ge laid w/ this title, but i suggest you develop your own, its much more rewarding. poon rating: 9 now go get yourself a job.
	i who have nothing but the comfort of my sins

07-04-2005, 11:53 AM	#3 (permalink)
Carnivorous Flavor Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: tracking schroeder Posts: 703 Internets: 10	so what job am you moving onto?
	i'm the sinful stench that wafts through nostrils of the righteous....

07-04-2005, 08:56 PM	#4 (permalink)
theMerciless1 Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: ming\'s palace Posts: 1,495 Internets: 412	as of today i dont have a job or any prospects whatsoever. its awesome.
	i who have nothing but the comfort of my sins

07-05-2005, 01:56 PM	#7 (permalink)
theMerciless1 Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: ming\'s palace Posts: 1,495 Internets: 412	sorry cough, i just call 'em like i see 'em
	i who have nothing but the comfort of my sins

07-05-2005, 04:10 PM	#8 (permalink)
bloodyfart Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: side control Posts: 2,044 Internets: 203	why are you quitting or did you get fired
	<b>We're here, and we're queer, so get used to it</b>

07-03-2005, 10:26 PM	#2 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	If I move out there you need to hire me as a bartender.

07-05-2005, 06:33 AM	#6 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	Whoa cough man is old school

07-05-2005, 04:48 PM	#9 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	Didn't he just put in for vacation? That's a long vacation.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

07-05-2005, 09:04 PM	#10 (permalink)
theMerciless1 Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: ming\'s palace Posts: 1,495 Internets: 412	i quit to continue my education. this fall i'll be on my way to becoming a certified student assistance counselor. bitches.
	i who have nothing but the comfort of my sins

07-06-2005, 12:26 PM	#11 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

07-06-2005, 12:48 PM	#12 (permalink)
MAGICLIT Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: city of sin Posts: 2,753 Internets: 10	nice profession, did you decide that after you saw the movie "Pretty Maids All In A Row"? If you havent seen it you should, pertains to you im sure.
	I am all in favor of a ruling class, especially since I rule.

07-06-2005, 04:09 PM	#13 (permalink)
bloodyfart Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: side control Posts: 2,044 Internets: 203	that pic never grows old
	<b>We're here, and we're queer, so get used to it</b>

07-06-2005, 04:10 PM	#14 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	and neither do those girls.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

07-06-2005, 05:36 PM	#15 (permalink)
MAGICLIT Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: city of sin Posts: 2,753 Internets: 10	"Thats what I love about these high school girls man, I keep getting older, and they stay the same age, yes they do."
	I am all in favor of a ruling class, especially since I rule.

07-06-2005, 06:55 PM	#16 (permalink)
theMerciless1 Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: ming\'s palace Posts: 1,495 Internets: 412	so did anybody get a job in a restaurant yet?
	i who have nothing but the comfort of my sins

07-06-2005, 07:01 PM	#17 (permalink)
MAGICLIT Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: city of sin Posts: 2,753 Internets: 10	I applied at Hooters.....they said even though I have never worked in a food and beverage position before that they're willing to overlook it due to my nice tits.
	I am all in favor of a ruling class, especially since I rule.

07-06-2005, 07:03 PM	#18 (permalink)
bloodyfart Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: side control Posts: 2,044 Internets: 203	any pics of said breasticles.
	<b>We're here, and we're queer, so get used to it</b>

07-06-2005, 07:07 PM	#19 (permalink)
MAGICLIT Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: city of sin Posts: 2,753 Internets: 10	yes, on the nightstand next to your bed.
	I am all in favor of a ruling class, especially since I rule.

07-06-2005, 07:20 PM	#20 (permalink)
bloodyfart Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: side control Posts: 2,044 Internets: 203	touche'
	<b>We're here, and we're queer, so get used to it</b>

07-06-2005, 08:10 PM	#21 (permalink)
BigDongedHoe Sex Kitten Milf fuuucck Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 3,704 Internets: 55974	Your post is so fucking on. I'm a line-cook at Noa Noa in Warsaw, a nice fucking restaurant. The money is alright, and you learn a lot but everything else you said is totally right on.
	There's life and then there is Cubs baseball, it's a chore to seperate the two.

07-06-2005, 08:13 PM	#22 (permalink)
MAGICLIT Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: city of sin Posts: 2,753 Internets: 10	what you dont know BDH is that Merciless humps slippers in his spare time, I at least hump stuffed animals, but slippers? freakin wierdo.
	I am all in favor of a ruling class, especially since I rule.

07-06-2005, 08:17 PM	#23 (permalink)
bloodyfart Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: side control Posts: 2,044 Internets: 203	plushophiles on this forum?
	<b>We're here, and we're queer, so get used to it</b>

07-07-2005, 09:57 PM	#25 (permalink)
theMerciless1 Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: ming\'s palace Posts: 1,495 Internets: 412	props to line cooks. that shit is hard.
	i who have nothing but the comfort of my sins